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They put shrimp in my food to see if I am really allergic to seafood or just being" dramatic.“Anaphylaxis occurred, epi-pen deployed, ambulance trip. The hospital suggested I press charges.They never admitted it was the wrong thing to do. They never apologized.
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This was way back when (in the 90s), but a dude invited me back to his place for dinner, said he’d make scallops. I love seafood, so heck yeah!That boy made Betty Crocker Scalloped Potatoes. Yeah, from a box.He didn’t even make them well, either. They were still funky and crunchy in the middle!*But…….*I met his roommate that day, and he and I’ve been married for almost 30 years, so it wasn’t a total loss.
She said that the temperature in her house never changed, so she couldn’t understand why she was always hot/cold.She had never taken the packaging off of the digital thermometer, so she was just looking at a sticker that said 72 degrees.
He kept littering. I really hate littering. The day he spit his gum out on the sidewalk of a zoo I called him out on it. He says “It will evaporate”. I laughed and said “Thats funny but no seriously you should just use the trash can.”. He gave me a confused look. Thats when I realized he was serious. He was so convinced that trash evaporates in the sun we had a full on debate about it.Edit: The f*****g idiot was me because I stayed with him for 3 years after that.
Had a boy try to convince me that he didn’t need to use a condom because I couldn’t get pregnant while he was taking antibiotics. (Would have been the first time we got physical, I noped out when he would not tell me why he was taking them- I still think I dodged a bullet).
In my early 20’s, I started living with my boyfriend at the time. I got my period and he demanded to know what I had done with the egg.Folks, this 21-year-old man, whose mother was a nurse, who had a sister that had just given birth to twins, thought that human women LAID AN EGG when they had their period.
I took her out to dinner, gave her two options: an Italian restaurant or just like a regular restaurant where they served all kinds of stuff. She said she really hated Italian food, so we went to the regular restaurant. Where she ordered a lasagna.
I have an Ex-wife who pretends to be allergic to chocolate (spoiler alert, she isn’t), and one year for my birthday we went out to eat with all my friends and family.I offered her some of my coconut shrimp, which she gladly accepted. 4 seconds later, she made a terrible “RRRUuUgggGgHHhhH!” sound and spat the chewed shrimp onto the table. As loud as she could, she said “Was that COCONUT SHRIMP?!?““Yes” I replied.“Coconut??? COCONUT???…” She shouted, and was met with blank stares. “COCOA-Nut?!?” She hollered, trying very hard to embarrass me in front of everyone I know.Once the laughter died down, I asked her if she really thought there was Cocoa in Coconut. We’re divorced now, thankfully. .
We had a heated debate about whether or not dinosaurs were alive during the American Revolution. Her stance was ‘there’s really no way to know’.
We were in the forest discussing a possible pregnancy scare. She wanted to ‘knock on wood’.She walked up to a tree and asked me “This is made of wood, right?“Bless her heart,(Thank God she wasn’t pregnant….).
In college, I dated this guy who was nice but kind of dumb. And he had some bizarre personal habits around the house, the worst of which was the fact that he only owned one towel and he rarely washed it, like once every couple months. It hung in his bathroom as stiff as sheet metal and as a rough as a cats tongue.So, for Christmas, I bought him two more bath towels, a hand towel, and several washcloths. When he opened it, he looked quietly at it for a second, like a goat looking at a new fence, and said, “but I already have a towel…”he was genuinely puzzled as to why anyone would own more than one towel since “it gets cleaner every time you use it.”.
Got in a big fight with my girlfriend at the time because I saw a bear crossing sign and thought it was worth pointing out. She called me an idiot because there was no way there were possibly bears in Michigan. I reminded her that we were going to the Sleeping Bear Dunes. That made us discuss if there were bears in our hometown (also in MI). I said yes. She said there couldn’t possibly be bears in our hometown and I’m stupid for thinking that. We got in some ridiculous fight about how she can’t date an idiot. A week later, a car accident happened less than a mile from her house where the car hit a bear. I sent her the news article, and that’s when another fight started.
We watched Shrek and she didn’t believe that the guy who voiced Shrek was the same guy who played Austin Powers because “their accents aren’t the same.“I explained that it was the same actor doing different voices. She couldn’t fathom it.When I told her that Austin Powers' voice wasn’t the actor’s real voice either, that was too much for her to handle.
After almost 6 months I finally decided I could introduce him to my extremely judgy friend group. Sitting at the bar having a great time. My friend whispers “he’s a keeper” I’m thrilled they get along.Not even a minute later while talking he states out of no where “well the earth is flat” and that he knows because “YouTube “I sailed the globe in the Navy, my friend is a long haul pilot and he just kept referring to YouTube.Thought he was being funny, he was serious. Took him home, dropped him off and never saw him again.So. Still single!
