Rejectionis—unfortunately—a core and inevitable part ofdating. So, asking someone out to go on a date with you can be incredibly stressful. In the back of your mind, you’re likely wondering, what if this doesn’t work out? And, let’s not be naive—things often really don’t work out as planned. However, there is a silver lining!
Bored Pandagot in touch with the person behind the interesting thread,u/theonlinepartofme, and they were kind enough to share their thoughts on rejection, honesty, and how to handle these situations well. You’ll find our interview with them below.
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Went on a few dates with her after moving to a new country. She said something along the lines of “I think you’re nice and you’ll do well with the girls here, but I’m just not feeling it.”We still bump into each other and have a chat and it’s not awkward at all, which I put down to her honesty and maturity.
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“You seem to want a boyfriend, I’m a workaholic and can’t see that in my life right now.” It hurt but I appreciated the honesty.
A girl I liked said “No, you don’t want that. I turn into a real b*h in a relationship. And I like you. I can’t do that to you.” Ok, fine, A+ for originality, but whatever.Then she dated a friend of mine. HOLY. CP. I consider her rejection one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me..
According toMarriage.com, in the United States, women are almost twice as likely to initiate breakups than men. Around 70% of straight, unmarried couples don’t last long: they break up within the first year of startingdating.
42% of people who made up their minds to break up with their partners waited a week before finally breaking up with them. 58% of people think that their breakups are messy or dramatic.
I once heard, “I have a lot of respect for you, but I don’t see us being a match”, it was honest without being harsh.
The best was a polite “I think we’re on different wavelengths, but I appreciate the chat”.
“Wow, I can’t believe someone as great as you would want to date me. Unfortunately, I’m not ready to date at this time, but I’ll let you know if things change.”I walked away feeling really good after that.
Redditor u/theonlinepartofme told Bored Panda that it’s always best to lead with kindness and empathy. Unless you’re rejecting someone who is dangerous or actively making you uncomfortable, it can help to flip the situation and consider how you’d feel if the roles were reversed.“In the end, everyone wants acknowledgment or appreciation,” they said. “If the advance is genuine, there’s no way the rejection can be fully okay, but I think to let them know that their interest and courage are still appreciated can save them from much regret or shame.“Honesty also plays a big role in turning someone down. From the author’s perspective, if there are some circumstances that prevent you from dating the other person, it might help to let them know that it’s not them personally at fault here. “I personally think treating them as a human with human aches, fears, pain, anxiety, is the most important thing, rejection aside.”
Redditor u/theonlinepartofme told Bored Panda that it’s always best to lead with kindness and empathy. Unless you’re rejecting someone who is dangerous or actively making you uncomfortable, it can help to flip the situation and consider how you’d feel if the roles were reversed.
“In the end, everyone wants acknowledgment or appreciation,” they said. “If the advance is genuine, there’s no way the rejection can be fully okay, but I think to let them know that their interest and courage are still appreciated can save them from much regret or shame.”
Honesty also plays a big role in turning someone down. From the author’s perspective, if there are some circumstances that prevent you from dating the other person, it might help to let them know that it’s not them personally at fault here. “I personally think treating them as a human with human aches, fears, pain, anxiety, is the most important thing, rejection aside.”
She knew I have an affinity for Ancient Greek and composed her rejection in Attic prose. Stung, but how can I not respect that?
“I’d rather have you as a friend i can talk to and feel safe with”.
I felt hopeful for our relationship when they stated, “I appreciate your interest, but I just don’t see a future for us together. Can we still be friends?” It was a mature and courteous statement.
“Whether you’re turning someone down, being turned down, or about to possibly be turned down, interest in someone is incredibly special in this beautiful yet also cold life,” the author opened up to Bored Panda that they really value people’s courageous attempts to put themselves out there in a vulnerable position.“So, hopefully, all sides keep mind of this. And if you could be turned down, you’re braver and cooler than most of us.“The redditor who sparked the intriguing discussion opened up to Bored Panda that they generally like to turn to the r/AskReddit community whenever they have any questions running through their mind.“This question in particular came up when I was talking with a friend about rejection or break-ups, and how these days people are so sensitive and can take rejection to even a scary level. I then wondered what would be the best way to go about the worst situation: getting turned down,” u/theonlinepartofme said, adding that the person doing the rejecting has a lot of power to make the memory of the event better or worse for the other individual.
