There are things you just don’t ask over dinner. But online? Anything goes.Women of Reddittook full advantage of this, dropping the spiciest, most awkward, and boldly honest questions they’d been dying to ask men. And with no names attached, they got unfiltered answers from those ready to spill the truth.Check out some of the most eye-opening ones below, and don’t miss our conversation with love and relationship coachJessica Elizabeth Operton how women can build confidence in their dating lives.This post may includeaffiliate links.
There are things you just don’t ask over dinner. But online? Anything goes.
Women of Reddittook full advantage of this, dropping the spiciest, most awkward, and boldly honest questions they’d been dying to ask men. And with no names attached, they got unfiltered answers from those ready to spill the truth.
Check out some of the most eye-opening ones below, and don’t miss our conversation with love and relationship coachJessica Elizabeth Operton how women can build confidence in their dating lives.
This post may includeaffiliate links.
I know it’s the trend to have big lips, but do you think thin lips are attractive. Thoughts on lips with filler vs naturally thin lips.Raspberries2:I think big lips from injections look deformed.[deleted]:Natural is ALWAYS best. Nails. Eyelashes. Bewbs. Everything.NinjaDi**khead:Thin or big lips are both good. I prefer thin lips rather than unnatural big lips (they just move weird, and it’s very noticeable despite what your surgeon told you).
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If the girl makes the first move, does it turns you off or not?actuallyanicehuman:Having a girl who owns her power is hot. Definitely sexy.VersedFlame:If a girl made a first move on me I’d probably be stunned for the entirety of that day and only thinking about her.
If married , do you find it easy to stay faithful? If single, would you give up multiple partners for one woman forever?Fencius:Married ten years next July. It’s not hard to stay faithful, and if anything it’s gotten easier over time. My life with my wife is too important to s***w around with.IJourden:Married, and it’s easy to stay faithful.If someone is struggling with it there could be a lot of reasons:the relationship is in bad shape/lacks intimacy and validationa pathological problem, like low self esteem, narcissism, self destructive, compulsive or risk taking behavior.not valuing the relationship or trying to wreck itnot being in the right kind of relationship dynamic, such as being monogamous when they would prefer polyamoryBut yeah… If you’re honest with yourself, honest with your partner, and in a healthy relationship with good communication, being faithful to the dynamics of the relationship is not difficult.
Women today have more freedom indatingthan ever before. That doesn’t mean the challenges or lingering biases have disappeared, but if they choose to openly pursue someone, they’re unlikely to draw shocked stares. Still, research shows that just because they can, doesn’t mean they do.
If men are so enthusiastic, why aren’t more women stepping up? Love and relationship coach Jessica Elizabeth Opert shared her thoughts with BoredPanda:
“Both men and women in today’s dating scene are experiencing lower levels of resilience to rejection,” she explained. “Dating is seen as a high-stakes, risky business, and of course, heartbreak is a terrible experience. However, we have become so focused on that possibly distressing eventual outcome that even the first message on a dating app is treated with the same caution.”
Does a girl burping, farting, snorting etc really not bother you? A lot of guys say they don’t but I know some who do.Omg_a_wee_todd:Nope, I’ve been with my G/F for 2 years now and every morning we cut an air biscuit and fist bump the other person. However… We have a mutual understanding no heads will be forced under the covers… She doesn’t have my Reddit account so I can say this, I cannot wait to propose in March!Update!: There were a few things that came up (hence the wait), but she said yes! Also, I should clarify it’s most mornings we both fart, at least one of us, but not always both. Hope y’all find the same happiness I have.TheeFryingDutchman:Nope. It’s a sign that you are comfortable enough around me. So I always love it when a girl just let’s it fly.
Do you have an urge to moan during sexual activity and hold it back due to some societal bs (or some other reason) or do you just not get that urge as much as women? Stereotyping vs legitimate differencesEdit: the Vibe I’m getting from this is there’s no one answer to this and every man is different. Well no duh. That’s a great discovery.But now I’m wondering how many women do it out of urge vs for the benefit of their partner. Sensing a theme here.MrDownhillRacer:I don’t get the urge to moan at all. I pretty much have to remind myself to make sounds because I’ve read all that “women like it when you make sounds” stuff. I don’t know how believable I’m being.Wagemage314:I was silent for many years. Wife said she wanted feedback. Turns out, Primal Growls are what I was suppressing. Deep and guttural. Bear like. She likes.
