From time to time, we are reminded that life is not without difficulties. And often, it’s ourpartnerswho provide us with the emotional support and comfort we need to get through them. After all, it’s true that a friend in need is a friend indeed.
However,this relationshipwasn’t able to withstand the test of hardship. When the boyfriend started feeling unusual pains and required hisgirlfriend‘s help, he was completely ignored. The same evening, he ended up having emergency surgery alone, which made him rethink their future and his marriage proposal.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with its author and self-healing and relationship expert,Rebeccah Silence, who kindly agreed to tell us more about supporting partners in emergencies.
It’s true that a friend in need is a friend indeed. However, this man learned it the hard way
Image credits:Mathurin NAPOLY / matnapo (not the actual photo)
It happened when his girlfriend ignored his emergency calls and he had to go into emergency surgery alone
Image credits:Long Truong (not the actual photo)
The original poster tells us that his girlfriend has never acted this way before
The author of this story tellsBored Pandathat he turned to the AITAH subreddit because he genuinely couldn’t figure out if he would be in the wrong to break up with his girlfriend for ignoring him.
When asked if his significant other had beendismissiveor unsupportive before, his answer was negative. “She likes to give me the “silent treatment” if she’s mad at me, but that usually only lasts a few hours. She’s never done anything like this,” he said.
“It is never unreasonable to expect your partner to be there for you during challenging times”
We also reached out to self-healing and relationship expertRebeccah Silence, who believes that “it is never unreasonable to expect your partner to be there for you during challenging times, such as a health emergency. However, clear communication is key. It’s crucial to express what you want, what you need, how you feel, and the specific support you are looking for.
I often coach couples to provide each other with opportunities to show up in the ways they’ve always needed and wanted to receive love and support. From there, your partner may or may not be able or willing to accommodate, but your first step should always be to communicate your needs.”
She further explains that we often expect our partners to read our minds, which is impossible and inevitably leads to disappointment. Therefore, she recommends keeping in mind that the partner might not be equipped to offer emotional support in the exact way the other envisions. While it’s sensible to expect it, pressuring them to do so isn’t
In order to receive the support one anticipates, Silence recommends, “Communicate clearly, allow them the chance to support you, and appreciate that their best effort is enough. This approach will help foster a healthy relationship and a supportive environment. Remember, you will receive the support you deserve, whether from your spouse or someone else, as long as you remain open and willing to accept it.”
In cases where the partner is not providing the emotional support one seeks, the relationship might not be doomed
In cases where the partner is not providing the emotionalsupportone seeks, Silence explains that even after the trust has been broken, partners can always rebuild it as long as they are committed to growing together. “The foundation of this repair, however, starts with trusting yourself—trusting that you know what to do, what to say, and that you deserve to set high standards. These standards are crucial as they foster growth and deep satisfaction for both partners,” she says.
But what many couples struggle with is conflict. Rather than avoiding it, Silence advises recognizing that such disputes often present opportunities to strengthen and deepen their bond. She adds, “It’s essential to determine whether your partner is as dedicated to improving and deepening the relationship as you are, and whether they are willing to acknowledge and address their role in any issues.”
If both people are ready and committed to moving forward, the next step is having honest and intimate communication. Silence explains, “Speak with kindness and without blame, threats, or intimidation. Aim to be solution-oriented, discussing what can be improved rather than dwelling on and focusing on problems. Propose ideas and possibilities for handling situations differently and better in the future instead of simply tossing the problem back and forth like a “hot potato.””
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