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I don’t know if this fits in here, but the first death I witnessed was in a dementia ward. The patient has been sad and depressed as long as I’d known her. No matter what we did to cheer her up, it just didn’t stick. One morning I went in to her room to get her out of bed and make her ready for the day, she sat up in her bed with her feet straight out. She somehow looked like a little child and she was smiling. Delighted that she looked happy I exclaimed : «Are you already up, friend?»She answered, so happy and so smiley: «yes, I’m going home today»I took her to the bathroom and right there in my arms she went home…I was young and it scared me back then, but now I cherish that memory. We should all be so lucky to leave the world happy and content.
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Brought a pediatric patient back for emergency heart surgery (about 14yrs old). He was very nervous. Outlook looked grim. I held his hand as they began to induce anesthesia. He looked like he was about to cry. I told him there was nothing to worry about. He was gonna be just fine. He gripped my hand super tight as the propfol took hold, looked me in the eye and said “I’m going to die, aren’t I?”. I told him I would be there in PACU when he woke up. He died on the table. I was the last thing he ever saw. 8 years later I still think about that kid. I still see his face. The fear in his eyes. I still feel guilty that I lied right to his face…EDIT: Didn’t expect this to get as much traction as it did, so I will clarify. I am in a much better place now. I’m still in pediatrics but I have regular therapy and am in a strong place mentally. I appreciate all the kind words. The guilt I feel doesn’t weigh on me like it did all those years ago thankfully. Hug your kids and tell them you love them. ✌️.
Lots from COVID that stuck with me. ICU nurse here.Many passed due to vaccine misinformation. Can think of patients tell me that they wanted the vaccine after they were so sick.I remember one in particular- his wife recently passed from COVID, and wanted to watch her funeral but had no way of watching it. He was an elderly man without much technological experience. I was able to pull up the live stream using my phone and let him watch. After the funeral was over, he called me in the room to tell me he was ready to pass. He was extremely sick, but still conscious, and wanted all oxygen and meds to be turned off. We gave him morphine and versed and he passed in less than ten mins.I frequently flashback to all the patients that we gave iPads to so they could FaceTime their family one last time before being intubated (a death sentence). Some patients would get to that point at 2am, and they would call their families multiple times without anyone picking up. Still breaks my heart.Also had patient who was close to discharging, tell me about dreams they had where the reaper was following them everywhere they went. While waiting for his ride to come pick him up, he went into cardiac arrest and we never got him back.This isn’t a confession per se, but the eeriest story I’ve ever encountered.We had a patient in the icu for months, sick with liver failure, perforated bowels, CRRT.. the works. He was so yellow (from the liver failure) he almost looked like he was glowing. He eventually went into cardiac arrest and passed away, sent him to the morgue and clean the room. A few hours later we admit an elderly confused man with dementia for a fall. I’m moving him over to his bed and the first thing he asks is “why is there a yellow man standing in the corner of my room?!”I was shaking.
I had a patient tell me she had mrdered her first husband back in the UK in the 1940’s.He was an abusive drunk who married her at 16 when he was 40. He beat her black and blue and often fell asleep drunk afterwards.She said she poisoned him and no one looked into it after he died, just assumed it was the alcohol. She felt it was her only way out as she had no family or friends and she was scared he would kll her if she tried to leave.She moved to Australia straight after and never told a soul, not her second husband nor her children. She lived a lovely life in New Zealand with a husband, several children and a tribe of grandchildren who all loved her but never knew.
