A good relationship is all about equal give and take. Both partners should care for each other, make an effort, and accept help from the other person. The moment things become one-sided, it can damage thecouple’sbond and make one partner feel like they are doing too much.

This is what happened to a person whose date refused to get them a glass of water. The guy’s reasoning was that doing so would be very submissive. This obviously didn’t go down well with the poster, who wondered whether to continue therelationshipahead.

More info:Reddit

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When a person lets their ego stand in the way of helping or looking after their loved one, it can begin to cause problems in the relationship

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Text about a date refusing to get water, with someone asking for help while blocked in on a couch.

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During the party, the poster asked their date to get them a glass of water, but the man refused, stating that he had just sat down

Text about dating etiquette and refusal to get water, emphasizing basic acts of care.

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The author left the party midway because they felt bad at their date’s refusal to get them a glass of water, and later, when the couple discussed it, the guy became defensive

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The OP had gone out of their way to connect with their partner’sfriendsright from the beginning. From making mulled wine to serving people drinks and helping out at their party, it seems like acts of service are part of their love language and something that they value a lot from other people as well.

The idea behindlove languagesis that they can tell us how a person likes to give and receive love. Every person likes to get and give affection in different ways, and understanding what that means for your partner can help you show up in a better way for them. Unfortunately, even though the man knew his date valued small gestures, he still didn’t want to get them a glass of water.

To understand why someone would think in such a way,Bored PandacontactedDr. Jodi Aman. She is a psychotherapist who shares trauma-informed mental health and relationship advice with educators, counselors, parents, and teens.

Dr. Jodiexplained that the “man must have had some belief that if he did it once, the woman would start to control him. Someone in his past may have controlled him, or he may have seen this model in a way that led him to believe if he did it once, it would continue or go downhill from there.”

“If he held this belief, he might have mistakenly seen this request as a threat to himself and not only refused but got angry andgaslightedher about making it,” she added. Though the man acted in this way, he couldn’t believe the OP had decided to leave his friend’s party early. In fact, he felt hurt that his date was leaving, but he didn’t recognize the pain he had caused through his actions.

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The OP tried to bring up the issue with their date later on because it was still a topic of contention between them. The man thenexplained that he felt getting water for someone wassubservientand thathe would only do it if the other person had earned it. The way of viewing this simple gesture was very different for both people.

One felt that it was a lovingact of service, and the other saw it as a form of submissiveness. Sometimes in relationships, one partner might feel the need to be the dominant one and may not want to give away their power or control. This need often stems from insecurity and might come out in unconscious ways.

Right now, the guy might refuse to get a glass of water for his date, but this type of behavior can also take more sinister forms. That’s why we askedDr. Jodiwhat someone could do if they were in a relationship with a dominating person who refused to be kind or helpful.

She advised that one should “get out of it. If it is at the beginning, don’t get into it. If you are into it, build a community outside it because you will need that forconfidenceand support when you decide to leave finally.”

Although it might be a very small issue to fight over, the OP’s questioning of the behavior helped them see their date in a new light. Hopefully, they also realized that they deserve much better in a relationship.

Folks felt that the poster wasn’t overreacting and urged them to dump the man

Text post about ego and chauvinism relating to a date refusing to get water.

Text discussing a situation where a date refuses to get water, emphasizing kindness and connection in relationships.

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Comment describing refusal to get water, highlighting manipulation and narcissistic behavior in a relationship.

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Comment discussing refusing to get water in relationships, emphasizing mutual care after 20 years of marriage.

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