It’s been said that blood is thicker than water, meaning therelationshipswe share with family members will always supersede those of friends and acquaintances. These bonds and connections forged across generations are sacred and are often the core of a family’s values.
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Blood is thicker than water, something this teen had to sharply remind her dad and stepmom about
Image credits:Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
When her grandparents passed away, they left her and her brother each a book of precious memories
Image credits:Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Her stepsiblings weren’t left anything, something that had the dad and stepmom seeing red
Image credits:Pixabay / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The dad told the teen that she needed to turn her back on her extended family and be loyal to her stepsiblings, but she refused
Image credits:prostooleh / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The teen then went so far as to blame her dad and stepmom for forcing the step siblings onto her grandparents
Image credits:Organic-Ear-819
The dad and stepmom were furious at the teen’s accusation, so she turned to the web to ask if she’s being a jerk
She adds that, when her dad remarried, he told his late wife’s parents that the stepsiblings had to be included, or he wouldn’t let them see their bio grandkids. The grandparents agreed but made it clear it was only because they still wanted to see their bio grandkids.
Over time, the stepsiblings got really attached to the grandparents, despite the grandparents never feeling indifferent towards them. OP says it was the same with the rest of her extended family; the stepsiblings were treated fine but never really embraced.
She goes on to say that thestepsiblingsgot nothing and were devastated, and that’s where the trouble with herparentsstarted.
Her dad and stepmother are now furious and are demanding that OP take a stand against her extendedfamilyand show some loyalty to her stepsiblings. OP has refused, blaming them both for creating the awkward situation in the first place and saying that they should never have let the stepsiblings believe they were grandkids to her grandparents.
OP says her dad and stepmom lost it over being blamed and said that she and her brother lacked empathy and compassion, just like OP’s extended family.
From what OP tells us in her post, her dad thinks he can impose his will on situations and decisions involving family, which is rather arrogant, narcissistic, and, in this case, definitely toxic.
Image credits:RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
In herarticlefor Psychology Today,Abigail Brenner M.D.lists some basic characteristics of a toxic person. For starters, they’re manipulative, they blame others for everything, they take no responsibility for their own actions, they have no concern for anyone else’s thoughts, feelings, or needs, and they make you feel guilty for things you didn’t do.
Brenner goes on to list some ways to deal with toxic family members. Some include setting boundaries, limiting your contact, refusing to engage, creating a solid support system, and even going so far as to cut off all contact, something that’s probably not possible for OP to do, considering she still lives with her dad.
Communicating your boundaries clearly can go a long way to disrupting a family member’s toxic behavior. Park suggests being direct and assertive, expressing your feelings, requesting specific behavior changes, setting consequences should boundaries be ignored or overrun, and changing the subject when the toxic family member tries to engage.
OP may do well to put her foot down with her belligerent dad and stepmom and make them own up to their part in the drama, which is pretty much all of it.
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