I had an elderly lady in for shortness of breath, she was a very petite but otherwise healthy 90 year old lived independently at home. She had been with us for about 5 hours at this point, she’s ready for imaging so the husband goes to get her an overnight bag and we head to imaging.Fully lucid, stable BP, sinus rhythm, 99% sats on room air asks me to tell her husband when he came back that she loves him very much and has enjoyed her life with him. 15 minutes later we return to the room, I plug her monitor back into the podium and she arrests.She didn’t get to tell him she loved him that one last time like I reassured her she would. I often think about that man, I think he would have shortly passed from a broken heart. The way he looked at her after 70+ years of marriage.I thought I’d add another “true love” death story. An elderly lady again in her 90s collapsed in the shower at home. She was the carer for her husband who had mild dementia. Her husband heard her fall, found her unconscious and called the ambulance. She arrived lights and sirens with a GCS of 6 (not awake, doesn’t respond to verbal commands but has a reflex response to pain). As she was being removed from the back of the ambulance, a colleague was assisting the husband out of the front of the ambulance. As he was exciting the ambulance he had lost his footing, fell down, hit his head and was also now unconcious. They both had catastrophic brain bleeds, were palliated in a bariatric bed together and they both passed away within hours of each other, none the wiser that poor health had impacted them and they never had to go through the pain of losing their life partner.I often think about their children and hope they can see the beauty in their passing amongst the grief.
Not a nurse and not a confession as such.My mother was dealing with high blood pressure, increased glucose levels, hyperacidity, cold, and body pains. It all happened in 1.5 days so we never could see it coming, which is why we never took her to the hospital and she was resting at home.The cold meant she had a stuffy nose hence she was breathing through her mouth and the body pains meant she couldn’t lay still on the bed for any longer than 2 mins. Throughout (what were) the last 4 hours of her life, she was just breathing through her mouth, and getting up to sit upright (because of the back aches from lying down + body pains) and then lying down again (because of no energy in the body from a poor appetite across the day) repeatedly.In the last 30 mins, she sat upright, dragged herself to the edge of the bed to fall on the floor in a sitting position, and crawled her way across to me where I was sitting on a couch, so I could stay up all night vigilant to her needs. She placed her hands/palms, one over the other, on my thigh and then laid her head on this new makeshift pillow she made for herself, where she slept uninterrupted or without much discomfort for 20 mins - it was the longest duration she managed to sleep across the entire day despite being on bed rest. I made it a point not to move an inch, until a mosquito bit me on the foot and forced an intervention which disrupted her sleep.It would turn out that her last ever nap was spent in her son’s lap in a somewhat spine-chilling full circle of life. It was quite difficult to see the guiding light of my life leave like that but thanks to the wonderful people around me, I’ve looked at that experience from a perspective of her seeking comfort in those moments of pain from someone she loved so unconditionally and that it is truly a privilege being able to give my mother that comfort before she left.
I’ve got several, but this is one of my favorites. 98 yrs old guy heart failure. Decided to go comfort care only. He was on a lot of meds to keep him comfortable until his room was ready. I was 1:1 with him in the ED. Basically keeping him well so he could pass in peace when his family and friends arrived. I asked him " so, 98 yrs. What have you learned?" His response was awesome. He said “sex. If I knew the last time I had it was going to be the last time, I would not have been such a gentleman.” I don’t know why, but in his halting gasps it always makes me laugh. Approach everything with gusto ladies and gentlemen, like it might be your last time.
Patient once told me he wished he had worked less and spent more time traveling and being with friends and family. He died the next day, not on my shift. It stuck in my head. A few years later I retired and this was one of the reasons. It changed my perspective.
I’ve had a few people casually tell me, “I’m going to die today.” The first time someone who was awake, alert and not-in-distress told me that (then died later that day), I was spooked. Then, I learned to believe them.
Not a nurse but I had a lovely conversation with the nurse who cared for my grandma when she died. She did the whole “idk how to say this but one of the last things she said seemed like she k*lled her husband?” And I just laughed and went “yea, two of them. Times were crazy before no fault divorce.” It was always an open, but not talked about, secret. Now that she’s dead and can’t be arrested, I’m bragging to everyone about how protective she was towards “kids in her care”. She was a flawed human being but she was fiercely protective and the strongest person I’ve ever met.
He didn’t die, BUT… had a patient come into the ER who had a partial airway obstruction. He thought he was a goner. He told his wife on the way in that he’d been having a decades-long affair.Annnnd of course he ended up being okay. The wife left his room and did NOT come back.