I’m very self conscious of being naked with a guy for the first time, I have a very large scar in one of my breasts from when I had a lump removed like two years ago. Do guys care about that sort of thing? I am trying to make the scar look nicer but it’s hard to make it go away completely and I’m worried that it might turn some guys off, especially considering I really like having my b**bs played with or like sucked on. Sorry if TMI 😭.NinjasVenom:I don’t. Scars tell someone’s story and how they are there and if you are scared of showing people the scar and you showed me the scar while being naked I’d feel honored that you trusted me that much with your body.M-F-W:I dated a woman with breast reduction surgery who was really self-conscious about the scars. They weren’t particularly noticeable but could definitely tell when I was uhhh all up in her business, so to speak.I did appreciate her letting me know that she was self conscious and she appreciated me being gentle in return. By the end of our relationship, I’d kiss the scars as foreplay and stuff (that was over the course of a couple years and was very much consensual, I wouldn’t just jump straight to scar-play lol).TLDR: You’re good. We’re all self-conscious about something. You can tell your partner you’re self conscious ahead of time and their response will actually tell you plenty. Someone one who isn’t mindful/respectful of that isn’t worth your time, in bed or in romance.
Feelings of rejection or even shame, especially for women, can persist through many stages of arelationship—particularly when intimacy comes into play. As a result, they may hold back from expressing their true feelings, avoid voicing concerns, or hesitate to communicate when sex isn’t enjoyable.
Studies show that anywhere from 15.2% to 50.4% of womenaren’t satisfied with their sex lives. Only 36%have never faked an orgasm, and sexual dissatisfaction is cited as a factor in50% of divorces. In fact, women consistently report lower sexual satisfaction compared to men.
So it’s no surprise that for many women, the safest place to ask men honest and unfiltered questions—without fear of judgment—is anonymously online.However, avoiding difficult conversations doesn’t preventheartbreak; it only postpones it. If we never speak up about what bothers us or share what we truly want, we end up settling for less.And if someone rejects us, that’s not a failure—it’s just proof they weren’t the right person. After all, why invest time in someone who doesn’t care about our pleasure, interests, or needs?“My entire coaching ethos is about empowering women to be in the driver’s seat of their romantic lives,” said Opert. With her clients, she helps them recognize that they are just as worthy of choosing as they are of being chosen. “If we have the mindset of ‘What will they like about me?’ instead of ‘What do I actually like about this person I’m on a date with?’ it places women in a powerless position.”But youdohave power. Taking control of your love life starts with how you see yourself. So next time you go on a date, try changing your perspective—focus on what you want. And if you’re struggling, consider talking to a professional. Just don’t sell yourself short.
So it’s no surprise that for many women, the safest place to ask men honest and unfiltered questions—without fear of judgment—is anonymously online.
However, avoiding difficult conversations doesn’t preventheartbreak; it only postpones it. If we never speak up about what bothers us or share what we truly want, we end up settling for less.
And if someone rejects us, that’s not a failure—it’s just proof they weren’t the right person. After all, why invest time in someone who doesn’t care about our pleasure, interests, or needs?
“My entire coaching ethos is about empowering women to be in the driver’s seat of their romantic lives,” said Opert. With her clients, she helps them recognize that they are just as worthy of choosing as they are of being chosen. “If we have the mindset of ‘What will they like about me?’ instead of ‘What do I actually like about this person I’m on a date with?’ it places women in a powerless position.”
But youdohave power. Taking control of your love life starts with how you see yourself. So next time you go on a date, try changing your perspective—focus on what you want. And if you’re struggling, consider talking to a professional. Just don’t sell yourself short.
