Families can be a mixed bag of love, support, and, let’s face it, a sprinkle of drama. But sometimes, that drama takes the shape of a grandparent with a sharp tongue and a flair for playing favorites. Bullying grandkids or dishing out unsolicited critiques is like turningfamilytime into an emotional obstacle course. And when stepkids get the short end of the stick, it is the cherry on top of a very sour sundae.
Onemomfound herself in a pressure cooker of family drama when her mother’s critical attitude towards her stepdaughter boiled over at a birthday party, forcing her to leave early.
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Grandparents are supposed to give kids toys and cookies, not critiques, but some folks seem to have missed the memo
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One woman takes revenge on her critical mom after years of her insulting her stepdaughter’s cooking skills, secretly serving her own food, and watching her criticize herself
Image credits:Gustavo Fring / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The grandma constantly criticizes the teen’s cooking, insulting her skills but never commenting on the other family members’ dishes
Image credits:Askar Abayev / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The mom has enough of grandma’s behavior and secretly serves her reheated curry at a party, saying her stepdaughter made it, and watches her criticize her own food
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The woman and her family leave grandma’s birthday party early after she admits she doesn’t see the teen as “real” family
Our OP (original poster) is a loving mom who considers her 14-year-old stepdaughter “Anna,” her child in every way that matters. Since Anna was just a toddler, the OP has taken care of her and taught her life skills, like cooking. Most of the family is on board, except for one person, who seems to be stuck in some bizarre “Mean Girls” time loop: the OP’s mom.
Now, grandma dearest didn’t outright say she has something against Anna, but actions speak louder than words, right? Over the years, she’s turned family potlucks into Hell’s Kitchen, singling out Anna’s dishes for critique like she’s Gordon Ramsay, minus the charm. At Thanksgiving, she even called Anna’scasserole“disgusting and inedible.” I guess she’s not winning any “Grandma of the Year” awards anytime soon.
Instead of building bonds, constant nitpicking chips away at their confidence, making the home feel more like a battleground than a safe space. It’s like handing out emotional splinters every time they try to connect. Theprossay that kids want to do well and make their families proud when they are not discouraged. But frequent criticism overshadows all other efforts to improve our family relationships.
And our OP wasn’t about to allow this bullying to continue, so at grandma’s birthday bash, she decided to test just how “constructive” her mother’s criticism really was. She reheated some frozen curry grandma had made months earlier, passed it off as Anna’s cooking, and waited for the sparks to fly. And sure enough, grandma didn’t disappoint.
Before anyone could say “curry powder,” grandma was ripping into the dish, declaring it overspiced and overcooked, and even suggesting Anna stop cooking altogether. But when the OP revealed that the curry was actually hers, she started to get defensive, admitting she doesn’t see Anna as her “real” grandchild.
For the OP, this wasn’t just the last straw— it was the whole haystack. She packed up her family and left the party faster than you can say, “awkward family reunion.”
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Of course, grandma then launched a Facebook crusade, accusing the OP of ruining her party and choosing Anna over “real” family. Weirdly enough, most of therelativessided with grandma and her bias against her own granddaughter.
Butfavoritismisn’t just a buzzkill—it’s actually very harmful. When one kid gets showered with love while another barely gets a drizzle, it can leave lasting scars.
To explore the topic of favoritism in blended families,Bored Pandareached out toSusan Newman, Ph.D., an experienced social psychologist, parenting expert, and best-selling author who has worked extensively with individuals navigating these challenges.
She told us that blending families is no easy task, but with open communication, consistent inclusivity, and a commitment to equality, parents can navigate these challenges and build stronger, more cohesive relationships.
When asked about the psychological effects of favoritism on biological kids versus stepchildren, especially during adolescence, Newman explained how damaging it can be. Adolescence is a critical period for self-esteem and identity development, and feeling excluded in favor of biological siblings can lead to resentment and strained relationships that last well into adulthood.
We wanted to know how parents can address favoritism from grandparents without causing family rifts. Newman recommended calmly explaining to grandparents the need to treat all children equally and even suggested practical steps, such as asking grandparents to engage directly with stepchildren during outings or family activities. These small adjustments can help stepchildren feel more included.
When asked about strategies stepparents can use to ensure stepchildren feel equally valued, Newman stressed the importance of teamwork. Collaborating with a partner to address any issues and having the biological parent speak directly to their relatives can be a game-changer. Using inclusive language like “my son” or “my daughter,” instead of “stepchild,” also helps create a sense of belonging.
We also wanted to understand the potential long-term consequences of favoritism from extended family. Newman noted that favoritism can create deep divisions and lasting friction among siblings. If addressing the issue doesn’t work, taking a temporary break from toxic relatives may be necessary to protect the family’s well-being.
“Give the ‘offender’ the benefit of the doubt when a blatant or hurtful incident of favoritism arises. Say something to the effect of, ‘I know you don’t realize what you’re saying/doing or how the children perceive it.’ Be consistent with parents and in-laws in your insistence that you are a unit…no child is more important than another and you want them to be treated equally or close,” Newman explained.
Gabija Saveiskyte
Monika Pašukonytė
Denis Krotovas
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