An old lady told me she had a 22 year long affair with a bus driver, and all five of her adult children might be his.I didn’t pass that along.
Had a patient that was a Covid/Vax denier despite being in an ICU with COVID. His last words were, “I didn’t think it was real”.
Two come to mind, a mother and son were cooking m*th and the house exploded. They both had enough burns they were not going to make it. They basically just held hands and apologized to each other and died together. They were both comfort care on our unit.The other was a young man with AIDS that didn’t believe in treatment. He said he hopes on his next reincarnation he takes better care of himself and that he wished he would have taken the meds.
I’m a nursing assistant and definitely have some stories.I’ve had a few senior women who are in different stages of dementia describe violent SA they experienced as children, many of the stories were similar in the sense of when they told their parents they were blamed or not taken seriously. Really heart breaking but I never knew if they were actually true stories.I once had a man who was extremely sick, confused and at the end stages of life. I had only dealt with him on 2 separate occasions a few days apart so wasn’t super familiar with him. He confessed on both occasions to beating a woman to death in great detail. The when, the where and the why. I reported it but never heard anything back. None of the staff that had worked with him previously had heard this, one nurse told me someone had mentioned he may have vaguely mentioned something about it but didn’t know the details. Also not sure if it was the confusion or true, but the amount of details he had and the way he said he was ready to be put away for it was really disturbing.
On the opposite side here: I’ve died clinically once (though thankfully I was resuscitated).I grew up in the slums of Rio. It was extremely violent and the only way to avoid being part of the d**g cartel and not having protection to survive was to be part of a gang. I was part of a gang made only of girls. At the time, the average life expectancy of us there was 23.When I was 15, I got stabbed in the guts and went down the Dona Marta, which is a very steep way down, to the public hospital at the base. I got there, and I was 200% sure I was gonna die of blood loss.My last words to the nurse before I passed out were “Will you tell my friends I was brave?” I wasn’t thinking of my parents or my family. I was worried for the other girls.It seems… extremely sophomoric now, but it meant a lot back then. In a way, reputation was everything, and I didn’t want other gang members to think less of my friends if I died scared.
I’m a hospice nurse. Not as many deathbed confessions because folks usually aren’t lucid/talking at end of life.Lots of people will have terminal lucidity and say that they’re going to die (or if they have dementia, they might say a bus is coming to get them, or they are going on a trip).But the big moment-of-death thing that stuck with me was a woman who, literally right before her last breath, opened her eyes, stared at something we couldn’t see, let out a gut-wrenching cry/wail, then died. It really kind of chilled me. I told her family it wasn’t uncommon to have some final burst of energy (true), but didn’t tell them I’d never seen it present like that. Usually it’s just a sigh or a teardrop. Not a f*****g scream.
This doesn’t quite fit as I’m not a nurse, BUT.Last year my great grandfather passed, I live 4hrs away from my family, my mom gave me a call shortly before his passing to come visit because “it will be the last time I’d see him” (in his late 90’s on hospice, not doing well)Well, after I’d visited and come home, I get a FaceTime from my mom (she stayed with him along with her mom in his final days). The reason she FaceTimed me was because my great grandpa kept asking for me and saying he needed me. When she put me on the phone with him, all he wanted to ask me was if it is okay that he “moves on to the other side” I assured him that it was okay and no one would be mad at him.Afterward, my mom told me that he had said I came to him in his sleep last night to help him to the other side and he wanted to talk to me to make sure it was okay to go.Sure enough he passed that night. I think about it sometimes, an odd feeling that I, for some reason was what helped him let go.
Patient told me they had a dream that they were going to meet me. I was the one to wash their body and prepare them for the morgue once they died.