My Hispanic date said she would never marry a black guy because she didn’t want to have Puerto Rican kids. Edit: she wasn’t joking.
My period arrived when we were at dinner and he asked me to ‘hold it’.
She thought i didnt actually have a gluten sensitivity and was just being a picky eater so she told me she had ordered a gluten sensitive alternative to a food i wanted but actually didnt and watched me eat it to catch me lying. i ended up in the hospital, in a foreign country on the other side of the world.three weeks later i got diagnosed with celiac and she lost a girlfriend.
I came home and she was upset about a news story she watched earlier about a new method of execution being approved in… I forget where, like Ohio or something.She proceeded to explain the process, where one a person sits on the seat it automatically activates a grabber arm, which has a topical anesthetic applied to each prong to “numb the area to make it totally painless” before it twists their head off. There was more to it, but we got about 30 seconds in to her explanation when it was clear this isn’t a thing.I tried to reassure her of that, which led to an argument and her eventually sending me the video in question.This was a video from The Onion. This was clearly not real, and not even clever satire, it was just dumb.Even then I tried laughing it off and showing her where it was from and what they do, and she still persisted. It’s the news, and they can’t just make things up.I left her that week.
When my ex decided to dine and dash but was stupid enough to leave his car in the parking lot of the place i picked him up from…..drove him back took his wallet and made him pay the full tab and tipped the poor girl who was crying in the back $30.
Google had an April Fool’s joke one year where if you lick your phone screen, you can actually taste the object of what’s being displayed on the screen. Needless to say, she did it several times and said it didn’t work.
Met a cute girl and asked her for a date. This was pre-cell phone or GPS so I asked her for directions. She state: “Go past the train track, take the second left, the third right, the second right then the second left and my house is the white one.” Started at the train tracks, took her directions, and ended up in the middle of nowhere. Did this three times. So, just for sh**s, I started at the train tracks, everywhere she said ‘left’ I turned right and where she had said ‘right’ I turned left. Found her place on the first try. During the date she also told me she wanted to be a ‘veteran’ because she loved working with animals.
We were watching the movie Se7en, where each murder is tied to one of the seven deadly sins. The first victim was found murdered after being force fed to death, with the big reveal being when they found the sin written on the wall behind a fridge or something I think. I will never forget the sound of this man’s voice as they moved the fridge aside to reveal his sin and he slowly started to realize which one it was… “Ooooooooohhhhhh. Gluten.”
Ex of my best friend: thought that a (online-) cloud is located in the actual clouds and was really concerned about his data getting lost when it started raining. Dude was 19 and working in trades.
We were talking about my dog who was about to be spayed and the after care (how she will have a stitches on her abdomen). He was incredibly confused as to why she would have stitches there… I asked him to explain to me how he thought a female dog was spayed. His response “don’t they just …. sew it closed?” ….
Dated a woman who was sweet and sassy, but not terribly bright.One weekend we went out for an afternoon walk and I made a casual observation about the moon (it was visible that day).She stopped and just kinda stared at it. Told me “that can’t be the moon!“After some light interrogation I found out that she believed:- the sun and moon cannot be out at the same time- she thought the sun and moon were the same thing- she thought that the moon is just the sun when it “runs out of fuel.“This kinda lead to whole rabbit hole of other things (misconceptions, light conspiracy theories, etc). We did enjoy ribbing each other a bit, but I felt genuine pity for her the more I learned and started to hold back.
Kept insisting that it’s disgusting to not have a period/ regular period bc that how “the cooch gets clean”, and I was nasty for not having one for a long time due to the birth control I was on FOR HIM.
When they tried to argue with me about whether babies can breathe underwater or not.Protip: they can’t.
I’m embarrassed to even share this. But my ex truly believed that black and Asian people could not have babies because “they are too genetically different”. I wish I was joking.
My ex would find a recipe online, not follow it, and blame the recipe for being s**t. Things like subbing breadcrumbs with flour, adding pepper flakes in dishes that are not spicy. Those were the most disgusting swedish meatballs I’ve ever had.
My first hint was when he insisted that girls on the beach were “cladly dressed.” I could not convince him the term he was going for was “scantily clad.” Nope, they were cladly dressed and that was the end of it.Later he would watch those reality shows like Survivorman (I may be mixing up titles, it’s whatever one would be dropped off with a backpack and camera crew) because he was confident the guy was going to die on camera at some point and he was going to see it.I would point out, this isn’t airing live, he’s not actually alone (camera crew at minimum), and if he did die during filming not only would it not be aired but you’d probably hear about it before it could have aired anyway. Nope, I’m wrong, the guy is completely alone and if he dies we’ll see it happen.Also insisted Kriss Angel actually has a pact with the devil because otherwise how could he make things as big as construction vehicles and buildings magically disappear? He definitely really does, it’s on camera and there’s a live audience.I gave up at that point.
