While the “science” behind it is more a folk-art than anything, it’s quite well known that subverting expectations andunexpectednessare a core part of comedy. After all, if you can see the punch line coming a mile away, it won’t “hit” the same. This can even happen, entirely unintentionally, when you accidentally eavesdrop on someone’s conversation.
This post may includeaffiliate links.
I work in retail, kid is being all bratty about to throw a tantrum and the father goes"If you don’t stop, we’ll just go straight home with no shopping!“The kid who was maybe about 4 or 5 hits back with"THAT’S WHAT I WANTED THE WHOLE TIME!!!”
RELATED:
Was in church, during Confessions, and overheard the priest say to the person who was in the confessional: “You did WHAT?!”
Got to witness one of these. Dude spent about an hour and a half talking nonstop about Game of Thrones. Like dude went on a full on lecture about Game of Thrones. Girl did not speak the entire time, she tried but he would not pause… Then he ends it with this gem, “but you are a woman and so I don’t expect you to understand the deepness of high fantasy” my husband and I looked at each other, when we hear “Did you forget I’m a librarian Paul, I’ve read the f*****g books!” Before she stormed out. Apparently dead Paul was giving his long winded theory based off just watching the show.
This was about three years ago, and I was on a flight to Asheville. I speak Arabic. Man #1: Where is the woman with snacks? Man #2: She is in the back. What food do you want? Man #1: I would like the crunchy cheese snack. Man #2: What? Cheese is not crunchy. Cheese is soft and delicious, like your mother. Man #1: hits him playfully in the arm I lost my s**t laughing and when they realized I could understand them they were amazed and we had an enjoyable flight convo.
One time i was waiting at the dentist and i heard two women talking and it went like:“I just found out who was using my phone when i’m not around.““How??““I download a security app that takes pictures when someone tries to unlock my phone.“Then she made a pause.“Dude, my phone is now full of pictures of my cat”
Overheard 2 65 year old women in office talking. One said she was taking grandkids to dinosaur exhibit on weekend. Second Lady said “ I think dinosaurs really existed.” First Replies “ you do?” Second said “ but they couldn’t talk to God.” First says “ Sure, they could!” Second says “How?” First “roooooarrrs loudly!!!” I thought I’d fall off my chair laughing at insane discussion.
Was on the bus and a small girl and her father were sitting in front of me. The kid was misbehaving a bit and wouldn’t sit still even though her father would tell her to settle down several times. Eventually he lets out an exasperated “Why won’t you do what I tell you to?” and the little girl answers, matter-of-factly: “Mom always tells you to stop washing your balls in the sink but you still do it!” Needless to say they got off that bus very quickly as every single person around them was desperately trying not to laugh.
At the movie Paranormal Activity, a girl behind me was constantly blurting out “Did you see that?” Eventually the girl with her yelled fairly loud “Bh, we’re watching the same f**g movie!”
I was in a shoe store and a little girl was playing on the floor with her mom. The mom kept asking her to stand up but the little girl would continue rolling around the floor. Finally she rolled under her mom’s legs and looked up and said loudly WHY DONT YOU HAVE ON ANY PANTIES? And the mom dragged her out of the store quickly.
I’m in a game store. A couple walks in and strt looking at games. The girl says “Do you really need more games?” The guy looks at her, nods toward the shopping bags she’s carrying, says “Do you really need more shoes?” The girl points to a game and say “This one looks good!”
It was in the bus.There were two guys, one of them had birthday that day. Their conversation was something like: “dude, you’re 35, what do you want to do in life?” “well, I’m still at the university, I don’t know” “bro, that’s your seventh major, you need help”.I’m still laughing about it.
In a Wal-Mart. Older gentleman shopping with his wife says “I’m hungry”. She never looks up from her grocery list; just says “No, you’re not” and walks away looking for the next item. The gentleman realizes that I’ve witnessed the entire exchange and says to me “Well, I thought I was”. He just looks down dejectedly at the floor and shuffles off after his missus. I was wheezing.
