In 2021, a total of689,308divorces occurred across the 45 U.S. states that reported this statistic. Often, there’s more than just a single factor that leads to it. Couples may face many problems.But even so, people who dissolve their unions usually report there is one tipping point that causes them to make the big decision. In fact, 69% of divorcing couples noted this was the case.In these situations, infidelity was cited the most, with 24% of couples specifying it as the thing that pushed them over the edge. Domestic violence was the reason for 21% of them and 12% said substance abuse was the issue.Interested in how these numbers look in real life, one Reddit useraskeddivorced people on the platform to describe what was their final straw. Here are the most upvoted replies that they have received.This post may includeaffiliate links.
In 2021, a total of689,308divorces occurred across the 45 U.S. states that reported this statistic. Often, there’s more than just a single factor that leads to it. Couples may face many problems.
But even so, people who dissolve their unions usually report there is one tipping point that causes them to make the big decision. In fact, 69% of divorcing couples noted this was the case.
In these situations, infidelity was cited the most, with 24% of couples specifying it as the thing that pushed them over the edge. Domestic violence was the reason for 21% of them and 12% said substance abuse was the issue.
Interested in how these numbers look in real life, one Reddit useraskeddivorced people on the platform to describe what was their final straw. Here are the most upvoted replies that they have received.
This post may includeaffiliate links.
A cheese plate. I went over to my friend’s house to visit him after he’d had surgery and he had a cheese plate for us to snack on with some goat cheese. I said “Omg, I love goat cheese!” and my friend looked at me like I was crazy and said “I know? You mentioned it the other day so I got some.”I realized that my friend had listened to something I had said, noted it, remembered it, and gone out of his way to do something nice for me. After he’d had brain surgery, no less.My husband had never, ever put in anywhere near that much effort for me. He still didn’t even know what flavor ice cream I liked after ten years of marriage.So I left. And that friend and I are coming up on our first anniversary.
The day my two-year-old said ‘shut up, b**ch’ to me. I had endured ten years of abuse in my marriage, but hearing my innocent child repeat his father’s words was enough for me. I called a lawyer the next morning
He was so selfish for years and made excuse after excuse for it. But he always put me last. I was ready to leave him, but we made one last big push to make it work. We did a lot of things together that I had been wanting forever. One of them was getting SCUBA certified. On our first big dive (with a group) after certification, he jumped out of the boat while I was still getting ready. The dive leader screamed at him and shamed him for abandoning his dive partner. Warned him how unsafe it was for both of us, and just really laid into him. Finally I get into the water and we begin our descent. We get to 30’ down and I can’t get my ears to clear. I signal to him that I need a moment to get acclimated before going any deeper. He sees what’s happening but just takes off, leaving me behind. I went back up to the surface because now I’m basically just alone in the middle of the Caribbean and can’t catch up with the group. At some point the dive leader figures out what happened and lost his s**t on my husband. Refused to let him get back in the water because leaving your dive partner in a potentially life or death situation is apparently a no-no. Really made me wake up to the truth that he would never be there for me. Not ever. Not even for 2 minutes while I adjusted to the water depth. He would always choose his own selfish interests and leave me to figure it out on my own. Left when we got home.
When one friend privately tells you they are concerned for your health and safety, you dismiss them and adamantly defend your spouse.When five friends individually tell you they are scared for you, then you start to listen and to accept an uncomfortable truth.
He got his second DUI with our daughter in the car. I filed 3 days later. You can fk up your life and you can fk up my life but never hers.
Was married for 5 years. The last 2.5, he was physically abusive. I kept blaming myself, trying to be better… if only I didn’t do____ he wouldn’t do this. I’ll be better, and it will go away. The last night it happened, my 4 yo child tried to protect me, and he went after her. Something came over me, I saw red, I kicked his a*s, and filed for divorce the next morning. In retrospect, I should have filed the morning after he abused me, physically or otherwise the first time. And that is my advice to all others out there. Your abusive spouse will not change. Cut your losses and get out as soon as you can.
I was the problem in the marriage. We were young when we married and I wasn’t done being a careless partying person. Looking back, I was such an a*s. My partner didn’t deserve that at all.
Made a poor financial decision which almost led to us getting evicted. He did not tell me until he “figured it out”. However, he discussed the matter with people at work. He also had extreme anger issues, and drank a lot. The final straw was when my 7 y/o told me he no longer felt safe with him, and did not want to be nice to him because of how mean he was to me.
