Envy isn’t one of the most pleasant emotions, especially when it’s felt in arelationship. It often arises when a person has minor insecurities, and if they’re left unaddressed, they can negatively affect the partnership.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with relationship coachDawn Luchtand relationship therapistBianca Saia, who kindly agreed to tell us more about envy between partners.
Having shared hobbies in a relationship can be a lot of fun
Image credits:Alena Darmel / pexels (not the actual photo)
However, in this relationship, it became a thing that majorly conjured up envy
Image credits:RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)
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Later, the author provided an update
“Jealousy in any relationship is about the jealous person feeling insecure”
Bored Pandareached out to relationship coachDawn Luchtwho believes that there’s no such thing as healthy jealousy in a relationship. She says, “Jealousy in any relationship is about the jealous person feeling insecure, and the person who’s the focal point of the jealousy is possibly acting in a way that creates a feeling of unsafety in the relationship. At the root of this jealous behavior is often fear. Fear of rejection, abandonment, judgment, or not being “enough.”
We also contacted relationship therapistBianca Saia, who suggests that this emotion isn’t inherently healthy or unhealthy. “Kids feel jealous, adults feel jealous, and some people swear that their pets get jealous!”
“Feelings are a way of your body telling you, “This situation here needs your attention.” The better we are at approaching the (granted, quite unpleasant!) emotion of jealousy with curiosity and acceptance, the better equipped we will be for what to do next,” she explains.
However, she notes, “What’s unhealthy is to feel jealousy and control, moralize, insult, and hurt our partner in an attempt to not feel so bad. Doing that can absolutely be destructive.
Some signs indicating that the partner feelsenviousare if they don’t look genuinely happy for the other person’s successes or if they criticize something important to them. They might also minimize accomplishments or constantly compare wages or job positions.
Image credits:Anete Lusina / pexels (not the actual photo)
How envy affects a relationship depends on the way we react to our feelings
How it affects a relationship depends on what we do with the way we feel. NeuroscientistBerit Brogaardadvises refraining from acting on such feelings right away. Intense and frequent episodes ofenvyonly cause havoc in relationships when they are acted upon.
Since such emotions often go hand in hand with low self-esteem and insecurity issues, Dawn recommends, “Take responsibility for your behaviors and not expect the other person to change to make you feel more comfortable.”
Furthermore, Dawn notes, “If the person you’re with is constantly trying to make you feel jealous, then this is a red flag too, and you need to address this head-on. If it continues, either seek professional help and/ or be courageous enough to enforce healthy boundaries or leave.”
Image credits:cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
Commenters wholeheartedly supported the girlfriend
After some time, the author provided an update
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