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My cousin is one of those parents who seems to think a name should have as many unnecessary letters stuffed into it as possible. She named her first child Jhaydynn because apparently ‘Jaden’ wasn’t enough letters. Then she named her second child ‘Chelleseigh.’ That’s already absolutely terrible, but the worst part is that she pronounces it ‘Kelsey.’ We all tried to tell her that everyone would assume it was pronounced ‘Chelsea’ but she insisted that since Christina is pronounced with a ‘k’ sound, Chelleseigh can be too. Needless to say, everyone who saw the name written down pronounced it ‘Chelsea’ and when she started school, she eventually stopped correcting people and just let them call her that. When she turned 18, she had her name legally changed to Chelsea because that’s what everyone called her anyway, and she wanted a normally spelled name.
“I PROMISE, I AM NOT FABRICATING THIS ANSWER… My cousin was at a general check-up at her pediatrician’s office — she was 17 and was waiting her turn to be called back. A nurse with a clipboard stepped into the waiting room and, with a VERY guilty look on her face, said, ‘I’m sorry. Is there a Sh*t Head?’ Everyone sat up and looked around, shocked. A rather disgruntled mom stood up with her newborn in her arms and said, in an annoyed and condescending tone, ‘It’s Sh-thed.’ My cousin later asked and was told it was spelled S-H-I-T-H-E-D.
I once met a woman who had a very cute little girl in a stroller. I complimented the woman on such a pretty child and asked for her name. Mother: “Her name is See-ann.”Me: “What an interesting name. How do you spell that?”Mother: replied, “ S E A N”Me: “Isn’t that Sean?”Mother: “AUUUUGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!! Why do people keep saying that!? So many ignorant people in this world!!!!!!” And she storms off in a huff.
‘Tequila.’ ‘C*caine.’ Both are actual names. My friend’s sister was a neonatal nurse. They weren’t supposed to criticize whatever name parents had chosen. One mom wanted to name her daughter ‘Chlamydia.’ She had no idea what it was. She just thought it was pretty. My friend’s sister felt obligated to tell the new mom what it meant. The new mom had no idea what it meant. She just thought it was pretty. She thanked the nurse for letting her know what it meant.
As a teacher, I regularly see names that make me cringe, though not necessarily ready to commit violence. I once had a girl named Bo-peep. Her sister Bambi was in my class the following year. I also had a girl whose first name was Rice — and her middle name was Aroni. Yes, like the ‘San Francisco treat!’ Another young lady was named Summer, which sounded great — until I saw her middle name was Eve. Yep, like the disposable feminine hygiene products. One girl was named Marriott — born nine months to the day after her parents' wedding because ‘that’s where she was made’ (a direct quote from her dad).
My friends named one of their kids ‘Nissan Sentra’ (wish I was joking here) and, for their youngest, they couldn’t come up with a name that they both agreed on. They finally settled on (wait for it) ‘TEMPO ARIE’ pronounced ‘Temporary.’ The hope was the child would be able to choose her own name when she was old enough (hence the name “Temporary'). That was 18 years ago, and she’s changed her name to something far more conventional.
I used to be a school bus driver. One day, doing an unfamiliar route, I stopped at my next kid’s house to pick them up for school. I did a double-take at the girl’s name on my clipboard. Her first name read: BikiniWanna! I’m like, ‘Who on earth would name their child that?!’
There was a high school girl working at my local grocery store. I did a double-take at her name tag but decided to give it a shot. I said it as it was spelled: ‘Thank you Serria.’ She said, ‘Why does everyone call me that? My name is Sierra, just spelled differently.’ Honestly, if you are going for a different spelling, what’s wrong with Ciara or Cierra? Why would her parents do this to her? I think she is going to be annoyed for the rest of her life.
If you are a mother who just gave birth to twins, would you fall off the bed knowing that your husband wants to name your twins: CORONA and COVID ?…Some mother may put her foot down, “Over my dead body.” While others may be ecstatic and jubilant. Yes, I am talking about the latter. An Indian couple in India’s central state of Chhattisgarh has named their newborn twins Corona and Covid amid the coronavirus pandemic. The twins, a boy and a girl, were born at a government hospital in the state capital Raipur on March 27, two days after the lockdown came into force disrupting daily lives… In the interview:- The parents who insist they are hoping to ‘ease the anxiety and fear associated with these words’… Can you beat that?
I have spent years in government work, as a probation and parole officer, as a DSS investigator, and as an educator. The names I have seen are: ‘Female’ (pronounced Fe-maul-e). ‘Debris.’ Yes, like trash. Twins named ‘Ccaine’ and ‘Mrijuana.’ (Feel free to look them up in the South Carolina Department of Corrections. This may come as a shock, but they were convicted on drug charges). Twins ‘Orangejello’ and ‘Lemonjello’ (pronounced Or-ang-elo and Lem-on-jelo). ‘UrMajesty,’ ‘UrHighnessV*gina (pronounced Fa-gi-nuh),’ Abcde (pronounced Ab-suh-day).