“Whether you’re turning someone down, being turned down, or about to possibly be turned down, interest in someone is incredibly special in this beautiful yet also cold life,” the author opened up to Bored Panda that they really value people’s courageous attempts to put themselves out there in a vulnerable position.
“So, hopefully, all sides keep mind of this. And if you could be turned down, you’re braver and cooler than most of us.”
The redditor who sparked the intriguing discussion opened up to Bored Panda that they generally like to turn to the r/AskReddit community whenever they have any questions running through their mind.
“This question in particular came up when I was talking with a friend about rejection or break-ups, and how these days people are so sensitive and can take rejection to even a scary level. I then wondered what would be the best way to go about the worst situation: getting turned down,” u/theonlinepartofme said, adding that the person doing the rejecting has a lot of power to make the memory of the event better or worse for the other individual.
“If I were straight I’d say yes”.
(in high school) She told me that she thought I was nice, but her friend liked me and she’d feel bad if we went out, so I should ask her out instead.I ended up going out with the friend for over a year.
According to the author, they haven’t turned down too many people, but they usually stick to a very simple and straightforward script of thanking them for their interest and then apologizing.“If it had to come up again, especially if it were with someone important to me, I’d still want them to walk away feeling good about the courage to have asked, as I’d also want to feel that way in the flipped situation. Therefore, I wanted to hear first-hand answers,” they said.There are lots of things to consider when rejecting someone. There’s some delicate balance work to focus on. For instance, most people don’t want to hurt anyone else’s feelings, even if they don’t view them in a romantic light. So, they want to avoid being callous or overly harsh.At the same time, vagueness is also emotionally dangerous. If you’re too ambiguous and overly friendly, it can wreak a ton of havoc in your life. For example, if the other person believes they still might have a shot at being with you, they might continue with their (unwanted) advances.
According to the author, they haven’t turned down too many people, but they usually stick to a very simple and straightforward script of thanking them for their interest and then apologizing.
“If it had to come up again, especially if it were with someone important to me, I’d still want them to walk away feeling good about the courage to have asked, as I’d also want to feel that way in the flipped situation. Therefore, I wanted to hear first-hand answers,” they said.
There are lots of things to consider when rejecting someone. There’s some delicate balance work to focus on. For instance, most people don’t want to hurt anyone else’s feelings, even if they don’t view them in a romantic light. So, they want to avoid being callous or overly harsh.
At the same time, vagueness is also emotionally dangerous. If you’re too ambiguous and overly friendly, it can wreak a ton of havoc in your life. For example, if the other person believes they still might have a shot at being with you, they might continue with their (unwanted) advances.
“I really appreciate the offer, but I don’t want to waste your time if I’m not feeling the same way.” Honest, clear, and no awkwardness.
The best way for me was that when I asked, she simply told me that she isn’t attracted/interested. That way you know you’ll never make a chance. If they’ll tell you that they aren’t in the right place to date right now, sure it’s polite, but it’s a lie. And this also makes you feel like you’ll have a chance some day.
He gave me a blue flower on valentine’s day… blue flowers signify friendship. poetic, yes.
In short, when turning someone down, you want to be as clear as possible without being too blunt. You want to consider the other person’s feelings without giving them any romantic hope where there is none. Honesty really is the best policy… for everyone involved.However, it’s not just what you say but also how you phrase things that’s important. Your tone of voice and body language can have a huge impact on how the rejected person feels. They’ll feel hurt if you sound like you’re too flippant or mock them. On the other hand, adding some gentle humor can defuse the tension and show that there’s nothing personal about the rejection: you’re simply not interested, no matter how awesome they are.
In short, when turning someone down, you want to be as clear as possible without being too blunt. You want to consider the other person’s feelings without giving them any romantic hope where there is none. Honesty really is the best policy… for everyone involved.
However, it’s not just what you say but also how you phrase things that’s important. Your tone of voice and body language can have a huge impact on how the rejected person feels. They’ll feel hurt if you sound like you’re too flippant or mock them. On the other hand, adding some gentle humor can defuse the tension and show that there’s nothing personal about the rejection: you’re simply not interested, no matter how awesome they are.
He said he wasn’t interested and that he looked at me as more of a sister he never had than a girlfriend, which I understood and respected. We’re still very good friends to this day.
I was hired for a brand new hardware store and there was a hot construction worker during the fitout. I mustered up the courage to ask for his number just before the store opened. He said he was flattered but married. We chatted briefly and that was that. He was a nice guy.
