Becoming aparentcan be one of the most rewarding things you do in life. However, that doesn’t mean that it’s easy! Raising your kids right is a huge challenge that’s going to test your patience, limits, and ingenuity. From time to time, you might wonder whether there are anyshortcutsyou could take to motivate your kids to behave just a bit better.
Bored Pandagot in touch with parenting bloggerSamantha Scroggin, the creator ofWalking Outside in Slippers, for her thoughts on misbehavior and why honesty may be the best policy when it comes to parenting. Scroll down for her insights.
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When my older son was 4, he was repeatedly biting other kids at preschool. Until one day I told him: “This is a non-biting school. If you keep biting, we’ll have to take you to a biting school. Everyone bites there, even the teachers”.He has never bitten anyone again.
“I think a certain amount of misbehavior from kids is to be expected from time to time. It’s the constant you have to worry about,” parenting blogger Samantha told Bored Panda.“In my experience, when my kids misbehave or lie, there is something deeper at play. They are jealous of their sibling or feeling unappreciated. Or they are going through a time of increased anxiety, she said.“I try to assume the best from my kids, and to figure out their motivations to misbehave,” the founder ofWalking Outside in Slippersshared.
“I think a certain amount of misbehavior from kids is to be expected from time to time. It’s the constant you have to worry about,” parenting blogger Samantha told Bored Panda.
“In my experience, when my kids misbehave or lie, there is something deeper at play. They are jealous of their sibling or feeling unappreciated. Or they are going through a time of increased anxiety, she said.
“I try to assume the best from my kids, and to figure out their motivations to misbehave,” the founder ofWalking Outside in Slippersshared.
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Saw one on reddit where if you want to enjoy some time undisturbed tell your kids that you’re taking a nap and when you wake up all of you are going to do chores together. They’ll want to let you sleep as long as possible to avoid doing housework, so they’ll leave you alone to actually nap or do other things like read.
My mum had a friend that would put vegetables on her own plate and not the kids.When the kids asked she would be reluctant to share, “that’s grown up food. But I suppose I can let you have a little.“Her kids grew up loving vegetables.I sat at the dinner table for 3 hours staring at the yucky cauliflower I refused to eat.
“It’s not always easy, and I definitely lose my temper sometimes,” the blogger pointed out that nobody is a ‘perfect’ parent.“Open communication goes a long way in working through the tough spots. And setting boundaries and consequences.“We askedSamanthawhether there is any room for using reverse psychology or white lies to get children to behave properly. From her perspective, there isn’t.“I think honesty is the best policy when it comes to parenting. Consequences and rewards should be enough incentive to behave without lying,” she told Bored Panda.
“It’s not always easy, and I definitely lose my temper sometimes,” the blogger pointed out that nobody is a ‘perfect’ parent.
“Open communication goes a long way in working through the tough spots. And setting boundaries and consequences.”
We askedSamanthawhether there is any room for using reverse psychology or white lies to get children to behave properly. From her perspective, there isn’t.
“I think honesty is the best policy when it comes to parenting. Consequences and rewards should be enough incentive to behave without lying,” she told Bored Panda.
My mum told me that it was written on my tongue if I was lying. So of course if I wasn’t telling the truth & she said “show me your tongue” there was no way I would open my mouth. It worked so well that I used it on my own children.
My father used to always tell me that brushing my teeth makes me sleep better. Fast forward 13 years when I couldnt sleep before an exam. I said to myself “oh, I should just brush my teeth…” I brushed happily thinking it would make me tired. Then, with a moment of clarity, I looked at myself brushing my teeth for the second time that night and realized that I “got got.”
I use my toddler’s fierce independence as a weapon against him.When he refuses to do something, like clean up, I threaten to do it for him.His boiling rage at the thought of anyone helping him blinds him and he does whatever I told him to before I have a chance to steal his glory.
It is incredibly likely that you’ve either used reverse psychology on someone in the past or had someone apply it to you—knowingly or not! In a nutshell, it’s a persuasion tactic where you advocate for behavior that’s different from the one you hope someone to embrace. In short, whatever it is that you actually want, you say the opposite, in the hope that the person will end up behaving in the desired way.
But this approach falls into a sort of grey area morally because there’s a lot of space for misuse.
We told our kids if they whined they wouldn’t get whatever they were whining about. Whenever they whined we would ask them “what do you get when you whine?” And they would answer “Nothing”. It worked perfectly as long as we were consistent.
My son was really impulsive when he was little and would try to run away from me when we would be crossing streets instead of holding my hand. So I started to tell him that he needed to hold my hand so nobody would try to steal me. It worked. He felt responsible for making sure nobody tried to kidnap me out in public.
- Any food they didn’t like was labeled turkey. They are 12 and 8 and only just realized fish isn’t turkey. They would always wonder why turkey has so many different flavors and how they like some but not others. 😂2. Starting as soon as they can walk, ask for help for just about everything. And they will help and enjoy being needed. And when they do tasks and ask for help, help them. They will always help if you teach them to do it as a family instead of an individual task. Clean house…yes, please!3. Biggest one of all - listen to them. Everything they say to you is really important to them, no matter how stupid it is. And learn what they like, even if it’s boring. This comes in handy when they’re older.