People ask me ALL the time where I got my name. I was born in North Central Germany. My name, Silke is pronounced more like Zilkeh. When I was born, my parents were planning to emigrate and wanted me to have a name that reflected my heritage instead of one that blends. When I was in grade school and high school,, some tried to pronounce it correctly. Others turned it into a joke. When I reached university, one professor, teaching a class of three hundred gave it the old college try. It came out as Silky. And that stuck. By that time, I could take it with better humour and have lived with it since. It did get a bit funnier when I got married and had my family name changed to Force. Most of the jokes quickly got old after that. No, I have never danced on tables, or performed as a stripper. Yes, the Force is with you. No, I’d rather not be called Cotton, and I would so much prefer not to be Felt. I am not related to the Selkies of the British Isles, and therefore am not entitled to drown my lovers in the morning. Though I can always make an exception. But there was one team that came up with the absolute best reaction. The CBC crew of a lovely interviewer had a silent bet going that Silkie Force was a pseudonym because I was calling in a freelance report from a Middle Eastern country. They thought it would be a fabulous name for a James Bond bad girl. My parents meant no ill when they gave me a non-Canadian but traditional name. My parents deserve respect for doing the best they could. They didn’t know that it would lead to mockery. I am not so sure that I can respect the parents of Sterling Silver, Jack Pine, Mike Hunt or Gayle Force, simply because they’re setting their children up for a lifetime of being teased
My friend recently gave birth and heard from the nurses that someone gave birth to twins who they named ‘Sausage’ and ‘Peanut’ 💀💀💀.
A lady in my hometown gave birth to a little girl and named her: F E M A L E. Pronounced ‘Femahly.’
Any extremely unconventional name that attempts to force an unwitting child to endure humiliation to make their parents feel creative. Fun fact: no amount of misplaced creativity will make little Apple or LaTreena or Cloud or Kal-El someone cool or smart or respectable one day. That will take the thing you won’t do: amazing parenting.
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I knew someone else who named their child Danica, which I liked, but called them Dinky. When I asked why they called her Dinky, I was told they thought she was going to be a boy, but when they saw the ultra sound they said if she had a p*nis it was dinky, and it stuck so they found a name they could make “Dinky a nickname for. I considered naming my daughter Danica when I was pregnant, but as we had already chosen to give her a family name in the middle and it would have made her initials DAM, we chose not to. Gag names are what I tell children are a funny once. They can be cute at first, but get old fast. Christopher, Red, Blu, Dooble, Holly and Bo should be off the table if your last name is Cross. No Theodore, Karen, Griz, Honey, Dawn, or Grinan, (yes, I met her), if your last name Bear. No Liberty, Clara, Catherine, Kathleen or any other name that can be turned into “Cat”, if your name is Bell. No Sage, Leaf, Sea, Forrest, or Lincoln if you are a Green. You may think it is a witty play on words, but it will stop being funny before they are out of grade school. By the time they are adults, they will most likely hate it. But the worst one was when someone proudly told me, (in the early 1990s), that she was naming her son Sauron, because her ex-boyfriend said that was the name of the hero in the Lord of the Rings books. I told her to read the books before she gave birth, because Sauron is NOT the hero.
I once went to school with a kid named ‘Suburban’ and his brothers were named ‘Service,’ ‘Sation,’ and ‘Shulasses’ (pronounced Shoelaces). One of my client’s also told me that she knew a child named ‘Pain.’ Please, parents, choose better. I can’t stand the kid possibly paying so much to change their name because of something dumb the parents chose. Smh.
Me an my mum ran into a girl, around 6 years old. She said, my name is a-b-c-d-e! My mum laughed and told her good job on the alphabet. The parents, one of which was defiantly drunk, said that’s her name. Abcde. I could help but turn around to hide my laughter. Poor girl. This was last year oh, and Kristen, only spelled Kris-10. Like at least spell it. I like the name, if you don’t spell it like that. Also, those kinds of names makes the programming system in my dads company not work for that client, so it makes life complicated. And, I have to assume, we kids aren’t the nicest, so there’s that.
My grandmother’s mother’s name was Rhoda so my grandmother named her fourth child after her mother. She did not stop to consider how it would pair with our last name. Our last name is ‘Rockett.’ So her named was ‘Rhoda Rockett.’ Just effin' mean, man.
Moe Lester. I have literally nothing to say. How careless were his parents!? 2. Airwrecka Mcbride. Was her name supposed to be a “cool” variant of Erica? Because it’s not cool. At all. Also it sounds an “airplane wreck,” which is never cool, you know. It reminds me of 9/11. 3. Jesus Condom. Think about the shame this kid must have went through in his life. I get it, the “Condom” part was his surname. But any normal parent must have surely changed his surname! 4. Ben Dover. I don’t know. Does this sound somewhat inappropriate? I could see his parents being exempt from my list, but I don’t know. I really don’t know…. These pictures were all from the internet. Which means, they could be fake. But in this huge world of seven billion people, there must surely be some parents who intentionally or unintentionally name their children inappropriate names. Even if they were unintentional, this shows that they take their duties to raise their children not very seriously. They were either too careless to think about their children’s names, or they intentionally named their kids a joke.