I finally realized that my kid was watching
He told me ‘it was time to get over’ my miscarriage the day of my follow-up appointment when my OB said the procedure was successful. AKA, four days later
After two DUIs, multiple relapses, and a separation we decided to work things out. I had to take my friend out of town to buy a car and told my husband I’d be home “around 6.”I was very excited to be early and surprise him. As I turned down our block at 5, I noticed his car coming down the block. Stopped one house early and tossed something in the dumpster.I waited momentarily till he pulled into the garage then drove up to the dumpster. It was a beer can he tossed. He was drinking and driving with our kids after all of that.Came in and immediately tossed him out.
After years of his alcoholism and constant belittling, the last straw was his confession that he had done something terrible to our daughter.
One night, after manifesting another argument, he threw his ring at me screaming for a divorce (for the second time), and left the house. That night, I got the BEST nights sleep I’d had in months. Called our marriage counselor and my therapist the next morning to get their take; both conversations were less than 5 minutes long and each said it was over. He was shocked when I served him papers 🤣🤷♀️
When I borrowed his tablet, I looked thru his messages and saw one where he asked his female friend to spend the night with him on a business trip. And that was just the tip of the iceberg with his cheating. I filed for divorce a few months later after getting all my ducks in a row.
To make a long story short, my ex became lazy. He lost a great paying job and quit it because someone was mean to him. He never helped around the house and decided to smoke pot, drink, and play video games while I was working a ton of overtime to help keep the house.My grandfather died, and I was unable to attend the funeral 1500 miles away because we didn’t even have enough money for rent. I began to resent him at this point.Eventually, he finds a job, and things are going better, but he’s still not pulling his weight, and he keeps spending any extra money on alcohol.My last straw was when we went out to a local bar where everyone knew me. I played pool for their bar team, so I was there at least once a week for 6 months out of the year.He was yelling at the bartender because he felt they would only help him when I was asking for drinks with him. I took him off to the side and told him not to speak to the girls that way, and he was out of line. When I tried to walk away, he grabbed my arms and threw me against the wall. I was able to free my right hand and punched him. I moved out the next day.
Our marriage was miserable for both of us. We’d been to many marriage counsellors over the past few years.During a counselling session the counsellor mentioned that some couples are just better off divorced. It was an off-hand comment not related to us specifically, but for me it was an epiphany. I realised on the way home that it was over. I left about 4 weeks later, and my only regret since is that I didn’t leave years earlier.
At our second round of marriage therapy; the therapist asked him “What nice thing can you do with your wife?” He replied “She can help me gap the spark plugs in the Durango and re-wire the boat trailer.” After 40 years of marriage; I decided right then and there that I still had some years left to live and I was going to live them…without him.
TW: blood, atv accidentNot a divorce but a break up nonetheless. One night, my friend and I got into a really bad 4 wheeler accident. Neither of us had helmets on (incredibly stupid, I know). Like bad enough that she knocked out a bunch of her teeth, and broke her cheekbone and jaw. I luckily walked away with a mild concussion and needed a couple stitches in my head. Right after the crash, as I was kneeling over my friend screaming her name trying to get her to wake up, with my own blood running down my face, I see my ex walk right past us and start assessing the damage to his 4 wheeler. Not a word to me asking if we were okay, barely even a glance. The next thing that happened was our other friends realizing what happened and rushing to us to help, my ex still fussing over his precious 4 wheeler. And then I see/hear my friends husband sprinting up the hill, screaming and in tears because he was so scared for his wife. Once she was awake and coherent, I went to go back to the house to get her some water. As I walked past my ex, he very halfheartedly goes “you good?” That’s when it really hit me that he probably wouldn’t p**s on me if I was on fire.
He stole from a subordinate at work and tried to get someone else arrested for it
Probably when she thought I was sleeping and she got her gun and tried to shoot me in the head. (I had removed the firing pin and I hear the whole thing).
My ex was so narcissist that he didn’t even notice when I was distressed.He had been at the football club all day, came home and dropped off his bag, so I could wash his clothes, then went back. I was crying when he arrived home to do that and he didn’t even bother to ask me why (had the tell-tail pains of a miscarriage).I bundled myself and my kids up and walked to the hospital a few blocks away once he was gone.He didn’t even notice when we came home the next day, he was still asleep on the couch after being drunk the night before.I made arrangements with my father to leave him while he slept it off.
Claiming to want to make it work but still having dating apps and refusing to wear a wedding ring
8 years of his slob ways. He wouldn’t shower but wanted sex. He was so lazy. After 8 years I couldn’t do it anymore. Now I’m with a man for 25 years who is very clean and smells so good!
