Relationships between two people can take the most incredible forms, and not always does everything turn out to be as cloudless as they tell us in romantic movies. Alas, life is a much crueler thing than even ‘ultra-realistic’artcan be.
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The author of the video started dating her boyfriend in high school but they split after graduation
Image credits:mels_scribblings
The problem was that the guy behaved in quite a two-faced way, throwing himself from pure admiration to insults and back
So, the Original Poster (OP) tells us that she and her future husbandstarted datingback in high school, but things didn’t go any further. Firstly, after graduation, our heroine didn’t want to immediately commit herself to a long-term relationship but instead travel and explore the world.
And secondly – and this is probably the main thing – the author’s boyfriend behaved as if Jekyll and Hyde lived inside him. One day he could be the kindest, most sympathetic and considerate person in the whole world, literally raising the OP to heights of happiness. Another day, he was a cruel and cold abuser, from whom she simply wanted to run to the ends of the earth.
And so, one fine day, our heroine got tired of all this and ended the relationship. Several years passed – and periodically, from mutual acquaintances and friends, the woman heard that her ex had started counseling and takingproper meds– and had generally turned into a completely different person. In fact, into the Jekyll of their relationship – if it’s actually appropriate to speak in allegories here.
Image credits:Katerina Holmes / Pexels (not the actual photo)
In a few years, they met again and it turned out that the man had started counseling and taking meds to become a better person
An unexpected personal meeting only confirmed these beliefs – the guy literally had changed for the better. And the original poster realized that part of her had still continued to love him. And when, after some time, the man offered to resume their relationship, she happily agreed.
Admittedly, it was probably the best time of her entire life. Our heroine saw her boyfriend regularly takinghis pills, he kept going to sessions with a counselor – and everything was nothing but great. So great that when the guy proposed, the OP agreed without much hesitation.
Image credits:Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
They reconciled and even got married – and then the man opened up that his story about meds, counseling, and changing himself were just lies to manipulate her into marrying him
And so, a couple of weeks after the wedding, while talking, her husband literally burst out laughing in her face. He said that he simply couldn’t believe that the OP was “so stupid that she believed him.” It turned out that all the stories about counseling were lies, and the medications were just ibuprofen pills in an old pill box that had once been prescribed to him. That he had simply put on an act andmanipulatedher into marrying him…
You can watch the original video here
In one of the subsequentvideos, the author said that she subsequently faced a longdivorce process, communication with a psychoanalyst due to the developed PTSD, but she was still able to get back to normal – and even wrote her own book. However, not always can people recognize such problems in relationships.
Well, it seems that there is indeed a real cycle of relationships with a narcissistic person. In her article on the Choosing Therapy website, Dianne Grande, Ph.D.,describesa cycle of four stages of narcissistic abuse, and they really are similar to what our heroine had to go through.
Idealization, when the narcissist puts the significant other (as far as this term is generally applicable to such kind of relationships) on a pedestal and makes them feel really special.
Devaluation – at this stage, the narcissist knocks the person off their pedestal and puts them down, using any means. Gaslighting, criticism, insults, controlling behavior and even physical abuse are just a short list of their ‘weapons.’
Rejection – this time the narcissist discards the partner, being less interested in love and security than feeding their insatiable ego. At this stage, a breakup usually occurs – and of course, it’s anyone’s fault but the narcissist, according to themselves.
Finally, the fourth stage is hoovering, when the narcissist retains a sense of power and control. They can literally ‘accidentally’ run into their ex, make a lot of empty promises – and make one feel like they are forced to engage with them. And then it all happens again and again…
Well, commenters on the original video also admitted that it practically sent shivers down their spines. “My entire body ran cold when you revealed he was acting the entire time,” one of the responders sincerely wrote. “I can’t imagine the absolute horror, I hope you’re doing okay now.”
Image credits:Antoni Shkraba / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Monika Pašukonytė
Gabija Saveiskyte
Rūta Zumbrickaitė
Relationships
