It’s not uncommon for colleagues that live close to each other to carpool, as long as the arrangement works out to everyone’s benefit. It savescash, puts less cars on the road, and gives colleagues some out-of-office bonding time. But life happens and situations change, which can sometimes mean these arrangements come to an end.
In the case of Reddit useru/throwawayaita278902, she has always driven her friend to work but, now that she’s 7 months pregnant and going on maternity leave, she won’t be able tocarpoolanymore. Her friend can’t drive and has no idea how she’s going to get to and from work. Now she’s asking the mom-to-be to ask her partner to take over carpooling duties, but theauthorof the post is refusing to do this.
More info:Reddit
Ridesharing mom is going on maternity leave, meaning she won’t be able to keep driving her friend to work
Image credits:RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
The friend keeps insisting the woman ask her partner to drive her, but she says it’s out of the question
Image credits:Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
Image credits:Luiz Gustavo Miertschink (not the actual photo)
The mom-to-be feels it’s unreasonable to ask her partner to wake up earlier just so her colleague can get a ride to work
Image Credits:u/throwawayaita278902
Now her friend won’t stop bugging her about asking her partner to take over carpooling duties, blames her partner for getting the woman pregnant in the first place
There are plenty of good reasons to carpool. It saves fuel, alleviates traffic congestion, and can make the drive to work feel a little less lonely. For one Reddit user, carpooling with her friend was convenient, since her colleague only lives 10-15 minutes away and they both have to be at work at the same time. Now that she’s 7 months pregnant and going on maternity leave in a month, the handy arrangement is coming to its end.
Now the expecting mother’s colleague is demanding OP ask her partner to take over the carpooling duties. OP refused. For one thing, it’d mean herpartnerhas to wake up far earlier than normal just so her colleague can get a lift to work, which she believes is a bit much to ask. For another, OP claims her partner has people pleaser tendencies, and would probably just cave in, so she feels it necessary to protect him.
OP explained that her colleague should have figured it out from the occasions when OP couldn’t give her a ride due to illness or appointments. Now her non-driving, carless colleague is insisting she ask her partner to take over, but she’s not prepared to budge, and took to Reddit to ask if she’s the jerk in this situation.
The entitled colleague is now guilt tripping the pregnant woman about the situation, keeps insisting she ask her partner to drive her to work
Image credits:cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
From the details in her post, it seems that OP’s colleague is intent on guilt-tripping her into doing something she doesn’t agree with. Dealing with a friend who wants to take advantage of you can be tricky, but not impossible, to navigate.
According toan article written for WebMD.com, licensed medical health counselorRobin D. Stone says, “Guilt trips often happen in close relationships (family, friends, some co-workers) where you care about your connection as well as the person’s feelings and how your behavior affects them. That care is what a guilt-tripper zeroes in on — when they “guilt-trip” you, they’re using your emotional bond to manipulate you into doing something.”
Further on in the article, Stone goes on to say that guilt-tripping is a problematic way of communicating. The guilt-tripper may have trouble expressing their needs directly, or they may feel at a disadvantage in the relationship. Guilt tripping might be a way to show dissatisfaction with you without simply saying so.
Stone adds, “When someone runs a guilt trip on you, you may feel stressed for saying no under pressure, or resentment for saying yes and feeling manipulated. You may start to avoid the person and any chance of discomfort for an impossible request.”
That avoidance can contribute to more stress and anxiety. Either way, a guilt trip can create an unhealthy imbalance in your relationship. To get back tocenterand maintain your relationship, you need a smart response. By checking in with yourself, setting boundaries, and communicating directly and with grace, you can stop a guilt trip while preserving your sense of self and protecting your relationship.
Valorie Burton, positive psychology coach and author of the booksLet Go of the Guilt: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Take Back Your Joy,says, “Authentic guilt is an inner compass. When we use it wisely, it helps us make choices we won’t regret later.”
The problem comes when we allow “false guilt” to hijack our actions in reaction to feelings of guilt.
Burton adds, “Unlike authentic guilt, false guilt is the feeling you’ve done something wrong, even though you haven’t done something wrong.”
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