Nobody can predict what will end up being meaningful to them. Sometimes, it can be old photos,love letters, or articles of clothing that hold a lot of importance because of the memories associated with them.
People tend to cherish these sentimental objects a lot and often don’t want to part with them. Unfortunately, not everyone shares this view, and one woman’s boyfriend threw out a precioussouvenirof hers without even checking if that was okay to do. When she confronted him, he showed complete disdain for her beliefs.
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Sometimes, an object can hold a lot of meaning for the person who acquired it, and they might not want to part with it even if other folks don’t understand its value
Image credits:Mapping Lanes / Mappinglanes (not the actual photo)
The woman mentioned that her boyfriend of four months destroyed and threw away a meaningful fortune slip that she had gotten in Japan
Image credits:wirestock_creators / Freepik (not the actual photo)
When she confronted him, he dismissed her feelings, saying that he thought it was “nonsense” and “meaningless,” even though it was important to her
Image credits:cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster forgave her boyfriend but still felt bad about his actions, so when she brought it up to him later, he got mad and refused to own up to what he did
Image credits:u/Lonely_Reason1045
The boyfriend did threaten to break up with her despite being the one to hurt her feelings, but the woman decided to stay with him as she cared about him a lot
Right from the start, it seems like the man had a lot of control over hisgirlfriend. He gained her trust and was allowed to enter her room even though she never let anyone else go in there. After getting the opportunity, he decided to rip up her sentimental souvenir without even checking with her first. It’s obvious that he didn’t care about her feelings and just wanted to hurt her.
It’s not easy dealing with toxic partners like this; that’s whyBored Pandareached out to Hasani and Danielle Pettiford, the co-founders ofCouples Academy. Hasani is an infidelity recovery specialist who specializes in affair recovery and divorce prevention. Danielle is a marriage and life coach who specializes in enneagram personality pairing and hypnotherapy.
Hasani Pettifordtold us that “it’s crucial to recognize that manipulation, gaslighting, and control are forms of emotional abuse. The first step is to acknowledge the behavior for what it is. Often, individuals who are being manipulated might feel confused or even question their own reality, which is the hallmark of gaslighting. It’s important to trust your instincts and understand that your feelings are valid.”
“The next step is to set boundaries. Clearly communicate to the partner that their behavior is unacceptable and specify what will not be tolerated. In cases of emotional abuse, it’s crucial to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist who can help you see the situation more clearly and ensure that you are not isolated,” he added.
Unfortunately, when the woman tried to set boundaries with her boyfriend, he shut her down immediately. He kept challenging her and dismissing her feelings even though she explained how important the souvenir had been to her. Rather than him apologizing, the woman decided to respect his religious beliefs and forgive him in the end.
This might not be the best course of action, and Hasani said that “if the partner refuses to apologize or acknowledges their harmful actions, it may be time to consider your well-being and whether this relationship is healthy for you. Self-care and distancing yourself from the situation are sometimes necessary steps to regain your emotional equilibrium and protect yourmental health.”
Image credits:prostooleh / Freeik (not the actual photo)
Even after forgiving her partner, the OP felt very unsettled about the entire situation. She tried broaching the topic with her boyfriend again, but he got extremely mad. When she asked him how he would feel if she did something similar with his valued possessions, he couldn’t contain his anger and threw his phone on the table. Despite all of that, she still chose to stick with him.
We asked Hasani why some people stay with controlling partners despite their abuse. He said that “often, low self-esteem orfeelingsof unworthiness can make a person feel like they don’t deserve better or that they won’t be able to find someone else. Fear of loneliness can also play a role, as the idea of being without the person they’re attached to can seem worse than enduring the abuse.”
“Another factor is manipulation tactics such as intermittent reinforcement, where the abusive partner might show kindness or affection occasionally, which creates a cycle of hope that things will improve. Financial dependence, cultural or societal pressures, and lack of awareness about healthyrelationshipscan also contribute to someone staying in an abusive situation.”
“Additionally, people who have experienced trauma or abuse in the past might normalize these behaviors, thinking that it’s just part of how relationships work. It’s important to recognize that breaking free from such cycles requires support and education on what a healthy relationship looks like,” he added.
Although it might seem frustrating that the woman still stayed with her controlling boyfriend despite his behavior, it’s important to understand that she’s just 20 years old. She may not have a great support system or the experience needed to handle a situation like this.
That’s why Hasani Pettiford mentioned that “people need to remember that emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse. It’s critical to create a safe space for those who might be in these situations where they feel empowered to speak up and seek help. Everyone deserves a relationship where they feel respected, valued, and safe.”
The best we can hope for is that the OP realizes her worth and decides to dump her boyfriend just like he trashed her souvenir. What would you do if you were in her shoes?
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