“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Wife ‘I Warned You’ When Our Son Got A Lock For His Room?”

When I was a teen, there was no question in our family whether I could get a lock for my room, or whether elders should knock when entering it. Everything was much simpler – I didn’t have my own room. As they say, “no room – no problem…”

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The author of the post has a 16 Y.O. son who recently moved to his own room

Image credits:SHVETS production (not the actual photo)

The problem was that the author’s wife turned out to be completely disrespectful towards her son’s privacy in general

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The woman used to barge in numerous times a day without even knocking, which infuriated the teen very much

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So the boy decided to get a lock for his room – and the dad supported this decision

Image credits:Eren Li (not the actual photo)

However, when the woman went dramatic over the lock, the man only muttered something like “I warned you” and nothing more

So, a few months ago, according to the Original Poster (OP), his 16-year-old son “Simon” moved out of the room he shared with his youngest son into his own room. And almost immediately the question of privacy andpersonal boundariesarose in the family.

The whole point is that in the family of theauthor’s wife, it was believed that none of the family members should close themselves off from each other, that relatives “should not have any secrets.” In turn, the OP himself grew up in a family where, according to him, they tried to respect everyone’s personal boundaries as much as possible.

Needless to say, Simon didn’t like the fact that his mother could enter his room at any time without knocking. The teenager tried to defend these boundaries, but the mom claimed that they’re “family, not strangers,” and that it was actually ridiculous to demand that she knock on the door in herown home.

When the woman once again barged into the son’s room, around 11pm when he was already asleep, this became the last straw. Simon talked to his father and, collecting his pocket money, bought a lock for his door. Now imagine mom’s indignation when she saw the door locked from inside!

Perhaps in this way the man tried to avoid any bigger drama – but the problem still remained. The woman, according to the author, is now giving the silent treatment to both her husband and eldest son – “till they remove the lock,” but Simon has no intention of doing this.

Image credits:Max Vakhtbovycn (not the actual photo)

“Of course, I agree with this teenager that every person has the right to have privacy, and that if momdoesn’t respectthis right, then a lock seems like a reasonable solution,” says Irina Matveeva, apsychologistand certified NLP specialist, with whomBored Pandagot in touch over this case. “At the end of the day, just because you were raised differently doesn’t mean it was the only right way.”

“On the other hand, it seems to me that the father didn’t act entirely decisively in this situation – he should’ve supported his son publicly. Even if the teen bought the lock with his own money, if the father did share his point of view, he should’ve told his wife about it personally, and not hide behind weasel words. I hope this man will find the strength to do so in the future,” Irina concludes.

The vast majority of commenters, of course, sided with the teen, arguing thathis mothersimply didn’t respect his personal boundaries at all. “Locks mean secrets? Really? No, a lock in this case means ‘I am keeping this lock because my crazy mother won’t rein in her habit of barging into my room’,” one person wrote. “Clearly the mom is oblivious to what 16 year old boysneed privacyfor,” another one added quite sarcastically.

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