We’ve all probably had abrain fartor two in our lives. A momentary lapse where we said something that made us think later: “Wait, that was really dumb…” In the moment, these utterances can feel like the most awkward thing that has ever happened to you. Later, you can probably laugh about it with friends in good humor.
But are all dumb things we say brain farts? Maybe sometimes people really are so oblivious and ignorant that the funniest things come out of their mouths. In this Quora thread, whenone person asked, “What are some dumb questions you have been asked?”, folks shared the silliest thingsthey ever heard people say.
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Once, at my shop, I stood with my register open, counting a fistful of 50-dollar notes in my hand, when a woman came up and asked me if I worked there. I looked at her, then at the money, then at the open cash drawer, and said, ‘Nah, mate. I’m just robbing the till.’
I was working in the emergency department when I received this call from a frantic mother: ‘My toddler just drank out of the dog’s water bowl! What should I do?’ I told her: ‘Give the dog some more water.’
On arrival at a new schoolGirl - So, where are you from?Me - NigeriaGirl - Where’s that?Me - It’s a country in AfricaGirl - No, Africa is a countryMe - I’m sure it’s a continentGirl - No, Nigeria must be a town in AfricaAnother girl - He must be confused
A true story from a forgotten backwater of Donegal:“Hey, Graeme, are you coming to church on Sunday?““No, I’m an atheist.““It’s ok. Being a Protestant doesn’t matter. We’re very welcoming.““I’m not a Protestant, I’m an atheist.““Are you Jewish?““No, I’m not Jewish, I’m an atheist.““What do you mean?““An atheist is someone who doesn’t believe in gods.““No it isn’t.““It kinda is.““No you’re wrong there, you can be an atheist and believe in God.“Me: stunned silence.
One of my aunts asked about what I do, so I told her that after completing my electronics engineering degree, I started working in a chip-designing company. After a pause, she asked: ‘What are your most popular flavors? Are the chips as good as Lay’s?’
My sister was adopted from Korea. She was only about 10 weeks old — an almost newborn infant — when she came home to us. Several people asked me at the time, ‘So does she speak Korean?’ or ‘Does she have an accent?’
How come chicken breasts don’t have nipples?
When I worked at Disney world one summer I was asked this question at least 10 times every day:“when is the 6 pm parade” I learned to smile and politely say,“6pm”
I got onto an elevator on the fifth floor, which already had people who had boarded on the sixth floor. I pressed the button for the third floor and observed that the button for the second floor was also pressed. As soon as the third floor came and I started to get out, a girl piped up, ‘Why, that’s so unfair. I got into the elevator before her! Shouldn’t I be dropped off first?’
What is the correct spelling… Iran or Iraq?
As an Australian traveling overseas, I’ve been asked: ‘Do you carry a stick everywhere you go to fight off the snakes?’ ‘Oh, you’re from Australia? Do you know my niece in New Zealand?’ and ‘How many miles is it from where you live to Sydney? No, not miles, liters. How many liters is it?‘And when someone I met in a foreign country found out I was Australian, she said, ‘Why don’t you sound like Hulk Hogan?’ I didn’t know how to react to this because I had no idea why she would think I would sound like The Hulkster. I was wracking my brain trying to work out what had connected me to the former World Heavyweight champion. Finally, I said, ‘Why do you think I should sound like Hulk Hogan?’ She said, ‘Because he’s such a famous Aussie.’ We then had a brief argument about the nationality of Hulk Hogan. You may have already made the connection, but it took me ages to realize she was talking about Paul Hogan, aka Crocodile Dundee
Girl: OMG, are you a muslim?Me: YesGirl: that’s cool, can you say something in muslim?
Getting into the elevator on the 6th floor of a 6 floor building….Them: “Going down?“Me: “No, I plan to shoot right out of the roof! Wanna join me?“We both had a good laugh and it was said with a smile.
A teacher, soon after I arrived in the US: ‘How long have you been here?’ Me: ‘A week.’ Teacher: ‘How did you learn English so fast?!’
Can you get infected from the virus on your computer?
When I was a waitress at Buffalo Wild Wings, a woman once asked, ‘What part of the buffalo do the Buffalo wings come from?’
After telling a friend I am a psychology major, she said, ‘Great. Can you tell me what I’m thinking right now?’
Answering a call at my home:Me: Hello?Friend: Hey dude, where are you?Me: At pizza hut, I took the landline with me….
Shopkeeper: ‘I will get you a 30% discount on this.’ My friend: ‘If I buy two, I will get it at 60% off, right?’
My friend, upon seeing a Jaguar car: ‘So now PUMA has started manufacturing cars, too?’