When she cheated on me. I found out. We went to counseling. Meanwhile I’m trying to save our marriage and she is still seeing him.I called his wife at her job to let her know my wife and her husband were still carrying on.
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We were fighting constantly. During a a screaming match, she ran into the bathroom. I pulled the door open, she tried to kick me in the balls. I looked down, to my horror, my fist was cocked. I looked between her and my hand, uncurled my fingers, said “this needs to end now”, turned around and calmly walked out. Neither of our proudest moments but no one was hurt, and we had 100% clarity
The realisation that we had become ‘apartment buddies’ instead of life partners. It was like we were running a co-habitation business without the benefits. The romance had moved out, and we were left with joint custody of a fridge. Time to close that chapter and let the next tenant of love move in
We were together for the wrong reasons anyway (too young, trying to escape our lives, etc), and our marriage was very benign, boring, and emotionless for like 8 years until he started a new position at work that had him driving 10 hours a day and his work van only had AM radio. Suddenly, this boring dude that I married came alive with excitement over all the new things he was learning about the world on the Rush Limbaugh show, and couldn’t wait to bring all that bt into our lives. All of a sudden EVERYTHING was a fg problem/ conspiracy. When our son needed glasses, it was a “money-grabbing scheme” from the Optometrist. When I wanted to buy a really cool Andy Warhol themed shower curtain, he refused because he didn’t want any “gay st” in his house. He would call the music I listened to (Goth/Industrial/Post Punk) “f**g queer”….you get the picture. So after years of his crusty attitude, compounded with me developing an ED as a coping mechanism, I was at my breaking point. All it took was us being at a party one night and a mutual friend making an extremely light hearted-yet- kinda flirty comment, and my husband lost his st ON ME. It was like a switch flipped in my brain. I was ready to be homeless with 2 kids before I would continue with this m**********r. He ended up moving in with his Mom and drinking himself to death, and I ended up meeting the funniest, most amazing and attentive man I’ve ever met and we’ve been thriving together for 16 years!
Mum left my father when she caught him uploading a naked picture of himself to a p**nographic site. She said she watched him for a good 2 or 3 minutes before he noticed her.I can’t help but laugh any time I think about the absurdity of it.
I worked non-stop for years to support her ability to pursue her dreams. The financial strain of only my income supporting both our lives and her networking, etc. put a ton of stress on us, and neither of us handled it all that well. But we were moving toward a goal together, and as soon as she landed what she was working on, things would get better.When she finally landed her dream job, suddenly we were done. Her choice.It’s a lot more complicated than that, but that’s the emotional core of it for me. She did love me. I know that, but ultimately I’m still not sure if, way deep down, she loved me as a support structure for her goals or if I was a true part of her life plan that she abandoned when it became easier to let go than put in the work.
He would not stop drinking. And he is a very mean drunk. I refused to put my kids or myself through that any more. He’s still drinking and I’ve got the kids. I know I chose right- my kids are awesome!
Told me she was cheating and had the papers ready the literal second I got back home from burying my dad.
I didn’t like his girlfriends.
Finding out that she had resigned to never be happy in the marriage (her words) and that she did not want to go to therapy to try to improve the relationship. Because she said “it doesn’t matter“. Oh, and then all the subsequent passive aggressiveness, stonewalling, and silent treatment.I went and got therapy for myself and figured out what I wanted. Turned out I wanted to get the f**k out.
Not me but one of my best mates got divorced. They’d been obviously unhappy for a while so it wasn’t a complete surprise. I asked him exactly this question and he answered:“She was out with a couple of male coworkers. I began wondering if she was fg them. Then I realised that I didn’t even give a st if she was. That was when I knew….I felt absolutely nothing for her anymore, even the prospect of her f**g other guys didn’t hurt or upset me"I guess that’s different from most other stories here. There was no one Big Bang moment of abuse or threats or betrayal that stunned him into action. It was just a realisation that she no longer meant a thing to him.
Him leaving with the mistress behind my back while I visited my parents for the holidays. Got a message from the guy watching my cats that a moving truck was in front of my house. He was supposed to be on a military assignment in another state. Nope. F*****g the woman in the next town over.
