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I was at a funeral recently for a friend who committed [self-harm]. Largely in part because he was gay and his family wouldn’t accept him. His dad was a seventh day Adventist and the preacher was saying that we all have a guardian Angel. That his guardian Angel could have saved him but he didn’t because it’s gods plan.“And we thank god for the train that hit him, we thank god.”We absolutely do not thank god, he was 20, I wanted to punch that guy in that mouth.
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My grandfather with dementia at my grandma funeral yelled out “what the f**k was that all about” when the minister/ pastor finished his speech.Not too weird, but it was hilarious at the time. Miss that ol guy a lot.
My good friend’s dad was an alcoholic. He shot himself after shooting his girlfriend in a drunken argument. My friend was to give the eulogy. “All my dad taught me was how to open a beer with a lighter” and walked away.
“We all know he isn’t going g to Heaven, he didn’t go to church “As a believer of Christ I would never say this at a funeral. It’s not our place to question or judge others.
“Ah she makes a lovely corpse”Gotta love old Irish women.
The minister decided to preach to us about how being gay is a sin that leads to hell. This was at my 83 year old, totally not gay, great aunts funeral. He mentioned all sorts of sins that lead to hell but didn’t mention a single time how my great aunt was a devout Christian and literally nothing he said applied to her. Guy forgot it was a funeral and went right into his insane bigoted Christian b******t.
Not said but felt really out of place when someone handed me popcorn..My great uncle was an author who worked with Ripleys and covered alot of odd and spooky history. But his favorite subject was the circus so they hung old circus banners and handed out popcorn to everyone.Hands down an amazing funeral full of laughs and interesting people.The popcorn was the equivalent of Phoebe on Friends handing out 3D glasses at her grandmother’s funeral.
Preacher was talking about my mom (the deceased) and how she was a woman of God, a God-fearing woman, and one who walked with Jesus in her heart and all of this religious stuff. The only time my mom set foot in a church was when she was getting married. She might have burst into flames if she was ever forced to go to a church service. She took my Grandma to church when Grandma was unable to drive and was happy sitting in a cold car in the parking lot rather than coming inside.Me, my husband and my daughter had to suppress a case of the giggles when the preacher said that. We couldn’t look at each other bc we definitely would have started laughing.
I used to play in a brass band that was booked for a lot of funerals. At one funeral when I was about 13 the mistress of the dead bloke came in wailing. His wife came in with an English mastiff (think big scary looking dog) and sang ding dong the bh is dead and then left. According to the son of the dead man his dad was awful and he only came to dance on his grave and enjoy the inheritance money, why he was telling a teenager this, i have no idea. It was a f**g weird one. We also had to play you give love a bad name and the theme from titanic.
We put a can of beer in my father’s casket. We’re pretty sure we heard it pop open at the cemetery, before he went into the ground.
Not so much weird but funny. When my grandmother passed, the priest sat with the family and asked for some fun stories about her to share at the service. My dad mentioned she “worked the polls,” referring to her working at the county during election season. The priest took “polls” to mean “poles”….
My best friend died 5 years ago in a motorcycle accident. He was a fun-loving guy who always said “go forth, do cool s**t.” And that became the theme of his funeral. The pastor during the service was a bit uncomfortable saying it and when he did, he stammered a bit and nervously giggled which offered a slight laugh from all who were in attendance.
I think the lady giving the eulogy was trying to say that even though the mother passed away her love is still with us, or something like that. But she started that section of the eulogy with"Now that you are officially orphans…“I couldn’t believe it.
Priest: “the day (child’s name) died was the best day of my life”He was trying to make a point about how god was teaching him a lesson through the child’s death but holy s**t what a way to phrase it. You could feel the oxygen sucked out of the room as everyone gasped at the same time.
“Down I go!” a lady who was about to faint from the heat loudly exclaiming. Then THUD.
The priest kept referring to the deceased as “Nanette”, but her name was “Ann”. Then went further, mentioning how unfair it was that she died at 20, but it was an open casket for a 94 year old woman.
My parents told me about a funeral they attended where the man had [taken his own life]. The song the funeral home chose to play was Frank Sinatra’s I Did It My Way.Talk about awkward.
At the end of her eulogy, the wife of the deceased introduced the girlfriend of the deceased, who then gave her own eulogy.
My BIL was a beloved redneck and Civil War Reenactor. At his funeral he had a Confederate flag and honor guard. My wife is black. Knowing what was coming I begged her not to go, but she gritted her teeth and suffered through it for my sister’s sake. As the service concluded they were going to play “Dixie” but luckily (for me) they couldn’t get the music to work. I thought I had dodged a bullet when some a-hole in the back stood up and yelled, “Come on folks, you know the words!”. Everyone in funeral stood up and sang “Dixie” in the church, even the pastor. We sat quiet and arms crossed on the front row. My wife and I laugh about it now but I’ve never been more uncomfortable in my life!
Not me, but my father. When he was 16, his best friend drowned. The canoe they were in tipped over when one guy they invited decided to goof off and stand up. My father’s friend couldn’t swim and ended up drowning about 15 feet from the shore.At the funeral, the jerk that stood up in the boat showed up. The first thing he did was approach the mother, father and sister of the deceased friend and ask them if he could have his vinyl collection.