While visiting Vietnam:“Look, that’s the moon. Do you have it back in France?”
I wasn’t asked this but, I overheard this in a bus, in Vancouver.Guy - I’ve been to India, twice!Girl - That’s so cool. Where?Guy - Tibet and Nepal.
When I told a girl that I have a twin, she asked, ‘So, do you, like, have the same birthday?’
Do you have planes in your country? Nope I rowed from half way across the world.
A lady in Japan: “Do Indians have a shower in their houses or do you bathe in the Ganges everyday?”
As I’m Greek, I’ve been asked, ‘So…do you believe in Greek gods like Zeus and stuff?’
I had a student email me to ask how to convert years into centuries
This friend of mine said, ‘I don’t think I’d understand Fantastic 4. I haven’t seen Fantastic 1, 2, and 3.’
I come from the southern hemisphere, so it is Summer in December.I told this to my friend in the US, and he immediately asked, “Wow, so you guys celebrate Christmas in June”?
Q: People in Asian countries are so damn skinny and there are so many obese people in America, so why doesn’t the Earth tilt towards the west because of all the extra weight in the west?A: Silence.
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Idiot: Your name is “Roses?” Like the flowers?Me: No, as in “Guns n’.”
Being a Brit, while working in a Theme park in Ohio one summer:Asked genuinely…- Do you have traffic lights?- Where in the London is the eiffel tower?- My aunt is called XXXX XXXXX, Do you know her?- Do we celebrate Christmas.- Is England near Europe?- Is it true that doctors decide if you live or die?- Do you have McDonalds ( I then said yes, and they looked wonderfully relieved)- Do you have Freeways?Was never sure if these were jokes, but to be honest I don’t think they were.- Do you have electricity?- Do you know the Queen?
‘So will the website you build for us work on Internet explorer and Godzilla both?’
From my ex (we were quite young back then) referring to my you-know-what: ‘So where does the bone go afterward?’
My friend after watching Batman Begins…” Dude, who is this Gotham they keep talking about all the time ? "
After a party, I was giving a friend of mine a ride home. He is not a dumb guy, but we were both pretty tired as it was late, and possibly still a little impaired too.We were stopped at a red light and he looked around and asked, “Is this where we are now?”
Idiot : So what do you want to do later in life?Me : I want to be a mathematician.Idiot : Mathematician? Didn’t they exist only in ancient times?
I wasn’t asked this directly, but a former Indian co-worker of mine was asked while visiting Texas: “Are there cars in India?” That one really stuck with me.But the Texan was equally dumbfounded when my co-worker didn’t recognize the name of the Dallas Cowboys’ head coach.
Why don’t all Africans have the same name, you know, like Chinese people?
“Are you sleeping?”
“Do women stop peeing when they’re pregnant?”
This one, I have to admit, I’m guilty of asking a coworker a few years ago: ‘What date is Cinco de Mayo?’
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I have fraternal twins (a boy and a girl, with separate placentas), and someone asked if they were identical. Errrrrrr, no
Are there toilets in Pakistan?For real. No kidding.
What’s the phone number to 911?
“Do you have Samsung iPod ?”
I am an Indian and work at McAfee-Antivirus, Encryption, Firewall, Email Security, Web Security, Risk & Compliance.Once I was travelling in the metro in Delhi (yellow line which was going towards North Campus (DU)). A young guy (possibly a DU student) asked me where I work, and I said that I work at McAfee in Bangalore.He said, “Yeah, yeah, I tried that new flavor of cold coffee at McDonald’s recently. But if you had to work in McDonald’s, why did you go to Bangalore? You could have worked here in Delhi only.“That moment I just felt like jumping on the metro track and dying!
Random Aunt (at a family function):So, you’re an engineer, which college did you attend?Me: Bits pilaniRandom Aunt: (Where is it)?Me: GoaRandom Aunt (With pity in her voice):Oh, poor boy, you didnt get seat in your hometown?Me: (Dumbfounded) : NORandom Aunt: So where are you working?Me: Started my own companyRandom aunt (with even more pity): ayyo! you didnt get a job? keep trying,Random aunt, rubs my hair and walks off.
A random guy I met: Where do you work?Me: At Yahoo!A random guy I met: Can you help me access my girlfriend’s email?
While in school, where 12th grade is considered very important:-People in general : Which class are you in?Me : 11thPeople in general : Oh! So next year your going to be in 12th??Me: No I’m gonna plead the principal to let me go back to class 10 :D
I was asked: ‘Is this the end of the line?’ I answered: ‘No, it’s the front. We’re all standing backward
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