Being a host is no easy task. You need to make sure your guest feels comfortable while also managing your home and your own enjoyment. Hosting goodfriendscan be fun, especially if they chip in on a few things, but that doesn’t always happen.

One woman had the misfortune of hosting a man who she couldn’t figure out how to get rid of. He hadn’t planned on staying for too long, but a sudden breakup put a wrench in histripitinerary. His unlucky host found herself in a fix after that.

More info:Mumsnet

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Man sitting on the floor with a laptop, wearing glasses and a coat, sunlight streaming in.

Image credits:Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)

The poster explained that her American friend had planned to stay with her for 2 weeks, after which he would be going on a European trip with his girlfriend

Text about a houseguest overstaying their welcome, involving a heartbroken friend.

Text discussing a stay agreement and future travels.

Text describing a heartbroken friend who is staying in the house, often mooching around without signs of leaving.

Text about a friend unsure of summer plans after a breakup, feeling guilty while staying at someone else’s house.

A man sits alone, looking pensive, in a dimly lit room, symbolizing a heartbroken friend feeling like a house leech.

Image credits:pikisuperstar / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Unfortunately, the man’s girlfriend broke up with him, so his summer plans fell through, but this meant that he’d be staying with the poster for even longer

Text about feeling awkward asking a writer friend to leave, fearing they’ve become a house leech.

Text about feeling guilty for asking a heartbroken friend to leave after a breakup; the friend doesn’t help with chores.

Text excerpt about dealing with a house leech friend and avoiding conflict.

A person lying on a couch in a sparse room, appearing heartbroken, with sunlight streaming through the window.

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The woman didn’t know how to get her friend to leave, and she became increasingly frustrated as he showed no signs of going or even helping out with chores

Text update about a friend leaving after staying, with plans to visit Scotland and Paris.

Text excerpt discussing a house guest’s departure for a change of scenery, related to heartbroken friend and house leech themes.

Text discussing a friend’s return visit and travel plans with an agreed timeframe; related to heartbroken friend house leech.

Text expressing gratitude for advice and a diagnosis of doormat tendencies, related to heartbroken friend house leech situation.

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One of the biggest reasons why the woman found it so tough to kick the guest out was because he was her friend and had just been through abreakup. She probably didn’t want to make him feel any worse, but also didn’t want him to keep imposing on her. She tried behaving passive-aggressively but that probably didn’t get through to him.

To get an expert’s opinion on this situation,Bored Pandareached out to Jo Hayes. She’s a world-leading etiquette expert, relationship commentator, and founder ofEtiquetteExpert.org. She is the world’s only etiquette consultant with academic research to her name and is also a speech-language pathologist specializing in social skills training.

Jo explained that “these sorts of situations can, indeed, be awkward and challenging to negotiate. One wants to support a friend going through an unexpected and difficult time/breakup and avoid creating ‘bad blood’ in the friendship, but, at the same time, it is important that this woman protects her peace and her personal boundaries.”

“The MO for approaching situations like this is kind, calm, clear communication. I encourage the woman to sit down with her friend and explain that she was happy to host him for a couple of weeks, and while she understands that he’s had an unexpected and difficult breakup, she needs her personal space back,” Jo added.

The OP was probably feeling too shy to bring up the subject directly and must have felt that saying anything would come across as being mean. That’s why Jo said that “any decent house guest/human would completely understand, and haveempathyfor, what she is saying. She’s not being unkind. We all need our personal space, and having a house guest for too long is an invasion of said personal space.”

Two friends sitting outside, having a serious conversation about a house leech issue.

Image credits:Mizuno K / Pexels (not the actual photo)

One of the reasons why the man probably felt okay staying for so long was because the OP hadn’t specifically set a time limit for his stay. They had only spoken about his trip in vague terms, and probably if he hadn’t been broken up with, he would have left after two weeks.

Jo Hayesmentioned that “an open-ended stay is not going to work for most people. People need their personal space. It’s ideal to set out a clear time period that is agreeable to the host. If, for whatever reason, the stay needs to be extended, speak to the host as soon as possible about the possibility of staying longer. Don’t pressure them to say yes to the extension.”

Another thing that added to the woman’s annoyance was how her friend never helped out with any of the housechoresdespite living there for 3 weeks. She was shocked that he hadn’t bought a “thank-you gift,” and that he had once asked if a friend of his could stay over.

“Either on arrival or on departure, it is appropriate to offer your host a thank-you gift. Again, they’ve been supremely kind and generous in hosting you, a gift is the least you can do. A bouquet of flowers, apotted plant, a bottle of wine, a box of good quality chocolates, a gift card to their favorite store, plus a thoughtfully written card expressing your appreciation,” she added.

Luckily for the woman in this story, she worked up the courage to talk to her friend, and that helped sort things out. Next time, she’ll definitely set a time limit for any guest’s stay.

People told the poster that the best way to make things easier for herself would be to just be honest with her friend

A comment advising on dealing with a house leech, discussing setting boundaries for a friend’s stay.

Text advising honesty with a house guest, suggesting direct conversation.

Text discussing concerns about a friend overstaying his welcome, mentioning spare rooms needed for visitors.

Text screenshot discussing addressing a friend overstaying their welcome at your house.

Text response on dealing with a heartbroken friend who is described as a house leech.

Text suggesting how to handle a bothersome house guest, offering practical advice for a heartbroken friend.

Text from a user named Boltonb advising against making excuses to avoid a house leech situation.

Comment advising a heartbroken friend to set boundaries with a house leech by giving a deadline and using a white lie.

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