I was at a bar doing some day drinking in my late 20s. I was there with a large group of people, as one will do in Fells Point, Baltimore. I approached 3 ladies at a bar table, said a few words and got them to laugh. One girl simply says, “We’re sorry, we all have boyfriends.”I replied with something like, “Oh, that’s cool. Well, you all enjoy our day. It was lovely talking to you.” I said it genuinely and with a smile.The girls giggled between them then one piped up, “We think you’re cute though.”I laugh, said thank you, and walked away.
Verywell Mindnotes thatthe key to nice rejections is to be kind but firm. Here are a few things that you could potentially tell the other person when turning them down gently:“That’s really kind of you to ask, but no thank you.”“Thank you for following up. I had a good time on our last date but out of respect for your time and mine, I want to be honest and let you know that I’m not feeling the connection I’m looking for.”“I wish you the best and I hope that you find all that you are seeking.”
Verywell Mindnotes thatthe key to nice rejections is to be kind but firm. Here are a few things that you could potentially tell the other person when turning them down gently:
He said, ‘you’re an amazing person, but I just don’t feel that spark.’ Honestly, it hurt, but I appreciated the honesty more than anything.
They gave me a cookie and said, ‘I’m not interested, but I appreciate the offer.’ That cookie was my closure, and I will forever cherish it.
‘You’re nice but just not my type’ that was understandable and ok for me. And wayyy nicer than just being ghosted.
On the flip side, you should definitely avoid giving anyone false hope. For instance, you should avoid phrases like “maybe later.” Furthermore, it’s only polite not to ghost someone. They’re a real person with real feelings. If you’re not interested, tell them. Give them some closure.
Asked if she wanted to see me again and she sent me a Simon Cowell gif, “it’s a no from me.“It was hilarious.
After 2 months of dating, I’d been falling for her hard and she knew it, so she sat me down and told me that she didn’t have feelings for me yet, and that she was going to start seeing other guys (we weren’t exclusive yet). She was willing to keep dating because she really liked spending time with me and knew I’d be a good boyfriend for her, but I suspected it’d just be worsening the inevitable pain so I ended it. After we split she texted me that she thought I was a wonderful person and that I hoped I found someone.It didn’t stop me from being a little heartbroken, but I did feel valued and felt that like she’d really wanted it to work out.
She said she wasn’t ready for a relationship but that I would be the first person she called if she was ready.Honestly, when I asked her I don’t think I was ready either. I just kind of blurted after we had a few drinks.The feelings haven’t changed, but it was just the wrong time to do so.
What’s the most respectful way that someone has ever rejected you, Pandas? On the other hand, what’s the best way you’ve ever turned someone down?
“You’re just not my type” is the best version of rejection.It can’t be argued, but it also doesn’t communicate that the person is unattractive in general, just in a subjective manner.It also doesn’t contain some kind of dishonest compliment.
I was dating a girl that lived 2 hours away. She waited for a weekend where she could drive down to me (We took turns driving up/down) to dump me in person, when she could have EASILY just saved the time, money and effort to do it over text. As much as that sucked, I respect her for that.
It was a simple “i have someone, but thank you for the compliment.“in just those few words she let me know that she didn’t think i was a creep for asking, and she recognized that i asked because i liked something about her.i still remember it, years later.ETA i don’t know if the boyfriend part was true, and it didn’t matter. the thanks part, i liked that.
I had a beautiful girl in one of my lab classes in college (I’m almost 50 now but still remember!) and I finally worked up the nerve to ask her out. I was gentlemanly about it but probably also visibly at least a bit nervous. She looked me right in the eye and said something along the lines of “oh my gosh, that is so sweet of you. but I can’t, I’m already with someone.” Just a nice combination of being genuine and kind and (presumably?) honest, showing some appreciation for the compliment and not making it weird. She got a compliment and I walked away with my dignity and knowing I at least tried. Could be much worse.
It wasnt during the time he turned me down, but years later that guy contacted me again (when he was engaged already) and told me he used to have severe attachment issues and that he thought i was too nice of a girl to break my heart so he decided to drop me instead of playing unfair and he just wanted to apologise :)That felt quite good to hear:).
They just said they weren’t ready for a relationship but valued my friendship.
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Someone I was in a performing group with.Apologised for taking a long time to return my message, complimented me, explained they weren’t willing to cross the boundary of dating someone in the group. Very respectful, very kind.She then dated another member of the group, and later married another one.
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“You are lush, but I am gay, let’s do coffee though”.