It was back in my high school art class while we were working with clay. Overheard some kids at another table asking each other if they would eat clay in a survival situation. Then they had an hour long discussion on the nutritional value of clay and if it was even edible. Which then lead into a discussion on the nutritional value of other art materials. Not gonna lie they were making some interesting points.
Overheard two employees talking at Starbucks: “It’s like all we do here is make coffee.”
Turkish store. 3 Turkish men having a loud discussion in Turkish. suddenly they all go quiet. one says “Michael Jackson” they all burst out laughing and kiss each other on the cheeks then leave the store. and i will never know what that was about.
On the shuttle bus to campus:“He keeps saying he loves me more than I love him, it’s ridiculous.” “Well, you are cheating on him.” “He doesn’t know that, though, so it’s not fair.”
Two teenage girls sitting across the aisle from me.Girl 1: “I love trips. We should take a road trip to Hawaii this summer!“Girl 2: “You are such an idiot. You don’t even have your driver’s license yet!”
I was at a graduation party for my best friend when she graduated high school in ‘07, and a boy she was hanging out with at the time was there. He had to use my friend’s house phone to call his mom and the last thing he said to her before hanging up was “I’m a grown a** man, mom, I’ll skateboard home!” We still use that to this day.
I was just on an international flight and the dude sitting behind me was talking to another woman. She asked him why he was in Europe and he said it was for a UN summit (or something). Then she asked him if there was any good news that came out of that, he just sighed and said “No”.
This happened the other day at my restaurant. Not really weird just a hilarious dad moment. Young kid: “I heard today that one of the members of One Direction left the band” Dad: “Does that now make them Two Directions?” Classic dad joke right there.
A woman was planning her dog’s birthday party, and was debating which dogs to invite since some of the dogs didn’t get along with her dog.
In Costco and they had giant crab for sale Little girl: dad what do they eat Dad: Little girls called Megan.
At the Museum of Natural History, looking up at the Blue Whale hanging from the ceiling:“Wow! How does that whale fit in the ocean?!”
Not mine, but my friend’s story.She was playing PUBG with a bunch of random people and one of the dude’s mom goes “ARE YOU TALKING TO A GIRL?” in the most dramatic voice and then he disappeared. The other dude went like “Oh man, let’s pray for his soul”.
Little girl next to me at the zoo looking at the Pandas: “Mom, when I grow up I want to be bamboo.”
2 girls on the bus sitting in front of me start talking about a date that one of them had recently been on, one of them says “and then he stuck his hand up my skirt” and her friend says “the one with the stripes on it?”
Dude 1: “What time does the beer store close?“Dude 2: “10:00"Dude 1: “What time is it now?“Dude 2: “10:15"Dude 1: “We’ll never make it.”
Years ago, I worked in the dairy department of a grocery store. From time to time, we would have sales in which the price of a half gallon of milk was less than half the price of a gallon of milk. I was never quite sure why we sold any gallon jugs during those periods, until one day while restocking, I overheard this gem:Lady 1: Oh look, a sale on half gallons!Lady 2: Hmm… how many half gallons are in a gallon?Lady 1: (without missing a single beat) Four.Lady 2: F***ing (store name)!I can overstate neither the speed with which Lady 1 replied to her friend, the confidence in her own answer, nor the immediacy with which the second lady both believed her and cursed my workplace. It was a thing of beauty.
I’ve bartended but my favorite conversation was overhead while I was on the other side of the bar. “Look all I’m saying is Grand Theft Auto severely ruined our generations perception of how many police helicopters exist” Sounded like they were getting really heated over the matter haha.
“Should we take a shopping cart?“With complete seriousness, the person responds,“You never know how much a 10 pound turkey is going to weigh”
Three years ago I was walking through the international terminal at the airport towards the gate. A man walking quickly with his luggage and talking on his phone (in a serious tone) said into the phone, “Yeah man, I did it. I quit my job and I’m running away to Thailand!”
