“[Am I A Jerk] For Telling My Wife That My Son Will Always Come Before Her?”

Most of us like to be somebody’s priority, right? It may be your partner, relative or friend, but it’s a heartwarming feeling knowing that no matter what, somebody will always put you first. In relationships, we usually feel like we are each other’s priority and the most important people in one another’s lives. However, the moment a child comes into one’s life – well, that may change a lot of things.

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Telling your husband he needs to think more about you and not his son may not really have a positive outcome

Image credits:Diva Plavalaguna (not the actual photo)

Man shares that his wife is concerned about their financial situation, but the concern is misplaced

Image credits:Alaur Rahman (not the actual photo)

His wife suggested they start charging his son rent once he turns 18, but that idea was shut down immediately

Image credits:Kaysha (not the actual photo)

He suggested ideas such as no more eating out, but all of them were rejected and he was told that he needs to think more about his wife rather than his son

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This made him furious and he explained to his wife that his son will always come before her

As an alternative, OP suggested to stop eating out and various other ideas that she simply rejected. So he simply explained that he is open to her suggestions but his son is not going to be the source of income. To this, OP’s wife explained that he needs to think more of her than his son which, understandably, made the author mad and he simply told her that his son will always come before her. Well, he was called a jerk and received the silent treatment.

Moreover,Bored Pandagot in touch with Hayley Quinn, who is adating coach. She kindly agreed to share her insights about ways partners can foster a sense of importance in the relationship, impact on relationships when children are prioritized and importance of values and priorities alignments.

Hayley shares that you won’t always agree with your partner as to what you have to prioritize, but despite misaligned views, it’s important to let the other person be heard. “Create time to sit down and discuss decisions. Aim to speak in a level tone of voice and take it in turns to share your perspective,” she shares.

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Also, the dating coach suggests that it’s important to avoid saying statements that could alienate a family member like ‘…is my priority.’ “Instead, recognize that each family relationship is important in its own right,” she notes.

Now, speaking about how prioritizing kids over one’s spouse may impact overall health of a relationship, Hayley emphasizes that it’s easy to prioritize our children as we feel a duty of care as they will present to us with obvious physical or emotional needs that as parents we are attuned to fulfill.

“Raising children also means there’s more practical constraints on the relationship: You have less disposable income and time to spend on one another,” she adds. “However, if we care for our children continually at the expense of our romantic relationships, that can create wider problems”

And finally, we asked Hayley to share how important it is for couples to align their values and priorities. “It may not sound very romantic but having a shared vision for how you prioritize all the different demands of family life and your finances will greatly impact the quality of your relationship,” she says.

Additionally, the dating coach suggests creating a spreadsheet that shows all of your household income and outgoings so you can effectively create a financial plan. “Agree on one or two financial goals that you’re going to save towards that are important to each partner, and the family as a whole: Such as private school, holidays or a new sofa. It’s a given that there will have to be prioritization of your financial goals, and you won’t be able to achieve everything at once,” she adds.

Relationships