Our brave old world desperatelyneeds heroes– since stories about superheroes are no longer as inspiring as they were a decade ago. Simple everyday heroism – helping another person who is in trouble or need – is so valuable and often so simple. Especially when this heroism isactually realizedat the expense of other people…
More info:Reddit
The author of the post and her husband have two kids and over a year ago, the man brought his teen niece to live with them too
Image credits:RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
The teen’s dad, the husband’s brother, passed away many years ago and the kid grew up in a very problematic environment
Image credits:u/No_Card9780
However, the teen started her ‘mind games’ literally from the first day, and continuously insulted both the author and her kids
Image credits:Marina Stoichkova (not the actual photo)
The spouse urged the woman to adopt his niece but faced refusal every time – even after threatening divorce
Image credits:Vitaly Gariev (not the actual photo)
So, the Original Poster (OP) is a 36-year-old mom of 2. Her eldest daughter ‘Sara’ is 18 years old, and her youngest son, ‘Tom,’ is 5. However, according to the author’s spouse, there are not two, butthree childrenin their family – and here’s why. A little over a year ago, the man brought home his niece, 15-year-old ‘Kelly,’ and literally told the family as a fact that she would now live with them.
In fact, Kelly’s story is quite sad and even tragic. Her father, the OP’s husband’s brother, passed away many years ago, and her mother had serious problems with mental health andaddiction– so, apparently, the girl’s continued stay with her was simply impossible. For instance, due to her stepdad, who had been abusing her for years.
However, such a childhood most likely influenced Kelly’s character – and not for the better, because literally from the first days in the house she began to bully the OP’s daughter completely out of the blue. As for little Tom, she also threatened him, repeatedly declaring that his dad would abandon his family.
By the way, this option also couldn’t be ruled out – after all, the OP and her husband had several very tense conversations over the past year about the possibility of adopting Kelly, but the woman refused every time, seeing what problems the teenager was creating in her family. Even under threat of divorce from her husband…
Meanwhile, in conversations with her uncle, Kelly invariably claimed that she was nothing more than an innocent victim, and literally everyone around her was antagonizing her, and completely in vain. The OP’s husband spent most of his time at work, so all conflicts de facto fell on the shoulders of the author and her kids. Another quarrel ended with the woman telling her spouse to his face that she agreed to a divorce and 50/50 custody – and then the man left with Kelly to live with his other bro.
Apparently, the guy didn’t like the further development of events – so some time ago, he suggested that his wife make peace and that they all undergo therapy in order to solve his niece’s problems and try to reunitetheir family. The man tried to play on his wife’s feelings, claiming that she was pushing Kelly away after she had finally found a stable home and confidence in the future after years of hardship.
The original poster listened to these words, and now she was no longer so sure that she was actually right. At least, under the influence of her husband’s speeches, she began to doubt whether she had acted appropriately all this time – and decided to ask netizens for advice.
Image credits:cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
“Of course, this woman’s reaction is quite understandable – simply because she wants, first of all, to protect her children from unmotivated aggression on the part of her husband’s niece,” says Irina Matveeva, apsychologistand certified NLP specialist, with whomBored Pandagot in touch for a comment here. “And from the point of view of her husband, threatening divorce in order to ‘push’ his own point of view is highly unacceptable.”
“Of course, a difficult childhood in a problematic family surely affected the character of this girl, and I cannot help but sympathize with her – however, this doesn’t mean that she has the right to try to destroy another family. It seems to me that therapy really should take place in this situation – both for the teen and for the spouses. Although, the husband’s behavior here looks quite selfish and rude – to the extent that divorce may also be the proper solution,” Irina ponders.
By the way, many commenters on the original post also urge the author not to hold back and support her husband’s idea of divorce – since he came up with it himself. “Get the divorce. Don’t agree to more counseling, it won’t work. Him and Kelly have both proven that. You husband has his blinders on, he does not see her as she is. (He likely sees his brother, or a semblance of him.)”, one of the commenters wrote. “He is trying to gaslight you into adopting a child you have no interest in.”
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