“I thought I was ready but I’m not emotionally available right now.”
Went on a tinder date. Had a nice night out with drinks and a walk along the river.We exchanged a few texts afterwards. She then sent a text that said something like “I had a nice time, but I didn’t really feel a spark, so I don’t think this is going to go anywhere. All the best”.It was simple, clear, and I appreciated it. Much better than just slowly fading with awkward chat or ghosting.
I’d like to be so bold as to answer this question on behalf of that woman that time and say, me.I was a waiter. One of my customers wrote her phone number on her check. I called her the next day to say I’m really sorry, I have a girlfriend, but if you ever want to come back to the restaurant and ask to sit on my section, you’re always welcome (or something like that).She asked, wait a minute, if you have a girlfriend, why are you even calling me at all?And I told her the truth, which is that I hate when I give my number to someone and they never call, so I’m calling to explain, if I hadn’t called, why not.She said that was very sweet. It’s no wonder I have a girlfriend. Thank you. (I never saw her again.)
The best way i got turned when someone respected me a lot and said he will look for me in future but now he isn’t ready for marriage. I respected his straight opinion.
Simply: “I just don’t think about or like you that way, and I’m not really interested in starting, but I do consider you a good friend”.Being respectful of feelings and intelligence without compromising the message. Direct, honest, unambiguous, but not apologetic, and not rude.My reaction was “Thank you so much for saying so. I’m so happy to have such a good friendo”.She did in fact end up becoming one of my best friends ever.
«I think you’re a great guy, and while i would love to date you, i’m still not done getting over my ex boyfriend, and don’t want that to lead you into being stuck in a situationship with me».
I asked him out, he said he didn’t have any money and wasn’t comfortable dating right now.I didn’t care about the money thing, but I appreciate the clear ‘no.‘I was around 26, and he was like 31. He had just lost his job. I had money at the time, and I’m not having kids, so I don’t care as much about financial security in a partner.After experiencing not having money, I kinda understand. I think it’s a man thing, though. They need money to have self-esteem sometimes because of gender roles.
“I’m sorry I’m not interested.”.-Short, respectful, to the point and doesn’t waste anyone’s time. No one needs to explain why and expecting an explanation is its own explanation on why you’re not ready for a relationship.
“I’m not interested, but I wouldn’t have had the guts to do what you just did, so I’m impressed.” I had confessed to my most intense crush ever.
They kindly explained their reasons and wished me well.
Chatted up a Bartender on new years eve (I know..) and went the “no b******t” approach, straight up told her I had no pickup line or anything but I thought she was super cute and I wondered if she’d ever would grab a coffee with me. (While several (drunk AF) guys tried to chat her up and she just basically doing the usual bartender stuff of ignoring them)She told me that she’s sorry as she’s in a relationship, but over the night kept giving me free drinks, occasionally talking even and later on when she went on a break and passed us, she came over and said hi, talked a bit smalltalk etc.When we left I went over and thanked her as it was the most chill rebuff i’d ever gotten. Wasn’t even mad but rather happy.
She said she wasn’t interested in dating anyone right now and just wanted to be friends. It was definitely a white lie but it helped me save face.
“I’m sorry, Weyland. I enjoy your company, but I don’t find you attractive romantically. I’ll understand if you don’t want to talk to me after this.“And my dumb a*s past self ghosted this girl even though I was genuinely grateful for being so straightforward.
You are handsome, but not exactly my type. My friends will love you, though!
Slowly walked outta my life. Messages and talks happened less and less, we saw each other less and less every passing month until we just stopped talking.It’s like we both gave each other a chance but it was clear what we both wanted but was afraid of hurting the others feelings.
How about “no thank you”. I don’t think someone needs to give you a reason for not wanting to go out with you.
“You are great, cute and a good catch but I already have a boyfriend.” And she actually showed me her phone with pictures of him.
“I don’t date smart people, I find them off putting” At first I laughed and then I was like, ok… person knows their lane and that kind of self realization is something many of us struggle to attain.
This super hot girl was dancing with another girl in this bar and I made my approach.She stopped, faced me, smiled, took my hands, leaned in, all while maintaining intense eye contact, and in a wonderful voice, said, “Sorry, I only go one way at a time.“Then she winked and turned back to her now furious dance partner.While a yes would have been better, it definitely gave me the warm fuzzies.
With a very rich kiss, he told me “only because you deserve it.”.
I once invited a woman to sleep with me and she said “you’re too kind”.
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