How do I tell if a guy is being genuine? Sometimes I feel like men just tell me what I want to hear in order to sleep with me and will fake literally everything including the stuff they like. I need help with figuring out what their intentions are especially if they are not being honest.[deleted]:My suggestion is to first ask them about what things they like. Not only are you learning about their interests as I hope they are learning yours, but you are also learning how they emote when talking about something they have real feelings about.Ditto for asking about things they dislike or hate.I’m an autistic male and gauging genuine-ness is hard for me. And what I learn about one person never seems to translate into a general skill I can apply to others.I’ve learned to deliberately invoke something I know they will be genuine about first and then compare subsequent interactions to that.McRibEater:Watch out for guys who say all the right things. The biggest players I know are also the ones who really put it on early. Most guys who really like you are nervous to start off like you are.RavenousIron:I’m gonna keep it a buck with you. If you are meeting most guys on dating apps, 90% of them are strictly looking to get laid. They will tell you every trick in the book to get this done, and yes that means playing the genuine card. I’d suggest being up front with guys that you meet and telling them that you are looking for something more serious. That is usually a good way to see if they just want a quick f**k or actually want to put in the work.
Do guys really care if a chick’s lowers are groomed/waxed? Or do you not care?MacKelvey:I like some grooming. She doesn’t have to be completely bare but trimmed and maintained is always nice.[deleted]:I prefer if it is, but can’t reasonably demand it. Definitely appreciated though.Peelfest2016:I keep my business pretty trimmed up. I’d appreciate the same. I don’t need fully shaved, but trimming is very appreciated. When my gf asked me why I even care what length it’s at if it doesn’t get completely smooth anyway, I told her “you know how you make me trim my mustache because if it gets too long the hairs go up your nose when we kiss? That’s why.”[deleted]:A definite plus and turn on. The hair gets wet, sticky, rubs and pull.
If you can’t finish, is it our fault?manateewallpaper:only if you start asking mood killer questions like that right in the middle of the act.bloodguzzlingbunny:Nope, not ever. I have been on antidepressants before that made it very difficult to orgasm. Honestly, when I am really into the person, I am just happy to be there. Not reaching the top of the hill isn’t nearly as important as being with who I am traveling with.
Do you guys REALLY enjoy going down on us, or do you just deal?Ilmioaccount18piu:Do you really enjoy having a d**k in your mouth? It depends of course, but if the person giving or*l is enjoying it, the person who receives it will clearly notice.arothmanmusic:Yes, absolutely. It’s one of my most favorite things in the world.
Is the sx different with a girl you don’t want to see again and a girl you do? Is the intimacy different, the lead up etc?RandeKnight:Just making out with someone I love is better than monkey sx with a stranger.MacKelvey:Yes. I’m much more bold with a woman I know I’ll never see again.
For my first time, this guy after we had done the deed; 1.Didn’t clean up his mess 2.Started pointing out my flaws “Your chest has a lot of acne, your veins are oddly blue, your knees look weird”. Is this normal? I personally was offended and that made my first time horrible.ProsperoFinch:Dude was a massive ahole, and I’m sorry your first time was a negative experience. You deserve better. Hopefully your future experiences will be much more loving and uplifting.ChunksMcGoo:Sounds like they’re either really insecure about themselves and that’s them coping with it orrr they’re an ahole.
I have a very ethnic background and while that means people may find me especially unique/attractive it does mean that I’m “hairy” nothing too crazybut I grow a few hairs around my nipples- overall I have a nice chest but there is a bit of scarring from plucking/hair removal (I have ocd ha) …is that a turn off? I’m working on healing and keeping things moisturized 😭.packersfan823:If your partner finds a couple small scars or a couple hairs revolting, the problem isn’t with you, the problem is with your partner. I’m just happy to see b**bs.
Where do you put your blls when you ride a bike?AdamBomb_RB:I ride a bike daily at school and I’ve never once thought about that, lol.But for a more detailed answer, they don’t really “get in the way” ‘cause our, uh, genitals are, like, more forward/higher up than womens’, so when we sit down our blls are, like, between our legs, and on a bike, or any seat for that matter, the actual part making contact with the seat is just your a**.candyflip93:Not kidding, I don’t even know how I manage that, like when I really want to find out and do it manually, it doesn’t work and hurts a lot. The only way is to just do it and leave the rest to your b*lls memory.
Are you looking at my bhole when you do it from behind?dnaoriginal: If lights are on, yes, if lights are off, yes.NotBearhound:Focusing on the whole, not the hole.Idaho_In_Uranus:I can see it, but I’m not necessarily looking at it. I’m more focused on the jiggle of the buns and my stroke point. The bhole is just kinda in the periphery.