An ex dropped me off the first day at a job. He was late picking me up and when I called 30 min after my closing shift to see what was up, he said it was because the car was stolen. I called to find another ride so a friend came to get me instead.Homeboy drove across the street to get a soda AND WALKED HOME. HE FORGOT THE CAR. We saw it on the way back to the apartment.
Explained to her that Mules were sterile.She then asked " If they are sterile ..how do they urinate?”.
She had received an email from what appeared to be a spam Best Buy account. I told her over the phone to ignore it. Got annoyed and hung up on me. Deal with it yourself I said. Bad move.Said she was charged $400 for a software she got when she bought her Mac. Ended up calling the number and downloaded a software to give the scammers access to her laptop to “delete the software”.Somehow they managed to get into her bank account and transferred money from one account to the other. They said while trying to refund her the $400, they accidentally refunded $9000, instantly. They told her if she didn’t want to go to jail she had to go to Walmart and buy $9000 worth of gift cards.I arrived home to her hysterically crying while still on the phone with the scammers. I jumped on the phone and knew she’d got got. When I hung up on them she gasped and thought she was going to jail.
She didn’t know dinosaurs were real animals. She thought they were made up, mythical creatures like a Pegasus.
He had this PIN number written ON THE CARD THAT THE PIN WAS FOR.
Had an argument with a girl I was seriously considering dating until the moment.She told me she was scared to hold her breath because she would pass out and die.I told her that her body would continue to breathe, even unconscious, just like when you’re asleep.We got in an intense argument about it. And we did not end up dating.
When I mentioned that a particular restaurant made their own pickles and he firmly corrected me, informing me that “pickles grow on bushes.”.
He thought the national anthem started ‘Jose can you see’.
I have a copper bracelet I wear on occasion. It was hot out and I was getting sweaty so after several hours I had some green tarnish marks on my wrist. She freaked out thinking it was an allergic reaction. I tried explaining it was just from the salt and the same reaction is what made the statue of liberty green. Nope, still couldn’t grasp it and thought I was dying.
Not sure if she’s the idiot or her friend. She got a tattoo from her friend with the word Angle on it.Obviously it was supposed to say Angel.
She and I climbed a small mountain about ten miles from the ocean. When we got to the top, she sees a small lake at the base of the mountain and asks me if it was the ocean. I started to laugh but caught myself when I realized she was serious.
In HS I was dating a girl, that when we watched the movie “300”, she asked me if all those people were real. I thought she meant live actors vs CGI. I told her a lot is real actors. She then asked me, “all of those people had to die to make this movie?” We stayed together for awhile after that, she had a great a*s.
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I was dating an idiotShe kept applying to jobs, but she was always immediately turned down. I was upset for her and didn’t understand at the time. It turns out that this 23 year-old was applying to work for banks driving armored trucks. having a track record of pilfering cash from registers. This lady had a history of theft and robbery; I was unaware at the time that she had ever been arrested. she was bewildered as to why an armored truck company would not hire her.
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It ended right after this date, but it is COVID related.His employer (Intel) was going to start requiring their employees to get the vaccine.He absolutely refused and said he would claim religious exemption. He wasn’t religious.He said COVID wasn’t real and said he would just go to the local tractor supply store and buy the horse paste if they got sick. I asked why he would go get the horse paste, if COVID wasn’t real.The date went silent, and i dumped him via text on the way home. We had only been dating about 3 weeks at that point.
She became more and more insistent that we didn’t need to use condoms. Potential for STIs aside, I asked her how we would keep from getting pregnant. She said she just “knew” when she was ovulating and would tell me when it wasn’t safe. That was all the red flag I needed to break up with her.A couple years later out of curiosity I looked her up online and she had become a single mom.
We were 10 days into a trip in the Philippines and he talked about how he always wanted to visit Asia…not realizing Philippines was in Asia. Keep in mind everyone we met there was Filipino lol.
She stayed inside the building, in bed, during a fire alarm, because she “needed her sleep” . Fire marshal had to go and retrieve her. She then complained that she hadn’t been able to sleep anyway, as the fire alarm was really loud.She told me this expecting me to sympathise with her that it was all really unreasonable of everyone involved except her.
