No two weddings are really the same. Every couple chooses to celebrate love in their own way, whether that means hosting it in a tree house, including bungee jumping, or excluding kids.
The latter is constantly being discussed online because children, as joyous as they are, can sometimes be disruptive. RedditorDarealMistake’s sister-in-law was one of the people who wasn’t happy to accept a child-free celebration. After the bride stood her ground about not wanting kids at their wedding, the family member became upset and refused to come to it at all.
Wishing to solve the situation, she turned to the “AITAH” subreddit to ask netizens if she’s being heartless or reasonable about having a “no-kid” rule at their celebration.
Scroll below to read the whole story and find a conversation with etiquette expertDiane Gottsmanand wedding plannerJulia Turley, who shone a light on child-free weddings.
Every couple imagines their wedding differently, and this one wanted to spend their day without children
Image credits:Felipe Bustillo / unsplash (not the actual photo)
However, bride’s sister-in-law wasn’t happy about the decision and even refused to come to the wedding
Image credits:Dmitry Zvolskiy / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits:Jørgen Håland / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits:Dareal_Mistake
Experts paint the child-free wedding scene
Image credits:Asad Photo Maldives /pexels (not the actual photo)
Not inviting children to a wedding still stirs up quite a bit of controversy amongst parents who attend them. Despite the couple’s best intentions, guests with little ones might be apprehensive about the no-kids rule, hence the sister-in-law’s reaction.
Bored Pandareached out to wedding plannerJulia Turley, who kindly painted the kid-free wedding scene.
“Child-free weddings are definitely seeing a spike right now, largely due to the social movement recently to normalize them. Many more couples are opting for events that feel more elevated, classy, and adult-centric. I would say completely child-free weddings aren’t taking over yet, but I am seeing more couples than ever imposing some kind of restriction on their guest list. Maybe this is an age limit (like kids must be older than 5) or a time limit (kids must leave before the reception), but restrictions against child guests are on the rise for now.”
From a wedding planner’s perspective, Turley provides more ideas on how to do that gracefully. “To indicate who is and isn’t invited to the wedding, it all starts with labelling the envelope correctly. Envelope etiquette would state that the child is not invited unless it is addressed to the entire family. For instance: “Mr. + Mrs. Johnson” = no kids invited whereas “The Johnson Family” = kids are invited”
“However, I do not think just putting it on the envelope is enough to make decisions clear anymore. The majority of people are not educated on wedding envelope etiquette and many cannot even imagine their child wouldn’t be invited! I firmly suggest putting it on the invitation because of this gap in knowledge. I work with clients to craft a statement that sounds right for them, and one popular option is “We kindly request that children under the age of 18 are left at home for the evening”. On the other hand, a simple “This wedding is an adults-only event” also works fine! Make sure it is on the wedding website too, if applicable.”
Dealing with parents who can’t leave their children at home
On the other hand, Gottsman provided advice on how to deal with parents who can’t leave their little ones at home. “If a person opts out of your wedding because they can’t bring their children, it’s important for the bride and groom to understand and not hold it against them. There are reasons why a parent would want or need to include their children.
Turley also suggested how to deal with parents who refuse to leave their little ones alone. “To hold your own against protests from parents, it is important for couples to decide with their partner what they are allowing before opening the conversation up to guests. Deciding your boundary ahead of time and knowing what you will say to your guests to enforce it is how engaged couples can keep a hold on their event and not be pushed into allowing children to attend who they do not want there.”
She added that “many couples ask me, “Can I still have a child-free wedding if I allow some exceptions to come?” (For example, their own child or their sister’s kids.) The answer is a resounding YES. You make the rules for your wedding and use your best judgement. You do not have to eliminate all children to have a largely kid-free event.”
There are various reasons why a couple would want to exclude children from their wedding
Image credits:Jonathan Borba / pexels (not the actual photo)
Besides, guests without kids will be able to relax a lot more. They won’t have to worry about where their kids are or what they’re doing. On top of that, there’s no need to juggle nap and feeding time or comfort toddlers when they get hurt or disinterested. Parents will be able to “let their hair down” and have a night off from being a mom or a dad.
There seems to be a consensus that when a couple decides to celebrate without kids for whatever reason, it’s polite to have respect for it on both sides. Thankfully, the original poster’s sister-in-law was able to compromise and find a way to make it to the wedding.
Commenters were applauding bride’s decision
You May LikeWoman Loses It As Mom Gives Away Her Wedding Dress To Pregnant SIL, Says She’s “Living In Sin”Rūta ZumbrickaitėSis Learns Only Bride’s Side Of Family Has To Pay For Their Destination Wedding, Decides To Skip ItMonika PašukonytėCouple Refuse To Let Guy Bring A Plus-One To Wedding He’s Hosting, Now Have A Bigger ProblemIlona Baliūnaitė
Rūta Zumbrickaitė
Monika Pašukonytė
Ilona Baliūnaitė
Occasions