Do y’all get post nt clarity work after you’ve had sx with someone you love?in-a-microbus:Absolutely! It’s just a clarity about different things. Instead of “I’ve made a mistake, I regret this decision” it’s more “don’t forget to put three garbage bins out”.SatinWalrus:It comes and it goes, but it never stays long enough.
How do we know if you like us, romantically?RogueAlt07:We like to hang around you, actively make the choice to pursue your company, smile and look at you in groups and generally get along very well and usually they’re into you.[deleted]:You want to know the actual secret? They will mirror you. If you smile at them they will do the same back to you. Men are very sensitive and are really in tune with the one they like, so they will be very reactive to them. Even when they try to hide it. So do let them know because they are thick as bricks and will spite their own feelings.
Do you prefer boxers or briefs?Foxsayy:The only true answers.Briefs are way too tight and uncomfortable. Boxers are way too lose and they feel like wearing a pair of unruly shorts under your pants.Boxer briefs are the goldilocks of underwear.Nomad493YT:Briefs. Feels snug and comfy.
Do your blls really move depending on the weather, if so, does it feel weird?ChunksMcGoo:It’s temperature dependent and sometimes it can feel weird like if you go from warm house to cold outside or jump into a cold pool in the summer.The_WandererHFY:Passive system, it just does its thing. The boys gotta stay climate controlled.The reason for that is that sprm need a certain temp range, and core body temp is too high. Gotta keep them shs air-cooled, but if it’s cold then they stay closer to the core body so they don’t fkin freeze.
How do you feel about s*x during period?McRibEater:Turn off the lights, throw down a towel and get to work. One of the reason I enjoy doing it during this time is Women seem super turned on during their period.JBounce369:I’m definitely an outlier here but I could never. Any blood, and especially not my own, makes me nauseous.
When a bner happens, does your pnis slowly come up, or does it shoot up straight away?[deleted]: Depends… if you notice it sliding up your pants then it’d typically slow, but if your girl is standing in front of you saying she’s ready….. kinda just happens and you won’t noticecheetosysst:Usually slow, it’s blood we’re talking about, not a freaking star wars light saber
What does it feel like walking with your dong between your legs ? Or how does that work…[deleted]:You don’t really notice it, but at the same time you know somethings there.GrazYetti:It’s the same as your nose being within your vision. You get so used to your nose being in your peripherals that you don’t see it anymore. Same with your manhood, it’s there and flopping around but, you’re so used to it that you don’t notice it anymore.kamakazi339:It literally ceases to be a thought unless youA. Get it stuck to your leg (d**k/blls) B. Get a bner.
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How do you manage to move it without using your hands? I’ve seen a couple of guys do it and was absolutely speechless/impressed. They just said, “I don’t know how, I just can”. I want to know HOW.vendetta0311:Same muscle that stops the pee stream, women have it too.RogueAlt07:There’s the muscle I think in the glutes that pulls it, it’s primary purpose is to pull the glutes up but a side movement is the phallus moving. Don’t quote me, I’m not a medical professional so I may be wrong but that’s my best guest for how we do it.
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Why do you find bbs appealing??Lord_Metagross:Life cold. Life hard.bbs warm. bbs soft.UltraLollipop:There is just something about not having them and how the human body doesn’t have strait lines or perfect angles but bbs just seem so round and soft. And they add a nice curve to the body. Also many men are so curious about them and back to the thing about not having them.
How come some guys don’t like to kiss/make out?MASTER_L1NK:They probably were made self conscious about it. I’m not that guy but an ex way back when made a comment on my French kissing that made me not want to do it til recently with my current gf. She loves it and she likes the way I do it. So I like it again.wegsleepregeling:I only don’t want to if our kissing styles aren’t compatible. I have totally lost interest in a partner, over time, who didn’t kiss in any ways that I found satisfying. I fell quickly in love the woman who kissed me absolutely perfectly, and was clearly getting off on it. (Not the only reason I fell in love but that lit the fire to quickly go all in with her. I’m also still hopelessly in love with her, to this day.The ultimate advice IMO: kiss the way you authentically like it, go all in, rather than the way you think he wants it.