Generally, reverse psychology works on people who resist conformity. On the flip side, someone who is more compliant might respond better to a direct request.A few ways to employ reverse psychology in practice, according to ‘Verywell Mind,’ include:Discourage the desired behavior. (“You shouldn’t do that.");Forbid the desired behavior. (“Don’t do that.");Suggest that the person couldn’t do the desired behavior. (“I bet you couldn’t do that anyways.");Downtalk the desired behavior. (“I would never pick that.");Compare the desired behavior unfavorably to something else. (“You should do this because it’s so much better than that.").
Generally, reverse psychology works on people who resist conformity. On the flip side, someone who is more compliant might respond better to a direct request.
A few ways to employ reverse psychology in practice, according to ‘Verywell Mind,’ include:
When mine were younger, say, three or four, and it was close to time to stop playing at the park or in the pool, I always gave them plenty of warning using a concrete timeline that they could understand. Instead of saying “we’re leaving soon” or “five more minutes”, I would tell them something like “ok, let me see you jump in the pool. Seven more jumps and we’re leaving “. Sometimes the number was higher, but never less than five. Less than five was always met with “come on, just one more!!” Which usually wasn’t allowed. Seven or more was always such a big number that they seemed to get their fill and were ready to go when it was time.
I had 3 kids very close in age. At one point I assigned them each a day of the week (they each got two and Sunday was the leftover) Whatever the question was, the answer was whose day is it. Who gets to go first? Who gets to ride in the front? Who has to take their bath first? I saved so many arguments with this.
Not a parent, but a daycare worker, and I learned this through reddit: If a Child is having a meltdown, ask what color their shoes/shirts/pants/whatever clothing their wearing are. This distracts the child long enough to stop them in the midst of their meltdown because they haven’t thought about what they’re wearing. I used this trick twice on a kid today who was just having a terrible day. Calmed them right down.
According to ‘Parents,’ reverse psychologymay workfor some kids. For example, sometoddlerscan be “natural little contrarians” as they learn to embrace their independence.
Furthermore, you can be shorter and more specific with your requests instead of going on and on with super long explanations. Moreover, you could always give your kids choices to empower them (e.g., asking which outfit they’d like to wear to school or whether they’d like to tidy their room or brush their teeth first).
Mother of two teenagers. Don’t just listen but ask.Ask questions that can’t be answered with a yes or no. Then follow up with a few more questions about the answers given, and before you know it, they are talking to you without trying.Example: I don’t ask my kids “How was your day?”. I ask something very specific like “I see you are reading ‘certain book’ in class. I don’t think I read that, what’s it about?”. They generally give me a brief rundown so I follow up with maybe “do you have to do a project on it? What ideas do you have?”, things like that. After 1 or 2 questions like that they just keep talking about the class, then the class after or before then I know their whole day.They’ve gotten so use to just conversing with me, I don’t have to try that hard to get the ball rolling anymore unlike some of my friends who are amazed my teenage kids actually talk to me.Also, those conversation starter questions are a great go to. At dinner, no one is allowed a phone, even us adults. So I have a list of conversation starters and just start asking and everyone has to answer the question. Often times will only get to the 2nd or 3rd question before we’ve moved on to a totally different and offbeat topic, having a really great and fun conversation about something random, like is a hamburger a sandwich or it’s own thing? Or is Indiana Jones central to his own storyline? You know, the important stuff.EDIT: Just got home from work and see I got a Gold! Thank you kind stranger! I always worry I’m doing a good job as parent, so this gives me a little bit of comfort that I might be doing alright. And this hamburger/sandwich debate, yeah the discord like this is real in my household. Love it!
Be mindful of how you phrase questionsExample:Instead of “Do you want a hotdog for supper?”, ask “What do you want on your hotdog?”If your kid’s a d**k, it won’t matter. But it will help it most situations.
Bubbles! Seriously magical. For especially long car rides or traffic or just for fun. Keep some bubbles up front (cupholder ideally), turn on the a/c or fan, hold bubble wand up & instant stream of happiness! I’ve found myself doing this alone in cranky traffic jams & open the windows to spread the mirth and glee. Also, have tiny bubble bottles (like wedding favor sized) and easy to share with others in need out & about.
When she was small, I told my daughter that when she lied a red spot would appear on the middle of her forehead. I knew for sure it worked when she did indeed lie and then her hand went up to cover her forehead
When your kid sees something they want like a toy or game and you can’t/don’t want to buy it tell them to “put it on the list.”If they’re the type of kid that will follow through then you have a handy list for Christmas or birthdays. If not, then they’ll forget about it.Helps avoid arguments in the store because you aren’t really saying no.
I told my son that I was allergic to whining. Any time he started whining I did a bunch of fake sneezing and he would apologize immediately and stop being whiney! It worked for most of elementary school!