I had a classmate in school called Wayne, surname Kerr, making him a ‘Wayne Kerr.’ Then, I had another mate called ‘Paul Meacock’ but, as he said, it could have been worse, he could have been Russian and named Paul Meacockov!!
I didn’t lose respect for my parents over this, but I was rather frustrated about it.When I started school, first day of first grade, my mom took me to my classroom and introduced herself to my teacher. While they were talking, my teacher asked me to find my desk. She had written all the students names on a card taped to their desk. I assume it was to see which children knew how to spell their names. I knew how to spell my name, “Jan”, but after looking for but not finding my name, I went to her and said I couldn’t find my desk. She concluded that I didn’t know how to spell my name, so she took me to my desk. The card taped to my desk said “Janice”. My parents had named me Janice Ann, but I was always called Jan. I told her that wasn’t my name. She was a wonderful, understanding teacher and she changed my card to read “Jan”. It was also frustrating when my school mates asked me what my middle name was. When I answered “Ann”, I was teased because Jan Ann sounds funny together. I would have to go through the whole explanation that my real first name is Janice and Jan is my nickname. I wish my parents had either called me Janice or had given me just the name Jan, with a different middle name of course.
Ok, not loss of respect, but maybe lack of wisdom A long time ago (1996), in a place far away (Los Angeles), Alex, a buddy of mine, a really righteous man was debating names for his soon-to-be-born son. His favorite literary character also a righteous man. Atticus Finch from Harper Lee’s To Kl a Mockingbird Yes, that Atticus Finch. For those of you who didn’t pay attention in school, To Kl A Mockingbird is a work of fiction about Tom Robinson, a black man who has been falsely accused of raping a young white woman. Atticus Finch is the attorney appointed to defend Robinson and he and his family pay a heavy price. Alex wanted to name his son Atticus after Atticus Finch. I get it. It’s not uncommon to name your kid after someone who you respect. After Obama was elected, The name “Malia” moved up 153 spots to No. 192 as popular daughter’s names. Maliyah? More Americans are Naming their Daughters After Malia and Sasha Obama . Or think of all the Marias, Jesus’ and Jose’s in Latino culture. But, you have to be careful about naming your kid something very unusual. Children are cruel. I told him, look, let’s be real. You’re 5′7″ and skinny, your son not likely to be a big guy. Do you really want to give him a name that’s gonna get him into fights? Addendum Here’s one that made me lose respect for a complete stranger A couple in the Indian state of Chhattisgarh have named their newborn twins Corona and Covid.
Taking foreign names and butchering them because “they’re too hard to spell or say”. Yeah, it’s not English or Latin based, so it does not look familiar, if you don’t like that it is foreign, then why choose it? Aidan is not aydynn, Síobhan is not Shivaughn (wtf is that) and I will laugh in your face if your “source” is an American website with no actual credit to it when the name is Irish, check Irish websites, Gaeilge (not Gaelic) is our language, so we sort of do know what we’re talking about. Don’t take a name from elsewhere and butcher it, just don’t, and don’t give Irish surnames to your kid without checking their meaning first. Kennedy actually means “The chieftain’s helmet”, does that sound like a name for your daughter? Really? Dylan is Welsh and means “son of the sea”, Brannagh is Irish and means “Welshman”. By their very definitions, they’re not female. Cailin is pronounced “Cah-leen”, not Kay-lynn so don’t get annoyed if Irish people call you the former, thankfully, that is a feminine word and means “Girl” in Gaeilge. If you want to call your daughter these names, no one can stop you, but I will not understand why you would and if you are going to do it, learn the meaning, for the love of whatever you believe in, learn it.
Giving girls names traditionally associated with boys. Obviously I’m a recipient of same. I like that my name sounds good with my maiden name. Beyond that, it’s been a huhYOOGE pain in any number of ways. Then there are the bo cutesy versions: Charlie, Charlie, Charli, Charlee Tommi, Tomi Bobbi, Bobbie, Billie - these are not recent vintage. I know a Bobbie who’s over 60, and new someone whose grandmother was named Billie. Or Billy. Michael. Really I also can’t stand it when people give their kids names that are more commonly seen as surnames. I’ve met people whose first names were Page, Sloan, Watson, Walker, Sutherland, and Cunningham. And the currently popular Madison. Or Madysyn. (Yes, I’ve actually seen this). I guess they think it makes their kids sound ‘classy,’ in a Masterpiece Theatre-ey kind of way. Oddly, you never see a kid whose first name is Kowalewski or Weinstein, or Alafouzos or Schimmelschmidt. Then there…
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