She was complaining about money problems and then casually spent 2000$ on a lingerie photoshoot without telling me until after she already spent the money…this was the beginning of the end of our relationship.Oh, the other one that sticks out in my mind: I was driving and it was dark af out. There weren’t any lights around except for the headlights on my car, so she whips out her phone light and puts it up to the front windshield as if to help. I roasted her pretty hard for that one, but in hindsight, I should have seen that as a red flag.
Russia had just invaded ukraine and she was asking why nobody was doing anything about it or why it had even happened. I started to try and explain and talk about the UN, but she had no idea what that was. I tried to explain what the UN was but she had no idea what anything was that i was bringing up. I went down a list of what i thought was very well known historical events and people to try to find something that she could latch on to. Eventually i got a little frustrated and asked if she knew what world war 2 was. She paused and thought about it for a few seconds before replying, “That’s the one with the nazis, right?” That made a lot of stuff that she did and said make more sense.
He bragged that he’s never read a book. I asked him how he managed school and he replied “cliff notes or cheated”. I then asked what about a book growing up or on a fun topic you enjoy replied “that’s what tv and movies are for!”.
He got mad at me for feeding my dogs leftover eggs after breakfast. He insisted they’d start killing chickens and would have to be put down. Now I understand that might be the case for dogs on farms or in the country, but I live in a metropolitan subdivision. I told him I thought they’d be ok, I just wouldn’t take the dogs to the grocery store or let them see the egg container in the fridge.
Saw a picture of the pope on a magazine at the store, I said “oh look, it’s the pope, I’ve been to his house!” He said, “I have no idea who this “pope” person is.”I replied, “oh you don’t know who the current pope is or you don’t know what a pope is?”He said “I have never heard the word “Pope” in my life, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”On top of this, he applied for a job at the local police station where my best friend’s mom worked. She called me after they received his application and said “you have to help him fix his resume, almost every other word is spelled wrong and it’s basically unreadable.”He was 23 at that time.
My ex once tried to microwave a frozen pizza with the cardboard still on. The house smelled like burnt paper for days.
We were eating curry and we got talking about rice. She didn’t believe that a rice plant produced more than one grain. “Now that would be an incredible amount of rice plants just for our meal” got her to start thinking she might be wrong.
They idolize Andrew Tate.
I went on a hike with a girl I was dating to a remote mountain lake. The elevation was about 900M. I told her to just bring enough water for the hike up because it was grueling and we could refill at the lake. The lakes a good size but the actual shore access is tiny. Long story short she s**t in the water at the only access. I told her she tainted the water and unsuspecting people are gonna fill their bottles there.She said “I don’t see the big deal, the tide will take it away”.Very awkward 7 hour trip out.Edit: The water spot is not stagnant. She pooped right in the lake part that feeds the spot. I didn’t want to ramble on but the water experts are getting annoying.
Dated a guy that thought you couldn’t get pregnant on your period. Odds are low but never zero.Also dated a guy that thought it was funny to tell the waitress at the Chinese buffet “I’m dating one of your people. Can I have a discount?” I am not Chinese.
We were playing Headbanz, that game where you have a card with a random object or animal on your head that everyone but you can see, and you have to ask questions to figure out what it is.I asked so many questions, determined it was an animal, and when I asked if it was a mammal, he said “I’m pretty sure it is.” And got weird looks from my kids.It was an octopus. A f*****g octopus.“Well I thought they were mammals cause of how intelligent they are!” They don’t have hair, babe… They don’t even have bones…
After moving in together.Me: “your breath is kicking go brush your teeth”Him: “I don’t brush on the weekends”He was 27. 27 years old and didn’t brush his teeth on the weekends like a 5 year old. I should have ran then instead of waiting a year.
She comes back to my flat. I have a big well-stocked marine fish tank at the time with loads of fish.She tries to look interested (she wasn’t), then asks me how I stop it overflowing from the fish peeing in it all the time.
My ex came over after doing yard work. The next few days I began itching terribly. Poison Ivy. I asked him about it because I am incredibly allergic to it. He said he cleaned out the poison ivy in his backyard but took a shower before coming over. But then put the same clothes back on.
When she started an mlm ‘business’.
She always told me how much she hated tide pods over regular detergent. I told her it was easier. Then I seen her doing laundry one day with them, she was rippling them open and squeezing them into the laundry individually.