‘Ah man I smell today. You know you get those days where you jump in the shower but just forget to wash?‘‘No. I don’t. what the hell?!’
A customer is on the phone in the middle of the bar, not too crowded but a long bar. Guy couldn’t have been more than 25. I go to help someone at the end of the bar and on my way back I overhear:“No, I don’t care! She’s my sister, she isTHIRTEENand there is no reason she should be doing c*****e! At all!“Gave him a few drinks on the house that night.
I lived in a working class area and the 7-11 on the weekends would produce hours of entertainment…. Mom to kids: “stop acting low income”.
On a family vacation to Spain:“Dad? If there’s rainclouds in Spain does it rain?”“No. Everyone knows hot sunny places don’t get rain”“John. You’re an AP geography and biology teacher in a high school. You really should know how wrong you are”“I have the degree so I know I’m right. None of you can tell me otherwise until you have my level of certification”Those poor poor students.
Overheard on an elevator in a freshman dorm at college:Girl 1: “How do you spell “bear”?“Girl 2: “Like the animal?“Girl 1: “Yes.“Girl 2: “B-A-R-E.“Girl 1: “Oh good I spelled it right. Thanks!”
I overheard a passenger passionately arguing with their seatmate about the correct way to eat a slice of pizza with chopsticks.
As a schoolboy I heard this one on the train: Boy: So why is he so afraid of cheese? Girl: Because his dad is a cheese technician and as a young boy he fell into a vat of liquid cheese and I guess he just never recovered from that.
A mom yelling at her daughter from across the park saying:“Olivia! Do not throw away your shoes!”At the exact same moment, Olivia pushed both of her shoes into the trash can and then ran to the swing set as if nothing had happened, while her mom was like:“Olivia!! No!!”
“Do you think Brazilians celebrate Christmas?” “Yeah probably, but it’s probably on a different day” “Yeah that makes sense.”
I overheard a terrible first date. He only used hand soap. In the shower and to wash the dishes. I understand not needing 15 different cleaners but wow. He said he figured out how much he needed for his laundry.
Happened In secondary school, “if you were a triangle I’d measure your surface area”.
Continue reading with Bored Panda PremiumUnlimited contentAd-free browsingDark modeSubscribe nowAlready a subscriber?Sign In
Continue reading with Bored Panda Premium
Unlimited contentAd-free browsingDark mode
Unlimited content
Ad-free browsing
Dark mode
Subscribe nowAlready a subscriber?Sign In
Exasperated Couple @ IkeaWoman: “Hey babe, what do you think of this couch, wouldn’t it look great in our living room?“Man: “I have no idea why you’re asking me, I got my shirt for free out of a beer box.”
See Also on Bored Panda
I once overheard a woman at a coffee shop say, “I don’t eat bread because it has yeast in it, and yeast is a living organism. I don’t want to eat things that are alive.” The guy she was with just nodded like this made perfect sense, and I had to physically restrain myself from explaining how food works.
I was the only customer in a Chinese restaurant and witnessed one of the waiters giving an English lesson to his coworkers. “May I have a glass of tea please, may I have a napkin, what is this s**t?”
My personal favorite was between two sorority girls on the bus “So you know how Becca was talking about getting a llama?” “Yeah…” “Well she actually did it! I went to her parents place to see it, and that f****r spit on me!!!”
Standing in an elevator, headed to the ground floor of a Atlantic City hotel.Two guys get on dragging their bags and looking very hungover.Quiet.One guy says to his friend: Things will go back to normal once we get home.His friend says back: Not after that.
I heard two girls arguing over what year it was. They decided, eventually, that it was 2007.It was 2010.