My boyfriend claims that my guy friends have thought about what it would be like to have sx with me. That’s not true right?LoginForMyPrn:Most of them have, probably.But bear in mind that it doesn’t mean they WANT to have sx with you. It’s just a thing we think about sometimes.And even if they do want to have sx with you they might not choose to. Part of growing up as a man is learning that you don’t have to stick your d**k into every person you find attractive.Sick_Sabbat:Difficult truths about both genders. Most of us within the first 10 to 20 seconds of meeting you will have made the decision in our heads if we would have sx with you or wouldn’t. If the answer to this was yes. Then absolutely we have thought about it. Will we try it? Not always. Everyone you know that is attracted to your gender identity has thought about sx with you at least once. Not necessarily a full on fantasy but the question of “Would I?”
Can you feel our b**bs when we hug??? Like obviously you do, but is it noticeable???KingLewi92:Yes, and we are aware of that every time.DaRUBaX:not always. unless i’m specifically paying attention to that i don’t really notice it. like i’ll feel it but i may not be paying attention to it and because of that i won’t notice it.
How do you all pe when you have a bner?CakeAccomplice12:We become cirque de Soleil gymnasts for a brief minute.dimmu1313:with great difficulty.kwinckultoss:Medical doctor here: unlike females, males have only one genital orifice for both urinary and genital… necessities. The mechanism of which system’s canal is connected is similar to a trapdoor: when you get an erection, the trapdoor kind of closes/narrows the urinary tract, slowing the passage of urine through bladder, and opens/widens the genital tract. That’s why it takes longer and becomes more difficult to urinate with a boner, because you’re trying to push urine through a more narrow tube.
With all of these sx questions being flung about; does intense focus on career or hobbies negatively affect your sx drive?hkystar35:100%. And with traditional stereotypes for gender roles, it just adds to the pressure of the guy being the one to initiate. It’s anxiety inducing to weigh “I’m fking exhausted” with “I’m going be more exhausted fking” and how that affects the relationship.[deleted]:No. For me there’s always time for s*x. It improves my mood and makes it easier for me to focus. Not to mention intimacy is important in ones life.
Do you actually like it when a girl is inexperienced, or do you guys just say that?f**kallthistodeath:Think it just takes the pressure of when you know you’re the more experienced one.BrilliantWeight:I’ve had both in my life. My wife was experienced when we met, and I LOVE having s*x with her, significantly because she is good at it. The fact that her experience comes from practice with people who are not me doesn’t bother me at all. I know who she’s banging these days, and that’s all that matters to me.That being said, my girlfriend and I losing our virginities to each other when we were teenagers was pretty special. Neither of us had much of an idea of what to do other than “this goes here”, but we were in full-blown teenage love, and I’m thankful I got to do that with her specifically.
What’s the best way to handle/explore s*x with a man who is maybe starting to experience lower T (we are 40 years old) and we’re in a new relationship and I have a huge crush on him! He seems frustrated about it, and I want to be a good partner…. And I also want to be satisfied….HelloBello30:maybe he is eligible for TRT? I am on it. It’s dope.Questionable_Ballot:Initiate intimacy. As men, we’re usually the ones expected to initiate all the time. When a woman initiates kissing/touching, it makes me feel wanted and gets the motor running 0-60 pretty quick.
How often do you actually sit on your b*lls and is it painful?Knotical_MK6:Most underwear don’t really allow your balls to fall down in a position where you could sit on them.DontTrustMeImAllSh-t:Maybe a couple times a year. The pain feels like stubbing your toe but the peak lasts longer and it travels up your spine
What takes a girlfriend to the fiancé/wife level?amuzmint:Can I grow old with this person, have they gone out of the way for me multiple times, be the person who understands me without me having to say anything, and more.KanadeKanashi:When the honeymoon phase of the relationship ends and you’re still wholefully in love with each other, and having each other best interests at heartThough you do need sexual compatibility.
Do you like it when a girl does a little gasp when you first slide in?Edit: probably should’ve said a genuine gasp of pleasure, not pain lol.djangula89:There are so many things that I like that can be ruined if someone does it knowing I like it opposed to happening naturally…thefantasticstapler:10000%.
What made you fall in love? And when did you realize it?originalsanitizer:There was a Jack Nicholson movie where he told someone that they made him want to be a better person. She really made me feel that way. We had been together for 4 or 5 months at that point.OGNovelNinja:Hung up the phone, realized I was buzzed just from talking to her, and kinda panicked. Not because I was afraid of commitment (I’d been in love before), but I knew she was. Sure enough, she broke up with me.Twelve years later, we got married. We now have two boys.The intervening years would make for a decent soap opera, I think.
