More info:Reddit
Hiding the truth about a kid’s biological parents may bring them more pain than telling the truth
Image credits:Ivan Lapyrin (not the actual photo)
This grandma shared how her granddaughter looks different from her siblings
Image credits:cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
The main problem arose when the granddaughter told her that her parents had banned her from getting an ancestry test
Image credits:CDC (not the actual photo)
However, when the parents were confronted about suspicious details around the teen’s birth, they denied everything
Image credits:u/False-Wordliness664thi
The granddaughterasked her grandma to buy her a DNA test and, as it turned out, she’s not her mom’s biological child
Recently, a Reddit user shared her story online asking folks if she was indeed being a jerk for giving her granddaughter a DNA test after she was confused as to why she looks different from her other siblings, but the parents denied everything and banned her from taking the ancestry test. The post caught a lot of attention and in just 3 days collected more than 16.2K upvotes.
After the granddaughter had a little talk with her biology teacher, who also said it’s odd for her to have some traits, the teen asked for help from the OP. So grandma bought her a DNA test and, as it turned out – she is not her mom’s biological kid. Now the whole family is tense as OP is getting heat for getting her a DNA test and the teen is mad at her parents for being lied to her whole life.
Community members backed the OP and gave her the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge. “They are beyond AH for not telling her. I was 6 when I first asked why I looked so different from my parents, they began explaining then. I was adopted,” one user shared. “People have a right to know their genetic heritage. Lying about adoption is linked to increased suicidal ideation, anxiety, & depression,” another added.
Image credits:Jill Burrow (not the actual photo)
For more insights regarding this topic,Bored Pandagot in touch with Alexis Hourselt, host ofDNA Surprisesand cofounder ofDNA Surprise Retreat.
She kindly agreed to share coping mechanisms that are the most effective when dealing with the emotional aftermath of DNA surprises, how discovering unexpected results can influence personal identity, and what factors contribute to the rise in people discovering unexpected familial connections through DNA tests.
To begin with, Alexis shares that the first recommendation is to find a trusted therapist. And while there aren’t many therapists who specialize in DNA surprises, people can find grief and trauma therapists to help. Another thing is Facebook groups for online support. “Search for terms like ‘NPE,’ which is the term for people who have had a non-paternal event or ‘not parent expected’ or ‘dna surprise.’”
Podcasts like Alexis’ that share stories of people who have been through the same thing can be incredibly validating too. And lastly – in person and virtual support groups. ”This year, I co founded theDNA Surprise Retreatfor people in our community. Real-time connection is a powerful healing tool. At the retreat, people learn skills that will help them navigate a DNA surprise while spending time with people who understand them. “
Speaking about finding out unexpected parentage and its influence, she shares that it completely uproots one’s identity. “Everything you thought you knew about your family history, your medical history, and sometimes your ethnic identity is wrong. Many people that I speak to experience a phenomenon of not being able to look in the mirror for days or weeks after the DNA surprise. There’s an immense disconnect between what you feel and what you see,” Alexis added.
And lastly, the podcast host emphasizes that family secrets about parentage have always existed, it’s just that now, with testing, we are able to uncover them. The kits are more affordable, which makes them more accessible. And as test kit sales continue to rise, we will absolutely see more and more DNA surprises.
Additionally, if you find yourself in a similar situation and are struggling – Alexis shares that the next retreat for people that help navigate a DNA surprise is September 19-22nd, 2024 in Phoenix, Arizona. You can find more informationhere!
Redditors backed the author and her granddaughter in this situation
Family