I heard a girl talking on the phone and the conversation went something like this: “So I was sitting outside on a park bench, talking on the phone, when suddenly a chipmunk fell right into my hand. Like it fell directly into my hand and I got so freaked out that I threw it as far as I could. I literally launched a chipmunk across the park”
Setting: NYC Subway Younger black man with suitcase: I just want you all to know that I am getting on the train with a suspicious package. Older black man, not looking up from his newspaper: N***a, that is the stupidest thing you could have said.
Couple walking towards me one night while I was heading to a club. Guy was mid-rant: “I can deal with s****y art! I can put up with lousy music. I can even handle d**g users and pushers! But I WILL NOT tolerate FLUORESCENT LIGHTING!!!” Had me howling all the way and into the club.
Drunk college girls walking down the street when one says “Sarah, remember when you were jessica and I peed on you?!”
A friend of mine, while working as a waiter, once overheard a conversation between two women which went something like this: WOMAN 1: ‘I just don’t know what to do about it’ WOMAN “: ‘I know. It’s the worst of two bads THE WORST OF TWO BADS.
A coworker on the phone talking about shooting someone and g**g activities. Then she says “alright grandma, I’ll talk to you later”.
Sitting next to a young woman and her boyfriend on a flight about to depart to San Diego. They were going for a romantic getaway, and apparently she decided to “find God” on the way to the airport. What did that mean? Well, she decided that they weren’t having anymore s*x until he married her, but kissing, hand holding and other PG rated intimacy were perfectly ok. Boyfriend tried his best not to flip out, but you could tell he was very agitated. An hour later we’re in the air and they’re both awkwardly sitting there without saying a word. She gasps and starts crying rather loudly. Apparently he logged into the planes WiFi, canceled the hotel and booked himself a turnaround flight home. Pretty sure they were done as well.
Overheard one of my friends mom while gaming and on skype and she told him “PICK UP ALL THESE D**N ACORNS IN THE BACKYARD! I DONT WANT ANOTHER TREE GROWING IN MY YARD”. She literally made him spend 3 hours outside picking up every single acorn in his backyard….
On a plane, sitting near a traveling baseball team of boys about 14-16ish.“No dude, you don’t understand, he’s like the best chinchilla breeder in the country!”
At a religious college towards the beginning of the semester, I overheard a girl addressing her friends. “It’s so wonderful, he proposed to me and I was still able to get all my tuition back!”
A teenager on the bus once said that if your hair is dyed when you get pregant you can pass that colour on to your child.
A great moment over heard while on honeymoon, American couple walking just behind us on Dubrovnik city walls.The man begins “It’s crazy how they’ve managed to avoid Starbuck’s or McDonald’s setting up here.““That would be like opening a strip club in a national park” the lady replies with righteous indignation.With absolute sincerity her partner responds “But what if it were a really nice strip club?”
Two businessmen having after work drinks on a Friday, where the conversation built up to one of the sweetest sentiments I’ve heard. At first the usual “Lemme tell ya, you’re a good person. I love you man.” Later on (still fairly basic): “F**k the wives! Hey, you and me, we buy motorcycles!“To finally this gem: “If a tornado were to blow you away… I would fly after you.”
I once listened to three people have an in depth discussion about how they were going to kill the “local vampire” and the steps to take to protect themselves from the coven that said vampire is surely from.My favorite though what a heated debate over whether the first Robin would be a crime fighter if Batman hadn’t picked him up and trained him.
It wasn’t really a conversation between two people, per se. More like one person conversing with an ice cream making machine.I was eating at Old Country Buffet (yummm) and got up for dessert. Wanted a cone. I stood in line behind a guy getting himself a chocolate ice cream treat, and as he pressed down on the machine he was talking dirty to it. “Oh yeah? You like that? Yesss…mmmm…that’s sooo good…oh wait, wait, slow…slower…yeah that’s it…mmmm…you like that, don’t you?“I decided to have the jell-o instead.