Do you need/want a girl to be more active in bed? (If so what should she be doing) Or if she’s just like holding on for dear life as you f**k her is that enough?deathanhonour:Depends on the situation. But the most important thing is enthusiastically showing your enjoyment. That could mean holding on for dear life and begging for more. That could mean being vocal, or taking control. Just make eye contact and smile occasionally, and do whatever comes naturally, other than starfish.brandonawarah:My first time was with a girl who was stone cold aside from her climaxes (and even then she was super quiet) I legitimately couldn’t finish because I need some engagement from her.
How often does sx suck?Is it more like “bad sx is still sx” or are there moments you’re there floating in a sea of someone’s sensationless pssy wishing you’d stayed home and watched Lego Wars?ProsperoFinch:I’d say most of the time, sx is a bit like pizza, in that even when it’s bad, you’re still like “f**k it, it’s still mildly satisfying”.That said, I’ve had had truly bad sx a couple of times in my life. I’m 40 now, and I’ve been doing it since I was 17, so it’s very very rare, but it has happened. Both times were extremely casual, with no emotional connection, and the girl was an unenthusiastic partner (despite giving enthusiastic consent). They just laid there, kinda like a starfish, no feedback about what felt good or felt bad.When there’s feedback, we can turn a bad or awkward sex session around and even if it’s not amazing it can be enjoyable in the end. But no feedback? Just lying there expecting me to magically know what revs your engine? There’s no way anyone can make that work. Good sex is an exchange of energy and passion. Even if it’s casual, it’s still a partnership, and both people have to be engaged.PinkEyeofHorus:It depends in the situation. One night stands where they just starfish because of inexperience, it’s just “ok”. When in a committed relationship and she starfishes because of “duty sex” and does it just to get me to stop initiating. Absolutely soul crushing.
Do you really want women to sit on your face?tatertom:Not merely sit on, but smother.Iminlesbian:I will BEG a girl to do this. Sometimes takes a while for a girl to be okay with actually crushing my face but that’s what I want.I personally really enjoy the idea of my face being used for pleasure.v43havkar:As often as possible. Even if I die during this, it is still - a beautiful death.
Do you really think about sx as often as women or are you lying about that? Because I am constantly ready and if I could I would have sx as often as possible. Yet I wonder if men are the same.Astramancer:Just like with women it varies from person to person and time to time.Sometimes guys simply aren’t mentally in the mood. Sometimes guys simply aren’t physiologically in the mood even if the mind says yes (and it doesn’t really have anything to do with the partner).But sometimes 100% ready to go even if it’s completely inappropriate time and place.meow1983:My ex husband only wanted two or three times a week when I wanted five or more times a day. I hated the rejection. Sorry you’ve been rejected so much.Have_Donut:I personally feel like I can turn it on fast if I have something to queue me in that direction but it is actually not on my mind too often to be honest.
Do you j*rk off to the pictures of me I sent to you?197720092012:Most likely, 100%.Outrageous_Taro86:If you’re not playing with yourself to the pics I sent you, why did I send them??
Why are y’all so quick to disconnect after sx? I’ve always liked to cuddle with it still in after.fakiresky:I don’t know about everyone else, but I love cuddling, snacking, and chatting after sx.[deleted]:It’s biochemical/hormones. Most guys are literally wired for that.wokeupatapicnic:It’s situational, sometimes I’m just overheated and sweaty or if it was particularly aggressive sometimes I go too hard and my blls slap around and make me a bit nauseated afterwards lol.But I once had a relationship where I was usually disconnected after sx and it felt mostly due to hormones or something. Like I had just been given a shot of adrenaline and my fight or flight response kicked in or something. It was unpleasant for me to be in that state, and I’d get grumpy and defensive. I was mostly a total asshole afterwards, even if I didn’t want to be.Looking back, it’s something I had to mentally prepare for and that I learned my way out of in my late 20s, but I feel like it was partly due to bad chemistry between us, and our relationship being toxic without either of us realizing it. Instead of bringing us together the s*x helped drive us apart or something… that was a really weird time in my life, and prob not what you were asking about, but it’s something that dawned on me while looking back…
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