At my grandfathers funeral, when the rabbis had to come to us to tell us that they brought the wrong body.
The thud of someone collapsing and dying.A lady had a sudden heart attack and died at my grandma’s funeral.
Is there any food in the box over there? An old lady who pointed to the coffin.
My grandfather had a whole secret family show up to his funeral. Myself, and my Dad, and uncle all know about the secret family…….the rest of the family did not.The only saving grace was the my family speaks English and doesn’t know much Spanish. Grandads secret family was mainly Spanish speakers.I will never forget comforting my grandmother that day. She was so confused as to who these other people were and why were they so sad and upset.It was like watching a car wreck in slow motion.
My dads funeral. My younger sister’s friend stood up and said that when she was a teenager she used to stay at our house JUST to see my dad and then went off on how they used to drink downstairs when everyone was asleep.
My ex mother in law got up at her dad’s funeral and did a speech almost entirely about her own horse.
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Had an uncle go on a extended racist diatribe about “those people”. I was expecting the person who was in the coffin to come back and beat the s**t out of him because that is the last thing they ever wanted to hear.
My X wife’s family were the faith-healing type and some of them were convinced they were going to pray the recently deceased up out of the casket. People throwing themselves on the ground, weeping, having to be removed, slowly realizing he wasn’t going to wake up and actively experiencing the finality of death in real time. It was awful.
“Hello.I’m here as a fellow human to acknowledge that Lester has, as we know, passed on.Lester was a man. Also, Lester was an employee of the Waystar company for 40 years.And when a man dies, it is sad. All of us will die one day. In this case, it is Lester who has done so.Lester was alive for 78 years. But no more. Now he is dead.Lester’s wife is Maria. They were married for 15 years. Now she is sad.”.
At my granny’s funeral, the pastor that was leading her service, was giving his little speech about her life and all that. Keep in mind, this man had known my granny just about his whole life, decided to go on a tangent about people dying with MS and Cystic Fibrosis. He barely spoke a word about her life or her accomplishments etc. My granny died in her sleep and other than having a few strokes years prior, was in decent enough health. It completely ruined the funeral for me.
I recently went to a memorial service at a rock church kinda place and was absolutely shocked at how they twisted the narrative of this dead man to be a super manipulative recruitment fair for their church. It was shameless. A phrase they repeated often throughout was “the best thing about NAME was his deep love for god” and at the end they asked people to come up and be saved. Wtf?!
The widow accidentally confirmed what many had suspected for years; she had cheated on her first husband with her now deceased husband. She talked about how they met and going down to visit him in another country for several years; you could literally see people doing the math in their heads.
Old woman saying “how is your father? I haven’t seen him for a long time. " to the son who lost his father.
A random dude approached us and said “My bad.” Then f*****g left the ceremony.
I wouldn’t say weirdest, but definitely most “unspoken truth.” My dad’s extended side of the family is more well-off and as a result, pretty distant from us common folk, so we never see them, except for at funerals because a lot of them just can’t be bothered with any other attempt at a family event.Back in 2009-2014, we had a series of deaths, starting with a great uncle and ending with (sadly) my grandmother. A couple months before my grandmother passed, my dad’s oldest sister lost the battle to ovarian cancer. I remember after the service, one of my dad’s brothers was leaving and just kinda held up his hand and said, “welp! See yall at the next one!” and left.The next one was his mom. Wonder if he felt bad about it or even remembered that he said that. I should ask him when I see him at a funeral in two weeks.
“God needed him more than we did” - some priest.
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The ill-informed priest consistently calling the deceased JulieHer name was Julia.
“would you like a signed copy of my book on sales?"-my uncle to each guest at his mother’s funeral.
At my grandma’s funeral they had a new pastor who hadn’t really known her at all. A day or two before he had asked my dad what sort of things she liked, and my dad (who was obviously dealing with a lot at the time) had just said something about how she liked bird watching and had enjoyed a trip to the mountains once.Well the pastor made the entire sermon about birds and mountains, and what they symbolized, and how important they were to her. Birds and mountains. He must have repeated that phrase in a super dramatic tone a dozen times. That’s the only thing I even remember about the funeral now, and I was a pallbearer!We laugh about it now, but I think everyone was a little sad that the ceremony was basically reduced to two words that honestly were little more than a footnote in her actual life.
At my uncle’s funeral, my cousin stood up and did a speech… About herself.
I watched family members fighting at there mothers funeral about who gets f*****g what.Weird to me.
My BIL died and his side were very evangelical. They started waving their arms in the air and singing and responding “amen” to every line the preacher said. It was awkward and embarrassing.
At my mom’s funeral. Someome from highschool (i wouldn’t call friend) said “happy birthday” knowing damn well my birthday had passed 6 months already.
I my wife’s grandmother funeral my SILs new boyfriend wore a bright orange crush shirt and cargo shorts.
I know a couple of people were joking at a funeral to make sure the casket was level. The deceased was a builder and a stickler for detail.I have seen an argument devolve into a fistfight over one of the 20 watches the deceased had.Luckily not my family, I was delovering ti that crematorium and watched it happen from the kitchen.
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