People break up for lots of reasons: infidelity, incompatibility, long distances. Keepinga healthy relationshipgoing is a lot of work, and couples who have been together for a long time undoubtedly see each other in many not-so-dignified situations.
Unfortunately,this manfound himself in a relationship where his girlfriend wouldn’t have been ready for the “in sickness and in health” part. When he injured his leg, she claimed to be unable to continue the relationship because she no longer saw him as a man. She then lied to their friends that the decision to break up was mutual and got mad when he told them the truth. Confused about whether he was the bad guy in this situation, the boyfriend soughtopinions from the Internetfolk.
Breaking up with a person right after they break their leg can be pretty heartless
Image credits:karrastock (not the actual photo)
But lying to mutual friends about the reason for the breakup might be even more insulting
Image credits:Yosi Prihantoro (not the actual photo)
Image credits:MyGFSexist
Gender stereotypes hurt men more than we’d like to admit
In much of online discourse, sexism only exists towards women. In reality, men can fall victim to gender stereotyping just as often as women. This story is a prime example of that: the girlfriend telling her boyfriend she can no longer see him “as a man” is a pretty sexist thing to say. Scratch that, that’s areally sexistthing to say.
Stereotypes like “men don’t cry” and that they’re “sissies” or “wimps” if they do are hurtful not only on a personal but on a societal level as well. In essence, it doesn’t allow men to express their feelings or reach out for help if they have mental health problems. In the U.S., for example, men are four times more likely totake their own lifethan women.
Gender Equality Law Centerwrites that these kinds of stereotypes “can cause us [to be] disoriented in our perceptions.” Those who stray from the established gender norms risk discrimination and unequal treatment.
Society penalizes men for being vulnerable or reaching out for help. Studies show that when male leadersshow weaknessorask for helpthey’re seen as less competent and perceived as being of lower status.
Image credits:Mojtaba Ravanbakhsh (not the actual photo)
Crying and showing weakness in other ways shouldn’t make a person any less of a man
The “boys don’t cry” stereotype is perhaps the most harmful. It damages men’s self-worth and belittles their self-image. Fiona Forman, MSc in applied positive psychology, toldThe Irish Timesthat, sadly, this stereotype still persists.
“If we tell boys not to cry, they may begin to suppress, avoid or shut down these emotions, as they are not encouraged toexpress them.” What happens when boys and men suppress those feelings? In the long term, they might be unable to manage these emotions and, perhaps, even unable to form close, honest, and open relationships.
Image credits:Tom Pumford (not the actual photo)
There is no one definition of what it means to be a man
Princeton Universitywrites that most men don’t agree with what “being a real man” means. They do, however, learn to adjust their behavior to what they’re taught is the right way for them to act during childhood.
Harry’s and University College London (UCL)surveyed5,000 American men in 2018 and asked them what values they aspired to. The majority named honesty as the characteristic they’d like to have. Athleticism and adventurousness were the least desirable.
52% of the respondents said that mental health for them is “very important.” This possibly marks a shift in how men understand what it means to be “a man.”
“American men understand the importance of their mental health, even above physical health. They are ready to talk, and they want to improve their happiness,” the report’s conclusion claims.
And that’s evident when we listen to what modern men have to say about masculinity. In 2020, The Guardian did theirThe State Of Menseries, where they asked their readers hard questions about modern masculinity. The project demonstrates how differently men understand what it means to be a man and how there is no one right answer.
“Masculinity is about the one who protects and who provides. The one who opens jars, climbs ladders, kills bugs and defends his family with his own life,” reader Ali Vonal from the US told The Guardian.
However, others understoodmasculinityin less rigid terms. “I think the main challenge for men today is the difficulty that comes with shedding old-fashioned ideas of masculinity,” another reader from the UK, Matt, wrote. “I think it’s so difficult for men today to retrain their brains and behaviours, because so many of us are brought up to act a certain way.”
“‘Masculinity’ should disappear from our lexicon. We should be thinking in terms of becoming human beings,” Ric Doringo from the US wrote. “I encourage [my son] to nurture those parts of him he thinks are most important, and to always be OK with himself. Frankly, I want the exact same thing for my daughter.”
Image credits:Christian Erfurt (not the actual photo)
But the general consensus was still NTA
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