“AITAH For Being Hurt That MIL Wanted To Exclude My Daughter From [Holidays] To Protect My SIL?”

It’s been said that blood is thicker than water, meaning that if you have to choose between friends and family, family always comes first. But the lines get a bit blurry once someone marries into the family – after all, they’re family now too.

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Blood is thicker than water, as one happily married woman unhappily found out

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Despite always being kind and welcoming, her mother-in-law asked her to stay away from the family’s holiday celebrations to protect her sister-in-law’s feelings

Image credits:Daniele La Rosa Messina / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

The sister-in-law had recently had a miscarriage and was particularly sensitive about the topic of babies

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Disgusted that his mother would choose to exclude his wife and child, the woman’s husband sent his parents packing

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Well,dramastarted to unfold when, over dinner at OP’s house, her MIL started talking about what a hard few years it’s been for Ashley before asking OP if, to protect Ashley’s feelings, she’d mind sitting outChristmasandThanksgiving. OP’s husband was livid at the suggestion and, despite his mother’s protests, told her she had to leave, and that Ashley should be the one to stay at home if she can’t control her emotions.

OP says her mother-in-law has tried calling her several times since making the painful request, but she’s still too hurt to talk. Her husband, meanwhile, doesn’t want to be part of the family’s holiday celebrations at all.

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Bored Pandareached out to psychologistDr. Deborah Heckerto get her expert take on the matter.

Hecker went on, “I sympathize with the mother-in-law feeling caught between herinfertiledaughter and herfertiledaughter-in-law. However, I urge her to reconsider the request, as the consequences will be to burn family bridges.”

Hecker says that the mother-in-law disinviting her daughter-in-law to holiday gatherings is an inadequate resolution for what is clearlyherdilemma.  Yes, Ashley said she isdreadingthe holidays, but her mother assumed unasked-for advice, which Ashley may not support.  There are other ways that Mom can be supportive of her daughter’s pain.

We asked Dr. Hecker how she would suggest the family move forward, and she responded, “Infertility is a very stressful experience not only for Ashley but also for her family members, in particular her mom.  Due to the unique nature of the mother-daughter relationship, a daughter’s fertility problems can often be very distressing for the mother.”

Hecker concluded, “If the mom wants to contribute positively to Ashley’s mental health (and not impose her own roller-coaster of emotions on her), and bring the family closer, I urge her to also seek out her own sources of support. That will allow her to convey care and compassion while listening closely to Ashley’s unique pain. Ashley knows best how to preserve her well-being.”

Thanks! Check out the results:Gabija Palšytė

Rugilė Žemaitytė

Viktorija Ošikaitė

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