Working in oncology at the time, had an older gentleman with liver cancer that had spread everywhere including his brain. Having brain mets made him very vague, often nonsensical, he was in and out of consciousness and never really answered questions appropriately in that his answers were very random. This is not unusual for people with brain tumours. He also had a thick Eastern European accent, his kids explained they immigrated from Russia in the late 80s (to Australia).Our focus was on comfort care for him as he was palliative due to the extensive metastases throughout his body.Anyways, one day I’m taking his vitals and he grabs my hand, looks me straight in the eyes and just says to me “you know, I have k****d so many people” in his very strong accent. I kind of just froze and didn’t know what to say but he let go and went back to sleep/reduced consciousness.Often people have a moment of clarity/make sense for a brief episode right before they pass. I didn’t take it as a threat or anything, it just freaked me out. He passed away that evening after my shift was over so I always wondered if this was a deathbed confession of sorts.
I’m a nurse now and honestly have seen much more sudden and traumatic deaths since this one, but this one always is the first I think of. Back when I was a CNA at a nursing home about 6 years ago, our scrub color was either teal, purple or medium blue and that day I happened to wear my new light blue scrubs that were a little brighter than technically allowed. I only add this detail because I think it might have played a role here? There was this one resident who was much younger than most there, only in her mid 60s. She was in really rough physical and mental shape due to severe liver failure and other compounding issues for years. She didn’t have much family visit although I heard she had a husband, and she was there for at least a year. She never spoke more than a moan and couldn’t really maintain eye contact or do much. She would just need to be turned and cleaned up often. The day I was wearing those new scrubs and in there cleaning her like normal, she suddenly looked right at me and in a very soft, clear voice said, “you look like an angel.” I remember being pretty shocked that she spoke out loud and kinda just said, “isn’t this a pretty color??” She went back to being nonverbal the rest of the shift and I remember thinking about it a lot until I went home. When I got back in 2 days later I found out she had died in her sleep that night. I never told anyone she spoke because I started to doubt myself and felt really weird. I also got yelled at for wearing those scrubs since they were technically out of uniform lol. I always will remember that woman even though honestly I don’t think anyone else thinks about her anymore.
That none of her adult kids were her husband’s - and there were 4 of them , and none of them knew.
Wasn’t a confession, but we were called in to transport a patient from the ED to another higher level of care ED. Pt was in a back room, no windows, just kind of sad really. Report was that he had end stage CA, and all the palliative beds were taken & he didn’t have family.You could tell he didn’t have much time left.We got him in the back of the ambulance and I could just sense he wanted someone with him when he went. So I held his hand, and I watched him take his last breath at that exact moment.
“I would give all the money I earned to be able to be a present father to my children, and that’s what I will do if I survive” he told me this before he was intubated during the COVID pandemic.Later I learned that he was a very successful businessman but that he never had time for his family. Today, all companies have practically been sold.
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I work with dementia clients. I have had so many pre death confessions. Sometimes it’s Asif the dementia leaves them just before they pass away.A mind blowing confession I always think about was a veteran who confessed to all the war crimes he committed and how he felt so terrible for all the things he did. He said this was the reason he had no relationship with his family and to be honest I don’t blame his family for not having anything to do with him.
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In the deeply human moments before parting, a patient’s final words can leave lasting memories. Medical workers often hear these potent expressions, reminding us of the power words hold.
I am not a nurse, but I work as a training and development specialist for medical stuff. Like I write guides, teach people how to use programs, etc.I had a colleague who had been doing this much longer and she said she once had to work a geriatric LTC unit during implementation. It’s where we hang around and help people get used to the new system on a workday.Anyway, she said that this unit was naturally filled with older people. The patients could wander around in a confined unit, so having them meander around nurses' stations wasn’t unusual.She said she was there one night when this old man wandered up the the nurse. He was well known and probably a long timer. He wanted to use the phone to call his daughter. Now a lot of patients have dementia and they get confused or out of sorts, so I guess the nurses just waved him off saying they’ll call her later.The old guy looked right at the nurse and said “No, no, I packed up, I made it easier for her.” Again, nurse thinks oh, he believes he is leaving, ok, dear, I will tell her.“Can you call her and let her know I left the watch (or something meaningful) for her, she can donate the rest.” Then just abruptly shuffles off back to his room.Hour later, he died. My colleague was apparently really freaked out and had to help the nurse put in a deceased workflow in the system. The notes sounded wild to her.I guess the old man knew it was coming and packed up everything so his daughter could have an easier time.