My freshman roommate in college would talk on the phone 24/7, to anyone and everyone. His gf, the girl he was cheating on his gf with, and my personal favorite, some random conversation that I was barely paying attention to when suddenly: “Oh! I forgot to tell you…your daughter broke up with me yesterday!“To this day I kick myself for not paying attention from the beginning
On a plane back from Poland. Just before covid arrived. Two guys discussing why they were putting masks on. I was thinking at the time that’s a bit much! Little did I know at the time! Wow! I was so dumb. Here we are though!
My fiance and I were kayaking and a group of about 5 people ahead of us were talking. One man loudly says “I can’t keep her out of the toilet, she brushes her teeth with toilet water!” A woman then said “what? You brush your teeth with toilet water?” and the accused woman responded with “yeah it-” and I couldn’t make out what else she said. My fiance looked at me and asked if he had heard all of that correctly and I confirmed that he had. This was this past Summer and I think about it all the time
Dude 1: “Hey man…what do you think a penguin would taste like? Like, would it taste like chicken but cold?” Dude 2: “Curtis are you ok? Like, did you hit your head or something?” Dude 1: “No I’m fine, it’s just something that keeps me up at night” This happened last year in my school’s lunch line. I was standing in front of the two guys and it really got me thinking about what penguins might taste like.
A man walking his wife to the car from the hospital: “Are you ok, honey?“Wife: “You don’t understand. They TOOK MY BLOOD!“Something tells me she was given some happy meds that did NOT make her happy.
Ohh. I got this one…Passenger W is struggling to get his luggage into the overhead compartment and passenger E seated next to me starts getting upset. W’s carry-on clearly doesn’t fit.E speaks up saying to be careful because his luggage is there. Flight attendant comes over and says passenger W needs to check his bag. W grows increasingly disturbed, but it works out.Then W says to the flight attendant “I’m sorry, it’s just that I haven’t taken my medication. I get so nervous with all these body bags on board. You know I have body parts in my luggage.“Passenger E turns to me and says, “did you hear that? I just have a laptop in my luggage!”
My husband and I were in a booth at a restaurant and the booth behind us sat a young man, his girlfriend, and her parents. The boyfriend said “I don’t know if my lips are dry because I lick them too much or not enough.”
Just yesterday I heard a woman at my work ask ‘Whats the capital of Amsterdam’? Her friend followed up with ‘Pretty sure its Copenhagen’. She wrote ‘answer’ down on something with a confident look on her face.
Girl 1: Why’d you eat my mayonnaise? You have your own.Girl 2: I like the combination.1: so you ate half a jar of mine without asking?2: yes, I like the combination.1: that stills doesn’t explain why you used mine.2: I LIKE THE COMBINATION
My high school had a lot of s***s. One day in class I overheard the following, Dude 1: Hey, so man, you got my stuff in your car? Dude 2: Yeah, man, I got it. You got the money? Dude 1: Well, I do, but it’s all in quarters. Dude 2: Quarters? What the hell am I supposed to do with $100 worth of quarters? Dude 1: Hey man, you just said I needed to bring you $100, you didn’t say it had to be in bills. Dude 2: What… Where the hell did you even get $100 worth of quarters? Dude 1: Hey, look, do you want it or not? Dude 2: What the fk ever man. Meet me in the xxx parking lot after 4th period. FYI I don’t remember the actual amount, but it was somewhere in the $50-$150 range.
Can’t remember it exactly word for word (this was overheard on my college campus - I’ve since graduated.“He took a shower. I have photographic evidence.”
In my Ceramics class a few weeks ago, a few kids were talking about what happens to a single child when the parents divorce. They mentioned splitting the child (like in half) and got the whole class’s attention right fast, teacher included.
Somebody was talking on the phone on my way back to the car from the grocery store “No I didn’t fg kl him, why would you f**g think that” Needless to say I probably broke a record for fastest car grocery loading ever.
