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We don’t get to be carefree little girls for long due to so many men being goddamn predators.
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Learning how to deflect unwanted sexual advances from men/relatives from the time you hit puberty.
The day you realize that little boys are treated better than you.I didn’t want to be a girl when I was little. I truly hated being a girl. I didn’t want to be a boy either. I didn’t have gender issues. I had society issues. It took a long time to realize that me being a girl wasn’t the problem. The problem was that every successful person we talked about was a man. The other was that little boys could physically assault little girls, and no one cared. The other was that girls had to play nicely and sit nicely because of our clothes.The realization that being a girl means moving through the world so differently is devastating.
Body issues… I learned to hate my body at a very young age. In my mid thirties and I’m still struggling to learn to love myself the way I am.
EARLY SEXUALISATION / HARASSMENT -> lifelong trauma and damage.PARENTIFICATION which stunts childs natural development (for example in case of younger siblings girls are required to look after them).WASTED POTENTIAL (not enough spaces to nourish girls talents in science maths chess and IT).Edit: oh and a f*****g bonus point if you are a girl growing up in a religious family..Constantly being told your purpose in life is to birth children and be a good wife. 🤮🤮🤮.
The constant mixed signals like the speech in Barbie. Be yourself but not if you’re too loud or girly or not girly or like sex but don’t like it too much. Be smart but able to be dumb at a moment’s notice. Have an opinion but not THAT opinion. Like your body but don’t say it out loud. Always criticize yourself out loud but not just for attention. Be successful but acknowledge all the other people who helped you even if they didn’t. Are you eating that? Again? And that much? Why aren’t you eating? Don’t cry. Cry but only when someone else thinks it’s valid. God you’re a cold b***h don’t you have any emotions? Know everything all the time but don’t let anyone else know that you know. God you’re such a follower. God you’re too independent you know that?I could go on and on and on. It’s exhausting.
The fear / reality of sexual assault.Oh and periods.
My father once said to me “if you didn’t want to cook and clean, then you shouldn’t have chosen to be born a girl.”My mistake. .
Expectation of having children.I hate feeling like I am worth less because I do not want to put my body and mind through a pregnancy.
That women can be their own worst enemy and drag down girls and young women with them. Like supporting/voting for misogynists. Edited to fix a missing word.
I’ll second sexual harassment, catcalling, and body issues from a very young age and add not being able to display your emotions and still be taken seriously. I hear so much from men saying that boys aren’t able to express their emotions, and while this is true to some extent (the patriarchy hurts everyone!), they can express anger and have it be taken seriously. For women, it’s immediately dismissed as hormonal/PMS/stereotypes (e.g., “angry Black woman”). If we express sadness, see above. If we express a legitimate concern (especially medical), it’s dismissed as “anxiety”. Women/girls aren’t allowed to express emotions without societal repercussions any more than men/boys are, it just looks different for us (and can have more disastrous consequences, esp. medical).
Being sl*tshamed and harrrased, always having to take care of others and being the bigger person, being told you purpose in life is giving birth.
Being constantly dismissed and therefore denied adequate help, compensation, etc.
Being expected to be “polite” to everyone - take s**t from everyone, have low standards, accept manchildren as your partner, try to “see the best” in people who wrong you, people please.Being sexualised from infancy.Being treated like an infant in adulthood.
Worrying about body image from quite a young age. Am I fat? Am I too fat? Am I fit enough? Am I too muscley? Am I too skinny now? Am I skinny enough? Endless. .
Sexual harassment and occasional assault from heterosexual men.
Being underestimated and questioned while men are seen for potential; I had this incredible self confidence as a kid that was crushed in my teen years that I’ve worked my whole life to find back.
For me it was mostly seeing how there were different rules for me than for my brothers, especially in terms of freedom.Edit to say: I’m kind of baffled with all these replies and grateful to say that my wonderful parents raised me as the tomboy that I was with (almost) no complaints. My comment was addressed at things like going out alone or being out after dark. .
Finding out what kind of p*rn men like. That our pleasure doesnt matter. That many men m**turbate to women/girls suffering.
The patriarchy. Sexism, misogyny, double-standards, assault, predatory men, etc etc etc.
The relentless sexism that puts a clamp on your life and infects everything.
Abuse. You pick the type.
I was lucky and didn’t have a lot of the terrible experiences that girls and women have, but for me it was the double standard. My brother can do no wrong and he was able to do more because he was a boy and “it’s different for girls”.
The tragedy of womanhood. As a child you believe you have an inate worth as a person, equal to everyone else. And then the slow horror creeps in through the years as it dawns on you that society does not value you as a person and your only worth is in your body and how you can benefit the men around you.
Requirements and judgement.My mistakes are taken more aggressively and poorly than dudes.
The never ending judgment and instance on compliance. I’m a women bringing up girls, it would be so very easy to teach them to be submissive and compliant but f**k easy. My girls rebel, they will push gender norms, they won’t just accept “you need to…” , they are their own people, they may fall down but I’ll pick them up,they will want to comply and fit in and I’ll support them to be themselves. Bringing up girls harder than being one.