I’ve had a couple people tell me they committed mrder. Neither was 100% in control of their mental facilities so I can’t know it was factual. Though one woman was so detailed that my feeling is she did it. (Smothered her newborn because she believed it would prevent her and older kids from escaping an abusive relationship. “He would have klled me if I tried to take his child away”. And, “Going to be with god was better than having that man as a father.”) Died soon after. I was a very young nurse and honestly would much rather had not heard about it.
Jumping on the “not a confession, but..” train, I looked after an elderly man in the emergency department a few years ago. His daughter and grandson were there with him, and he asked them to go to the hospital cafe to get him a milkshake. Went into cardiac arrest the moment they were out of the department. I still believe he knew he was about to die, and didn’t want them to have to see it.
That she liked H*tler because she was poor as a child and she would only get new shoes when she went to the train station to see the Jews off to the concentration camps.
My dad.He just said “I don’t think I have much time left.”I gave him water when his mouth felt dry. Me and my sister sat next to his hospital bed until I noticed his agonal breaths. I knew what it meant, but my sister didn’t. .
I worked in hospice mostly, so every patient did die- I did form relationships with most of them before they passed. I remember one woman (who was one of my favorites) declining faster than we had anticipated.I got her up in a chair and she leaned forward- it looked like she kept trying to pick something up but nothing was there. I asked her, What are you doing toots? And she said, “I’m trying to pick up the bells, I can’t get the bells.“She died a few hours later.
Very early on in my career, like freshly minted nurse, I had a patient who had stayed overnight in the surgical ward for observation following a gallbladder removal. The plan was to discharge them after the surgeon had seen them in the morning. His procedure went very well and he had no complications at all the previous day and he wasn’t in a great deal of pain so I wasn’t worried about him too much.I went to go see him and grab his vitals for the morning and in the process I was flushing his IV’s just to make sure they worked in case anything crazy happened and he needed emergent meds. As I’m doing that he looks at me and just straight up says “Maryjake, I’m gonna die.” Obviously that caught me off guard a little bit so I asked him to elaborate, to which he replied “I see two of you, I’m dying.“I quickly threw him down in his bed and he went unresponsive after that, no pulse. He really was not lying about saying he was dying.We ran the code and he ended up doing very well, his heart restarted after two rounds of compressions and one dose of epinephrine. He went to the ICU for a couple days and when I returned to work the following week I had a note waiting for me at the desk to go see the patient in room such and such. So I go down there and it’s him, very much awake, lively, and cussing me for how hard I pumped on his chest, but he and his wife were very thankful and we both remarked on how lucky he was that I was right next to him to start CPR when he lost his pulse, as it would have been very unlikely he would have survived had I not been in the room with him because he wasn’t on a cardiac monitor.Harrowing experience, I can’t imagine the feeling of KNOWING you are going to die, I’ll never forget the look on his face as that was happening, it was horrifying.The ICU team never did figure out why he coded either, his entire workup was negative. The concesus was it was just a freak incident, and he was a lucky man.
This lady/patient at the hospital my sister did her residency kept on having visions of children.“Stop those children! Control those children!” She would shout from her hospital bed.There were no children in her room, but she claimed there were many surrounding her bed, running in her room and the halls, not giving her any peace. She was the only one seeing children, none of the staff saw these kids.Was it the medication?…In her working years she gave bootlegged abortions.
Honestly this man may have been transferred from my facility instead of passing but I’ll never forget the elderly man I took care of who, in the throes of his dementia, was fighting mad about his wife giving him the clap. That’s all he’d ever yell about. Day and night. Nonstop. How dare she. That hussy. The clap can you believe it!?By now they’re both surely passed, hope she was ready for him to come swinging at her in the afterlife.