A few guys talking about getting jobs when a girl at the same table chimes in.Girl: I’m just gonna get a job as a plumber, work it for like a week, get fired and collect unemployment. It’s what my dad does.[…]
I was walking to a friends house and I overheard these two dudes angrily bickering “I LOVE YOU YOU CT” “NO I LOVE YOU MORE” “YOU KNOW WHAT, FK YOU” “WELL EXCUSE ME FOR BEING-“sound of furniture being thrown insues.
After school I was sitting under a tree reading and these two little 3rd graders boys were chatting right next to me.. I didn’t register what they were talking about until I heard “watery poo” and “it went in my mouth!”. His friend then said “wow I wish that happened to me!”.. And I had to put my book down and stare at them, they looked so excited and I’m still confused about WHY poo in your mouth would excite them so much.
I used to drive Uber. I once picked up a guy and two girls from a house to drive to a restaurant. All of them were toasted. One girl appeared to be the guy’s (much much younger) girlfriend, the other girl was her friend. The girlfriend ask the other girl “Oh my god, you know what I’m really looking forward to?” The friend answered “The th*****e?” without missing a beat the girlfriend said “No the spring rolls they are SO good.” All I could do was laugh to myself.
Just last Friday I overheard an older couple quietly beginning to argue, but ultimately and absurdly agreed on heading down to the courthouse the following Monday to begin filing for divorce. Then the woman proceeded to say as they we’re splitting the bill, “Fourteen years. Fourteen years wasted on your dumb a**.”
In a hotel bar:Guy one says, “How do we sell more caskets?” Guy two responds, “Hope for a plane crash.”
Was chillin in my 1st floor apartment in Chicago, windows down, hear a girl softly sobbing while a man (ostensibly her boyfriend) shouts at her: “You’re a fg dentist, Ashley, ok? A fg dentist.” Can’t quite put my finger on why, but I’ll always love that one.
My girlfriend and I once overheard a guy say to his friends “I got pepper sprayed two nights in a row this weekend, so you know I was doing something right.”
3:25 pm Girl: Excuse me sir, what time is it. Old man: 8:50 Girl: Thank you Old Man: Dumb b***h…
Modal closeAdd New ImageModal closeAdd Your Photo To This ListPlease use high-res photos without watermarksOoops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB.Not your original work?Add sourcePublish
Modal close
Add New ImageModal closeAdd Your Photo To This ListPlease use high-res photos without watermarksOoops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB.Not your original work?Add sourcePublish
Modal closeAdd Your Photo To This ListPlease use high-res photos without watermarksOoops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB.Not your original work?Add sourcePublish
Add Your Photo To This ListPlease use high-res photos without watermarksOoops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB.
Add Your Photo To This List
Please use high-res photos without watermarks
Ooops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB.
Not your original work?Add source
Modal closeModal closeOoops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB.UploadUploadError occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again.TwitterRender conversationUse html versionGenerate not embedded versionAdd watermarkInstagramShow Image OnlyHide CaptionCropAdd watermarkFacebookShow Image OnlyAdd watermarkChangeSourceTitleUpdateAdd Image
Modal closeOoops! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB.UploadUploadError occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again.TwitterRender conversationUse html versionGenerate not embedded versionAdd watermarkInstagramShow Image OnlyHide CaptionCropAdd watermarkFacebookShow Image OnlyAdd watermarkChangeSourceTitleUpdateAdd Image
Upload
UploadError occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again.TwitterRender conversationUse html versionGenerate not embedded versionAdd watermarkInstagramShow Image OnlyHide CaptionCropAdd watermarkFacebookShow Image OnlyAdd watermark
Error occurred when generating embed. Please check link and try again.
TwitterRender conversationUse html versionGenerate not embedded versionAdd watermark
InstagramShow Image OnlyHide CaptionCropAdd watermark
FacebookShow Image OnlyAdd watermark
ChangeSourceTitle
Greta Jaruševičiūtė
Aurelija Rakauskaitė
Funny