He is a musician and owns a ton of super expensive equipment (even tho he can’t afford it 💖). He also didn’t drive his car, so I was his primary chauffeur. During the first month of us dating, he was playing a show and we agreed to meet at the bar next door to hang out. I was already there, and he came and met me, sans equipment. I asked him if he needed me to let him put his stuff in my car, but he said it was okay, so I didn’t bring it up anymore. We sat and talked for a while. Then, someone came up to him, a bit upset, and said, “Hey [name], you left all your stuff outside in front of the stairs where everyone’s walking. I took everything and put it inside [bar he just played at], but they’re locking up so you have to grab it tomorrow. Next time, don’t leave your stuff sitting out in the open to be stolen.” My bf just laughed and thanked the guy. Not fazed at all.Instead of asking me or ANYONE to safely keep his 1000s of dollars worth of instruments, he left them all outside of the entrance to the bar where hundreds of people were crowding around. ANYONE could have snagged any of his stuff without bf or anyone ever finding out who did it.This was one of many, many, MANY just stuuuuuuupid things he did during our time together. He was the exact opposite of self-sufficient and just plain pitiful. Gd he sucked so bad.
When, at 23 years old, he was amazed I was able to pee with a tampon in. had a quick sex education lesson in the bathroom of a frat house on the female anatomy.
She was filling out a form and had to pull out her drivers license to verify how to spell her first name. Now that I think about it, she also got a tattoo to honor her brother who had passed away years prior but had his name spelled wrong on it.
He said that Al Quaeda was a country. .
She tried telling me that the number 0 was a positive number. Let alone the fact that it’s neither a negative nor a positive number. I let the idiocy slide until she started to tell me that all tv’s are the same size they just say they’re different sizes to scam you out of your money. Like what?
When she told me she doesn’t tell me all kinds of stuff because she is afraid of manifesting negativity. Our relationship fell apart because I wanted to communicate and she wanted to remain silent and pretend everything is great.
When she asked me to proofread her paper in college (she was a Comm major) and I felt like I was reading something from a 5th grader.The amount of spelling and grammatical errors was horrendous. Her run-on sentences spanned the length of paragraphs. She constantly repeated herself, or just completely changed topic in the middle of a sentence. I simply could not believe that she had made it through high school with her level of writing.Never experienced such a thing before. I began to see a lot more characteristics and actions that were just poorly planned, and also began to see that we weren’t having very intellectually-stimulating conversations… we mostly just talked about what we were currently doing or stuff at parties we attended. It all slowly fell into place and I realized it wasn’t going anywhere. We amicably ended things, and I stopped helping her out with her homework. To no surprise, she left college the following semester.
The first time he stayed the night I heard him talking to his friend on the phone the next morning (this was before texting) and he said, “Hey man guess what this girl has, like, BOOKS and s**t.”.
I was a senior in high school and started dating a boy my age who decided to drink almost an entire 5th of vodka on NYE and not let anyone know that he was a diabetic. He got really sick and threw up all over my friend’s bathroom, to the point I had to call his parents and ask them to come pick him up. Thankfully his mom was super cool about the whole thing and showed up right away to get him.As if this wasn’t bad enough, while using his phone to find his mom’s number, he got a notification from some other girl who was actively sending nudes to him. I’m not usually one to snoop, but there was unmistakably some other girl’s tits on the notification. So not only did he make poor choices with his health, but he didn’t respect me either.After he left, I stayed up until almost 6 in the morning cleaning my friend’s bathroom because I was so embarrassed I brought that mess to their house. Then, when the man of the hour woke up and texted me the next day as if nothing happened, I invited him over and broke up with him at my front door.
When she didn’t know the earth travelled around the sun.
The baking tray for the cookies was too big for the oven, which prevented the door from closing completely. She decided to ignore the issue, and just bake the cookies with the door a couple inches ajar, and she cranked up the temperature of the oven to compensate.
When I saw an onion stuck with a fork on her bedside table. She was not feeling well and she read that it could make her better.
Kindergarten teacher. She was driving to meet me at my work. I was giving directions and used a colloquial term to turn at the 3rd “red light” instead of saying traffic signal or intersection. It was after work commute and all of the signals were timed green for the flow of traffic. She ended up so many miles away before encountering a 3rd red light.
My ex-wife said that the reason I don’t enjoy the big Bang theory is because “I don’t understand astrophysics” while snapping her fingers.
My wife struggled in school. She does well, she’s a great mom. But sometimes she comes up with the dumbest f*****g questions. Her all time best, which I reminder her of at least once a year (we’ve been together 16 years, this is about 13 years ago)> in which Carribean Island is Hawaii?To say geography and history isn’t her strong suit is an understatement.
He had a meltdown because the toaster broke and he thought that meant he couldn’t make toast. Stovetop and oven were both in working order. Funny enough, he was a nuclear physicist with a PhD, but when it came to simple problem solving… dumb as a rock.
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