But just because someone is family doesn’t mean you have to let them walk all over you or make unreasonable demands. In that case, feel free to call them out online! Below, you’ll find screenshots and photos featuringshockingly entitledbehavior from relatives. We hope this list doesn’t remind you of any of your own family members, pandas, and keep reading to find conversations with Rachel Garduce, LCSW fromModern Therapyand Al Hoberman, MT-BC, LCAT fromZencare!
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To learn more about what it’s like to deal with anentitledfamily member and where this behavior comes from, we reached out to a couple of experts on the topic. According toModern Therapy’s clinician Rachel Garduce, LCSW, “Entitled behavior often originates from upbringing, societal norms, and individual personality traits.”“If individuals are consistently favored or their needs were met without effort, they may develop a sense of entitlement. Factors like age, race, and socioeconomic status also shape how others treat them, influencing their entitlement levels and opportunities,” Rachel explained. “Additionally, entitlement can serve as a defense mechanism against insecurity, where individuals seek validation and control to compensate for their own internal doubts.”
To learn more about what it’s like to deal with anentitledfamily member and where this behavior comes from, we reached out to a couple of experts on the topic. According toModern Therapy’s clinician Rachel Garduce, LCSW, “Entitled behavior often originates from upbringing, societal norms, and individual personality traits.”
“If individuals are consistently favored or their needs were met without effort, they may develop a sense of entitlement. Factors like age, race, and socioeconomic status also shape how others treat them, influencing their entitlement levels and opportunities,” Rachel explained. “Additionally, entitlement can serve as a defense mechanism against insecurity, where individuals seek validation and control to compensate for their own internal doubts.”
We also got in touch withZencare, an online therapist directory and the simplest way to find your ideal therapist, andAl Hoberman, a New York-based Licensed Creative Arts Therapist and Board Certified Music Therapist, was kind enough to weigh in on the topic. Al noted that, “Entitlement can come across as overconfidence, but turned on its head, we can see it as an expression of some kind of need.”“Maybe it’s wanting to feel special, to be cared and provided for, or to know that you’ll be there for them,” the expert explained. “Wanting a lot is a sign that someone feels that they’re lacking a lot, whether they’re fully aware of it or not.”
We also got in touch withZencare, an online therapist directory and the simplest way to find your ideal therapist, andAl Hoberman, a New York-based Licensed Creative Arts Therapist and Board Certified Music Therapist, was kind enough to weigh in on the topic. Al noted that, “Entitlement can come across as overconfidence, but turned on its head, we can see it as an expression of some kind of need.”
“Maybe it’s wanting to feel special, to be cared and provided for, or to know that you’ll be there for them,” the expert explained. “Wanting a lot is a sign that someone feels that they’re lacking a lot, whether they’re fully aware of it or not.”
In the end, I just left because she had the keys to my house. I changed the locks the next day.
As far as whyentitlementis often directed towards family members, Rachel says it might be because of how a person grew up and what they learned from their family. “If their needs were always put first, they might expect the same in adulthood,” she explained.“Cultural norms also play a role. For instance, if a culture values certain family roles, individuals might feel entitled to specific treatment within their families based on those norms,” Rachel added. “These dynamics shape their expectations and perceptions of entitlement within family relationships.”
As far as whyentitlementis often directed towards family members, Rachel says it might be because of how a person grew up and what they learned from their family. “If their needs were always put first, they might expect the same in adulthood,” she explained.
“Cultural norms also play a role. For instance, if a culture values certain family roles, individuals might feel entitled to specific treatment within their families based on those norms,” Rachel added. “These dynamics shape their expectations and perceptions of entitlement within family relationships.”
My family decided to have a family reunion, and my entitled aunt drove up to me and my roommate’s front porch and just dropped my spoiled cousin off. He was there for a week as she wouldn’t drive back to get him. In the week that he was there, he threw fits and temper tantrums because we wouldn’t bend over backwards for his demands, and we ended up driving him back to his mother’s (my aunt) hotel room, and she ended up telling the family I punched her even though that’s further from the truth.
She says my fiancé is ugly, and she “can’t connect with her”. She only saw pictures and refused to meet her.
Al also noted that this entitlement can be a bid for connection. “Just like a young child who is all smiles at daycare and then comes home and has a meltdown, we tend to show our most difficult feelings around people we trust,” the therapist explained. “So if a family member is asking a lot of you, it may be an unconscious way of asking, ‘How much can I lean on you and have you still love me?’”“On the other hand, if someone has grown up in an environment where this kind of behavior was rewarded, or they observed it in others, it could be that this is just what feels normal to them,” Al added. “They might not even see it as special treatment, it’s just what they’re used to doing.”
Al also noted that this entitlement can be a bid for connection. “Just like a young child who is all smiles at daycare and then comes home and has a meltdown, we tend to show our most difficult feelings around people we trust,” the therapist explained. “So if a family member is asking a lot of you, it may be an unconscious way of asking, ‘How much can I lean on you and have you still love me?’”
“On the other hand, if someone has grown up in an environment where this kind of behavior was rewarded, or they observed it in others, it could be that this is just what feels normal to them,” Al added. “They might not even see it as special treatment, it’s just what they’re used to doing.”
My mom took a pic of me and my friends. I asked her not to post it, but this was her response.