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Being out late at night (the double standard is extremely icky) and feeling unsafe. Being told that you shouldn’t travel alone…
Wondering what do with your fkability. On the one hand, you learn early on that fkability = money, power, influence (M P I). On the other hand, you learn that achieving M P I through fkability is somehow more vulgar than every other way people get money, power and influence.Being a wage-stealing stbag, just barely to the right side of a plantation owner = WOOHOO!, Elect that man to be the president and invite him to speak at Harvard’s graduation!!! Be a millionaire sex worker, and it’s “eww… she so stupid and all she did was a sex tape.” Mmm kay.The same mother who shames you for getting fat and “unfkable” in her eyes is the same one that will shame you for expressing any form of your sexuality. Am I supposed to fkable or not? Am I supposed to want to be fkable or not? Am I supposed to use fkability as a means to M P I or not? Am I supposed to have a say in my fkability at all? What if I don’t give a flying rat’s a*s about my fkability? Getting older makes some of the answers more clear but not always.
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Taught to be the one who concedes, says “sorry”, and has to be tactful with words and actions. I look at men with artificially inflated egos and simply think there’s gotta be a better way to parent both boys and girls to help them reach potential but not be ignorant of shortcomings.Girls tend to doubt their skills and not take risks in opportunities because they think that they aren’t qualified. Boys tend to say… I don’t meet those requirements but I’m still going to go for it. (Again it’s a generalization that I saw in my own experiences and as a teacher).Edit for grammar.
Being sexualized before I understood sexuality.And the all consuming the reality that no matter what I did or what I was, I would never be correct.We are either s**t shamed or called prudes. We are either too thin or need to lose weight. We either wear too much makeup or not enough. It’s never ending.
Living with the reality that your natural predator are men.
Spending all my summers cleaning and watching my younger brother. Then when I started working I’d have to spend hours cleaning after work. Being expected to be an adult when I was 12. None of my possessions were really mine. If my brother, mom, or dad wanted something of mine they just took it. Not having my birthday celebrated for 20+ years because my parents couldn’t pretend to care about me for an hour a day once a year. Being forced to put others wants/needs above mine. Being forced to clean when I was sick because having a clean house was more important than my recovery from the flu, pneumonia, etc. Having my health neglected because they thought I was faking it. Basically I wasn’t seen as a human, but something to my parents live easier.
People constantly push that you are basically over-the-hill very early in life, whereas men never lose their sex appeal. The logic being that women have prime reproductive years, so youth equals extra sex appeal. Meanwhile, even though men can continue to get women pregnant later in life, their sperm quality also drops. Older fathers also contribute to genetic issues, but this is NEVER addressed for the whole youth=reproduction=beauty argument. It is also a hilariously awful argument because I’m sure the same misogynists who push this wouldn’t turn down an infertile supermodel. Women are basically just cattle to be picked, but somehow it’s men going on shooting sprees saying it’s unfair for them this isn’t still 100% the case. We literally live in a world where billions of people see it as unfair that women don’t exist to be sex and/or slaves to men.
Never being allowed to fail/be bad at anything without it being blamed on my gender.
Danger can be everywhere around the corner. I remember everyone telling girls how they have to me extra conscious. Always getting tipps how to protect myself. I grew up in a safe country but it was an issue. I know you have to be careful but do you know how tiring it is. It makes me anxious and i am 31 now.Always being on my best behavior. Lashing out or having a meltdown was a big no no in my family. I couldn’t believe when I saw a girl having a meltdown and her family supporting her (consoling her, giving her space, being understanding).My parents would have hit my or something if i had a meltdown.
Living in a world designed to benefit the opposite sex.
Being sexualized for as long as I can remember. From being told to cover up from the time I was 4 to being catcalled for the first time when I was 11 to being flat out sexually harassed in high school.Also my appearance being such a huge deal, especially how much I weighed. Boys who had a few extra pounds were “big and strong”, girls who had a few extra pounds were told they could be pretty if they just lost some weight.
The first thing that popped in to my mind was simply the things I wanted to do.Girls don’t boxGirls don’t play base ballGirls dont do karateEven when I showed interest in music, my dad said things like, “maybe you could be Mick Jagger’s back up singer.“It was like they had this real small idea in their head of what I could do/was capable of before I was even a whole person.
Definitely having body image and the ideal norms of societyI started looking at myself and compared myself to my peers at a very young age. I was probably 6-7 years old.And here I am at 25 still trying to overcome it.…..
Men.
The expectation of marriage and motherhood.
Growing up hating women (and myself as a girl) because of the not to subtle ways it’s infused in our society. I only just recently, at 40 years old, started listening to women singers and loving it!! You really have to try and peel back the layers of patriarchy to understand how freaking amazing women really are! We’ve been here all along kicking a*s in the background.
For me it was knowing that no matter how amazing I was, no matter if my accomplishments were objectively far greater, I would always always always be second pick for any job or award to a mediocre male candidate.
Apart from psychical danger, being respected when I dissented. People never listen when you’re a girl. And you can’t say “I told you so” after they messed up.
Realizing that no one will be there for you when you need them. The only person you can depend on is yourself. .
Insecurity ab your body. beauty is so pedistalized and 99% of the time dressing pretty, doing makeup, getting nails done just brings attention of people you don’t want it from in my experience. it’s very rare that there’s a guy i like and even then i don’t feel very pretty or specialwhen someone DOES tell me i’m beautiful or whatever from a lot of guys it feels sexually charged or somehow off.
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