He always found fault with anything I did, regardless of what I did or how I did it. As usual, this one night he went on a rampage again, screaming at me about something so insignificant that that light switch in my brain just went from ON to OFF. I never had a F**k Off Fund before, but at that specific time, my bonus that he had earmarked for another one of his projects, was still in my bank account, so I could bugger off. Best decision I ever made
Final straw was him being arrested for drunk driving and crashing into multiple parked vehicles.Definitely not the first time I’d had a call in the middle of the night from the police.There’s so much more to the story including infidelity and abuse.
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He’s always just said the craziest s**t and I always managed to explain it away.We had a family friend over, they were talking about the struggle of getting their master’s degree while they had two small kids and their pregnant wife was on bedrest due to a high risk pregnancy. About trying to do their research and write their thesis while caring for everyone in their house and teaching classes, sleep deprived, exhausted.My husband , father of my kids, said “I know what you mean. One time my gaming laptop broke and I had to send it for repair, they told me it would take a week but I didn’t get it back for more than 3 weeks.” :( :( :(The friend did a spit take and was left gasping for air he was laughing so hard.That is not the worst thing my husband ever said while I was married to him. It’s definitely not the worst thing he’s said since we divorced. But it was the moment I realized there was something fundamentally wrong with him that would never be fixed.
When we went to a couples’ therapist it was a session in all about why I was a bad partner/I was the problem and didn’t show enough affection. When I explained it was because after making sure our kids were fed and ready with homework, had meals and clothes situated for the next day, the dishes were done, the laundry was folded and put away for all five of us, the cats were fed, the dog was taken care, the grocery shopping was done/put away, and the wine was chilled enough for her I lacked energy.The following week she didn’t wish me a happy Father’s Day and didn’t get me a gift “from” my kids, so that night we decided to call it quits.
I stayed for way too long. We got married in college. When he couldn’t keep a job, I decided to focus on a career where I’d have decent income. When we had kids, they were mine too raise, not his. When he had an affair, I told him I’d give it six months to see whether we could work it out. He spent those six months trying to convince me to sleep with someone else and have an open marriage (nothing against open marriage - its just not for me).I finally realized that it wasn’t working. That was in 2009, and life is much better.
When my ex-husband slamed my face into the dining room chair.
He asked for DoorDash three days in a row. I said we don’t have any money left - everything that’s on my card is for bills that come out before I get paid next. We had food in the house - I would have even cooked for him if he’d asked.On the fourth day I left to do laundry at my parents house and almost immediately got a notification on my phone saying I spent money on doordash.The part that truly made me decide we were over is that while it hurt - I wasn’t surprised. It was a single instance in a pattern of behavior that I’d gotten used to.There are so many other details I could add - but in the end what really mattered was that it had made me realize I was used to him harming our family for his convenience.It hasn’t been very long since I kicked him out. It’s all still pretty fresh. But I’m glad I did it. And he’s given me no reason to look back.
Couldn’t get a job for a couple of months during covid. Finally managed to get a horrible one, but at least it was work. I come home a bit early from my FIRST night of work (I was working second shift), and my house is full of skeezy drunken people I have never met, my wife is literally passed out on the couch and my kids are hiding in their rooms. Their friend had walked the few miles home because the vibe was too weird at the ‘Party’. I found out the next day that my wife was cheating on me with a guy who managed to leave before I got home.My wife and I were mid-40’s at the time.
His parents were married for years and fought ALL THE TIME. I realized that was going to be my life and decided it was too short to be fighting/miserable. We got divorced and are both remarried. We weren’t good with each other and much happier now. Not a crazy straw but just what happened.
I grew up with parents who hated each other. My dad was dying and my mom refused to even visit him in hospice. I saw this and promised myself that I wouldn’t stay with my husband anymore. My councillor convinced me that I made the decision out of grief so I stayed. Three months later, after 18 years of his abuse and infidelity, he accused me of cheating with a friend who was like a brother to me.I was done.
He lost his job the week prior. That alone would have been fine. He instead pretended he hadn’t lost his job and listed himself on a hook up site: $30 anything you want, must be safe as I am married. (Thanks fuckface.) He thought he could do that (he had no takers surpriseee) and put money into our account at a post office to dupe me. I of course wouldn’t notice the odd amount of cash or the fact that it hadn’t come from his employer.Anyway, hope he is enjoying life. Wherever he may be.
There really was no single final straw. Alcohol was more important than me. Towards the end we would fight, make up, he would promise to change, and then the next day it was more of the same.
He’d already hit me and because I wasn’t pretending I was happy about that he did the one thing I was hoping he’d do; threatened a divorce a 3rd time because he was an abusive a***e. Left his as in the state we’d travelled to-no “acceptable level of unhappiness” for this bh.
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