If anyone out there is struggling with family members making you feel guilty for not meeting their demands, both experts recommend setting clear boundaries. “Assertively communicate your needs and limits while understanding and validating their feelings,” Rachel told Bored Panda.“Remember, you’re not obliged to fulfill every demand, especially if it harms you or compromises your own well-being. Seeking help from a therapist can guide you in managing family issues effectively. It’s crucial to prioritize your well-being and assert your boundaries in these situations,” she explained.
If anyone out there is struggling with family members making you feel guilty for not meeting their demands, both experts recommend setting clear boundaries. “Assertively communicate your needs and limits while understanding and validating their feelings,” Rachel told Bored Panda.
“Remember, you’re not obliged to fulfill every demand, especially if it harms you or compromises your own well-being. Seeking help from a therapist can guide you in managing family issues effectively. It’s crucial to prioritize your well-being and assert your boundaries in these situations,” she explained.
She always felt like she was entitled to see how my body was developing because she was my mother and “created” me. I had no privacy, and I still have problems years later from her barging in on me while I used to shower. I spent most of my childhood feeling deep shame and crying a lot. I didn’t realize this wasn’t a normal thing till a few years ago (I’m 31 now). Oh yeah, she’d be laughing the whole time, too. I still don’t understand what she got out of it.
“It’s a common misconception that setting boundaries is about getting the other person to do something you want,” Al says. “Actually, it’s about figuring out what your limits are, and deciding how you’re going to respond when they’re crossed. Then, importantly, you communicate that decision ahead of time.”“Say I have a parent who keeps giving me unsolicited parenting advice. My first step is to tell them it’s unwelcome, and ask them, firmly but kindly, to stop,” Al suggests. “Next, if they persist, I might say something like, ‘Listen, if you’re really not able to stop, I’m going to end our conversation. We can talk about something else another time.’”
“It’s a common misconception that setting boundaries is about getting the other person to do something you want,” Al says. “Actually, it’s about figuring out what your limits are, and deciding how you’re going to respond when they’re crossed. Then, importantly, you communicate that decision ahead of time.”
“Say I have a parent who keeps giving me unsolicited parenting advice. My first step is to tell them it’s unwelcome, and ask them, firmly but kindly, to stop,” Al suggests. “Next, if they persist, I might say something like, ‘Listen, if you’re really not able to stop, I’m going to end our conversation. We can talk about something else another time.’”
I left my husband in charge of our dogs while the kids and I visited my family. He chose to stay at his brother’s house and only let our dogs out once a day. Yesterday, he sent me this picture and proceeded to blame it on me.
My mother and father showed up outside my apartment without a notice and demanded I go eat dinner with them even though I’ve been living independently for six years. The last time I saw them, they made me cry in public, so I’ve been putting off seeing them.
“Of course, chances are, the person you set boundaries with is going to be upset at first,” Al notes. “That’s where the guilt comes in. No one wants to feel like they’re letting down someone they love, but tuning in to this caring can help you express yourself compassionately without compromising your own needs.”
“Setting boundaries is a good way to handle conflict, but it doesn’t avoid it altogether,” Al added. “It can be an emotionally taxing process, and especially if you’re naturally conflict-averse, it’s important to have a support system in place as you go through it. This could mean speaking with friends, a partner, or a therapist, but should also include keeping in mind that you’re in a vulnerable place and treating yourself with care.”
“Entitlement is a complex issue and shows up in different ways and situations. Dealing with it means understanding yourself, setting boundaries, and talking openly with others,” Rachel shared. “It’s also helpful to figure out why you feel entitled or why those around you feel entitled, as it expands your self-awareness or your understanding of others. It can enhance your relationships with people. By working on these things, you can handle entitlement in a positive way and improve your connections with others.”
My aunt showed up to my family’s New Year’s feast at my parent’s house completely uninvited. She has purposely not been invited the past few years because of some particular nasty or toxic behavior she’s shown at New Year’s feasts in the past.Our relationship hasn’t been great for a while since she has become a lot more angry and intense over the past few years as compared to the fun-loving aunt I grew up knowing.It’s also not like she can’t afford a hotel room for the night since she and her husband are incredibly well-off financially.
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We both live at my grandma’s house. I work nights (7 PM - 3:30 AM), and she works days. I told her I could be free after 2 PM to help our grandma with my niece if needed. I made plans for a weekend a week in advance, and she texted me at almost 2 AM to tell me she worked at 10 AM and needed me to watch my niece. I told her I wasn’t going to be home because I had plans that weekend. This was her response. I chose not to engage because, in the past, engaging when she was like this just led to telling me what a horrible person I am.
I haven’t used Facebook in a very long time, and I don’t even have the app on my phone anymore. We texted each other this morning. She wished me a happy Mother’s Day, and I did the same. 8 hours later, she sent me this.
My sister is homeless and an addict. She used someone’s phone to message us, and I told her we love her, want to get her a phone, find her a nice rehab, and get an apartment afterward.
My mother has become increasingly greedy about gifts since I started making money. But I asked her for a vacuum cleaner for Christmas, and she told me I was crazy for asking for such an expensive gift. To be fair she did get me one, but she made a big deal about me asking for it. I feel like she always finds the most expensive thing she can and asks me for it.
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