Valentine’s is known in most places as the day to shower your romantic partner with love and attention, be it a fancy dinner or a handmade card (it’s the thought that counts, after all). That’s why it’s rarely celebrated with family members.
But after the unexpected death of his stepdad,this redditorhad to choose whether to spend Valentine’s with his girlfriend or his mother. His decision left one of the two quite unhappy and the OP himself wonderingif he was a jerkin the situation.
Parents might turn to their adult children for support in difficult times
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This man had to choose between his girlfriend and his grieving mother to spend Valentine’s with
Image credits: Engin Akyurt (not the actual photo)
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Valentine’s Day seems to have several origin stories
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Needless to say, that little something differs with each wearer of the rose-tinted glasses as well as their partner; while some people are happy to get a hand-written letter or some flowers, others expect jewelry or gestures of grand proportions.
As a matter of fact, jewelry seems to be quite a popular option, as a couple of years ago, in 2022, consumers in the US were expected to spend roughlysix billion dollarson it for the special occasion. However, the most favored Valentine’s Day gift, according toa 2021 survey, was chocolates and other tasty treats, which roughly one third of the survey respondents considered number one on their list.
Image credits:Porapak Apichodilok (not the actual photo)
Statista’s data revealed that not only are half of coupled-up Americans eager to celebrate the most romantic day of the year, they are also quite eager to shop; out of the seven countries participating in Statista’s survey, the US stoodfirst in line, making Americans arguably the biggest Valentine’s Day shoppers out there.
Last year, the average spending on Valentine’s in the US was193 dollarsper person, which is not an insignificant amount, especially if money is tight, as it was in the redditor’s case. That’s why he could only choose one of the two important women in his life to treat to a dinner and a gift on the special occasion; and he chose to prioritize his mother.
A parent making their child the stand-in for a spouse is not as uncommon as one might think
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“Parents who are using their children to get their emotional needs met may believe that the new arrangement is a good one—they think that everyone benefits. They get their needs met and, as they see it, their children benefit because they will feel useful and loved,” Gadoua wrote inPsychology Today, adding that these parents might not realize that there are more negative than positive impacts of this phenomenon, often referred to as Surrogate Spouse Syndrome.
“Asking a child to play the role of an adult is a heavy burden,” Gadoua pointed out, referring to the cases when the child is not yet an adult. “Rather than augmenting a child’s self-esteem, the constant feeling of futility can lead to lowered self-worth.”
In the OP’s case, the relationship with his mother clearly affected the relationship with his partner, who was unsurprisingly upset with his decision about who to spend Valentine’s with. Her reaction was likely one of the reasons the OP turned to fellow redditors asking if he was a jerk, but his story evoked varying opinions.
Fellow redditors believed he was a jerk in the situation in regards to his girlfriend
Some people, however, saw where the OP was coming from
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