Friendships can be quite tricky, especially when significant others enter the mix. It isn’t uncommon to dislike your friend’s partner—and for a valid reason—however, how necessary is it to involve them inplansthat have to do with your friend?
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Friendships can be difficult territory, especially if you don’t like your friend’s partner
Image credits:Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author is not the biggest fan of her friend’s boyfriend, who she believes to be rude and selfish
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Image credits:gpointstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
So when the author was getting married, she chose not to invite her friend’s boyfriend as they weren’t close
Her friend confronted her about it, expressing hurt that she was the only one without her partner present and asking why he couldn’t be tolerated
The author apologized as she felt bad, but was left wondering if she should have just invited her friend’s boyfriend
The OP’sfriendhad been dating this guy for years, but he was someone their friend group disliked. Described as self-centered and rude, her friend’s boyfriend had a reputation that wasn’t necessarily the best.
Despite the friend’s insistence that her boyfriend was different when they were alone, her friends—including the OP—couldn’t ignore his behavior in social settings. However, to keep the peace, the group adopted an unspoken rule: tolerate him for their friend’s sake.
The OP gotmarriedand invited close friends and their significant others but intentionally left her friend’s boyfriend out. She simply didn’t want him there. For one, they’d had a major fallout in previous years, and this led to them being civil with each other, but not close.
However, during the wedding, the OP’s friend felt isolated because her boyfriend wasn’t there. So when thereceptioncame, she tearfully admitted to feeling left out—not just at the wedding, but throughout her relationship with her boyfriend.
She continued to express frustration over the group’s coldness toward him and how it made her feel alienated. While the OP explained that she always tried to be kind and civil with her boyfriend, she could see that her friend’s reaction revealed years of pent-up feelings that had been left unaddressed.
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La Concierge Psychologistacknowledges that conflict is a natural part of any friendship, however, how it is managed determines how long the relationship will last. They state that “people avoid conflicts in their friendships because they are afraid that addressing issues might lead to strain,” however, this worsens issues and breeds resentment.
Addressing problems and talking about them can lead to finding common ground. In fact, it strengthens friendships and can help to prevent future issues.
And what happens when the source of the conflict is a dislike for their partner?Verywell Mindaffirms that it’s common for people to dislike their friend’s partner, and it often comes down to personality differences. However, they suggest that it’s important to identify why you feel that way.
They suggest that dislike for a friend’s partner could stem from two main reasons: how the partner treats your friend or others, or simply personal dislike. If the issue is notabusivebehavior, being honest about your feelings and setting boundaries can help you navigate the situation without ending the friendship.
But should the OP have invited her friend’s boyfriend?Bridesagree that creating a wedding guest list can be stressful. However, the key is to invite people who truly matter to you, such as close friends and family members you’re still connected with, as opposed to people you aren’t as close with.
While they do say that it is good to invite friends’ plus-ones so they don’t feel alone, what is most important is celebrating the day with those who love, respect, and support you and yourpartner.
The consensus is that the OP’s friend should understand the consequences of her partner’s actions. Despite feeling sympathy for her, many agreed that the OP had to prioritize her happiness on her special day.
What would you do if you were in the bride’s shoes—would you have invited your friend’s boyfriend to keep the peace, or would you stand your ground?
Netizens don’t see anything wrong in her not inviting the boyfriend and believe that’s what the friend gets for dating him
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