The holiday season should be a time forfamily, friends, food and fun. But it can also mean added stress and, of course, some epic familydrama. 22% of Americanspolledin a recent survey said they anticipate conflict with relatives at this time of year. Another study revealed that holiday family arguments get so bad that some people even end up changing their wills and estate plans. And a third pollfoundthat 10% of those surveyed had shed tears over the notion of spending a holiday with their in-laws.
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What they got instead was a wave of conflict and drama in the form of a surprise overnight visit from the in-laws
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When estate planning company Trust & Willconductedtheir own survey on family holiday arguments, the results surprised them. “One of the most compelling insights is how holiday disagreements can spark meaningful estate planning actions,” said Cody Barbo, the CEO and founder of the company. “Nearly 20% of respondents who admitted to having disagreements noted that family conflicts during the holidays led to revisiting or adjusting estate plans.”
While the survey didn’t delve into individual anecdotes, Barbo says they’ve seen from experience that holiday disagreements can escalate significantly. “For example, conflicts about fairness in inheritance or perceived slights during family gatherings sometimes lead individuals to reconsider their estate plans, including adjusting beneficiary designations or even excluding certain relatives. The emotional intensity of the holidays amplifies these situations, turning temporary disagreements into lasting decisions.”
Barbo adds that there’s an unexpected silver lining. “The holidays offer a rare chance for families to come together, but this closeness often brings unresolved issues to the surface,” he told Bored Panda. “Even contentious moments can bring important topics to light, encouraging families to clarify their legacies and align on intentions.”
Survey finds 1 in 4 Americans dread spending the holidays with their in-laws
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If you dread spending holidays with yourin-laws, you aren’t alone. A separate recent poll of more than 1,000 Americansfoundthat39% haveskippedholiday gatherings previously, to avoid complicated situations. 12% are planning to do so this year. Nearly 2 in 5 of those surveyed said being in a relationship has made the holidays more complicated.
“Whether they’re sad to miss family traditions or uncomfortable around them, 1 in 4 said theydreadgoing to their in-laws for the holidays,” reported DatingNews.com. “Nearly 10% even report crying over the stress of spending the holidays with their partner’s parents.”
Just under a quarter of respondents said holiday plans cause tension between them and their partners. The main arguments revolve around dealing with family dynamics, splitting time between families and financial strain.
It’s important to make time for yourself during the holiday season, and the same applies to the rest of your family. This can help to breaktensionand avoid arguments. “We all need space for ourselves – to breathe, to regulate our nervous systems, and to look after our needs,”saidclinical psychologist and author Dr. Tracy Dalgleish. “Whether you plan for your alone time or for couple time, ensure that over the visit you have space for just you as a family.“
Dalgleish adds that it’s important for couples to be on the same page ahead of the holidays. “Many couples don’t prepare themselves for family visits and move on autopilot from one event to the next,” she said. “This can create conflict, as expectations between partners are not being clearly shared and identified.”
Setting boundaries is also crucial, but Dalgleish says the action and follow-through matters the most. If you find people pushing your boundaries and refusing to accept them, you might want to consider a time-out. Or leaving altogether. After all, you can’t control someone else’s actions. But you can control your own reaction.
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