Not really a confession, but a weird thing happened right before a patient passed away. I had this patient who had intellectual disabilities, was a full code, had an NGT and continuous feeds going. She could speak but it was very garbled and hard to understand her. One night she started screaming about a black figure being in her room. Again, we never were able to understand her and at this moment her speech was clear as day. She was freaking out telling us to get it away from her and that it was coming towards her. Next thing we know she codes. Unfortunately we were unable to get her back. It still haunts me to this day.
Not a nurse but a CNA, had several patients of mine tell me they were “expecting” someone right before they passed. Usually they were loved ones or old friends but one that stood out was a very soft spoken woman who randomly began shouting “JESUS! JESUS IS HERE!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HE IS HERE!!” In the middle of the night while kicking all of her pillows and blankets offShe passed before the nurses could get a set of vitals on her to figure out what was wrong.
Not a confession but my post heart cath patient just looked at me and said “I’m sweating like a stuck pig all of a sudden” oh c**p, “are you diabetic ma’am?” No response. Called a code and she never came back. Went from fine to not just like that. That was 5+ years ago and still think of that lady to this day.
Not a nurse but a physician. This happened when I was a resident. Patient wasn’t even dying. We thought he was stable. He told us on morning rounds that he felt guilty about his estrangement from his kids. And that it stemmed from the fact he drove his ex wife to s**ide. Like encouraged her to kll herself and she did.Out of the blue he had a massive heart attack and died that evening. He was not in the hospital for anything related to that.
Not a nurse, but a few years ago I wasn’t feeling great. Nothing crazy but I felt extra tired. I kept telling my husband it was fine (it was COVID and I didn’t want to go to a hospital). One night I’m asleep and wake up at 3 AM to a tall black figure standing over the bed looking down at me. I screamed and it woke my husband. The next morning I couldn’t even lift my arm to blow-dry my hair. My husband said “ok right now you’re going.” When I got to urgent care they immediately rushed me to the hospital because my hemoglobin was at 3. I think there are definitely messages that come through when you’re on the verge.
Not exactly a nurse one but about 2 nights before my granny died my mother was staying in the hospital with her keeping her company that night (we have a big family and when one person would go into hospital we’d always have around the clock attention)Any way my mother went out and slept on a bench just outside of the ward for a few hours and she came back into my granny giving off to her, saying that an old family friend was here talking to her the whole night and she kept saying for him to wait because my mum was coming back and she had embarrassed here because she was nowhere to be seen and she was running out of things to say to him.This family friend had been dead about 20 years at this stage.A few hours later she was complaining that there were birds flying around the ward and they were annoying her. She was asking mum if they were annoying her and of course mummy couldn’t see any birds flying about the place - there obviously were no birds inside the hospital.I’m not sure whether it was the d***s she was on etc making her mind wander abit in the days before her death but it really is a bit errie.
When my grandmother passed away in her 90’s the last day she was alive when my sister went in she was having a full on conversation with my grandfather who died many years earlier. She looked right past her in the room as though she wasn’t even there.
I flipped my car off the highway going 70MPH. I can still remember trying to take control and then almost giving up. I remember watching the windshield glass breaking in slow motion.I remember consciously thinking “this is it, I’m going to die” and being completely and perfectly calm.To me, I had lived a good life and had no regrets and was willing to let the Grim Reaper take me.I passed out and woke up to 5 people around the car, I thought I was on the other side of life because I had passed out for the time it took for everyone to crowd around.They towed my car to a junkyard and I’ll never forget the fact that if I had rolled on my side and not the right, I would have been crushed. The headrest of the passenger seat was smashed and the indent of the roll was all on that right passenger side.I’m thankful to be alive and also not scared of death. Just worried about the ones that love me that I’ll leave behind when my time comes.EDIT: “gave up” to “giving up”.
I was covering for someone’s break and helped their elderly gentleman that was transitioning to hospice. After putting him on the bedpan, he started crying and confessed that he shot his friend in the woods when he was in his 20s. Said he was going to hell, wouldn’t elaborate or clarify on if he did it on accident or on purpose. That was the only time I had some sort of confession.
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