When I was little, I used to suck my thumb. As I got older, my parents must have wanted this to stop, because this conversation happened while driving with my Dad (I was probably 3):Dad: Still sucking that thumb?Me: Yep!Dad: Aren’t you worried about ending up like those flamingos at the zoo?Me: Huh?Dad: Haven’t you ever noticed how they always stand on one leg? You see, they sucked their toes for so long, that they dissolved! The more they sucked, the more disappeared. Eventually they sucked their whole leg right off!Didn’t suck my thumb ever again.
Get a roomba or any robot vaccum. Tell the kids it will eat their toys if they don’t clean up after they play. It works wonders but I’ll probably have to pay for therapy in the future…
If they are cranky, put them in water.I have teenagers, this is still the method that I use. Even having them wash their hands or face does wonders.To be fair, I do it with my husband too. So really, I guess it’s just works for humans.
Not a parent, but I worked at a daycare. Instead of saying “no” all of the time when they are younger, try to say “no thank you” instead. I thought it was weird when I started, but they respond to it so much better. Also, if they’re being really naughty, a firm “no” will sound more alarming and serious too.
When any of her kids (me included) would start up the endless “why?” cycle, my mom would ask us “why do you think it’s like that?” in response. More often than not, it put any one of us on the spot to have to mull something over and stop (or at least slow) the cycle.If nothing else, I think it taught me how to better word my questions to get a more effective answer. I always hated when adults would say “because I said so” when really they didn’t know any more than I did.
No a parent, but when I was a child my mom would hide her 4 glass birds (little sculptures she had) around the house. My sister and I had to look for them. We had to be very careful while looking so we didnt break them. If we broke one, we lost. If we left drawers/door/cabinets open, we lost.You would think that we could tie and each find two birds, but it never happened. We would go to mom when we gave up, and she would hide them all over again.It wasnt until I was an adult did I realize that she never hid a fourth bird. But boy did we spend a looong time looking.
My mom used a trick on me for eating broccoli.We had someone over for dinner when I was like 4 or something, and across the table I spotted…broccoli :(Before I could even say anything, my mom saw my look and exclaimed to our guest “Do you want to know an amazing fact about Caitlin?? She LOVES broccoli! It’s her absolute favorite, she must be the only kid in the world who loves it, isn’t that incredible?!” To which the guest played along and sung my praises for being ‘so grown up!’ and ‘how special is that?!’ etc etc. (I was a sucker for stuff like that)I instantly fell for it, and demanded to eat tons of the broccoli! From then on I loved it when my mom made broccoli, so I could prove how incredibly unique of a kid I was.
I told my kid her ears turn red when she tells a lie, now she covers her ears when she lies. She is almost 7 and it still works.
Not a parent but spent loads of time helping my aunt with her twins. Days at a time.I taught them ‘the cleanup song’. Pretty sure it was from Barney of all places.Eventually it got to the point where just started with ‘clean up, clean up’ and they would start putting their toys away. At two.Im probably not going to be able to have kids of my own so next best thing to being a troll mom is helping parents troll.
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If you threaten a consequence, follow through 100% of the time. Kids will test boundaries at every age, you just have to make it appropriate for their age group.“If you throw sand again we are leaving the beach “ - you must leave the beach“If you don’t clean your room no screen time tomorrow” - no screen time.The key is to make the consequences not impact you to the point that you don’t want to follow through since it will ruin your day too. A hard line to toe, but boy do boundaries and trust work.Edit: explained further belowKids will always test boundaries 100%. But that doesn’t mean you go full force consequence every time. This is different than giving a consequence every time- you can explain why you don’t want them to throw the sand first. Talk to them about why they threw it. Take them in the water for a bit. But if you threaten to leave the beach once all of those things fail, you have to follow through.A teen breaking curfew once is not a “take away your phone and computer and you’re grounded for 3 months” consequence. But maybe the 12th time is.
“Go touch your door”. It’s a minor reset that stops a behavior or ends an argument. Refusing gets upgraded to “go to room and stay”. “They usually opt quickly for the first choice thus effectively diffusing whatever behavior needed attention.
Whenever either of my toddlers was crying or whining in the car, I would point to something invisible out the window and say “hey! do you see that over there?!” By the time they realized they couldn’t figure out what I was pointing at, they’d forgotten the reason they were whining. Amazing how many times that worked.
When I had bad dreams my parents would “take” them from my head and theatrically “place” them in an empty Kleenex box. No more bad dreams, they’re safely tucked away where facial tissues once were.
My mum used to tell me that my future husband will look like the leftovers on my plate. So I always finished every grain of rice and every bit of sauce on my plate, because I wanted my husband to look handsome and spotless. Sometimes I cried when I have chicken bones left, but my mom assured me that chicken bones don’t count.
When my children were really little, I used to have a hard time keeping them in bed at bedtime. I don’t know where I got the idea, maybe it was Super Nanny, but I told them I was going to stand outside of their door until they fell asleep like good children.I would stand just outside of their closed door after kissing them goodnight, and after about 5 minutes I would slide my slippers off leaving them at the door so if you peaked underneath it still looked like I was standing there. Worked for years! Kids never caught on.I confessed to my 23yr old daughter a couple of months back because her boyfriend has little ones. She was completely blown away. She still to that day believed I was standing outside of their door every night before I went to bed myself.
My mom loved playing the Playstation, and I being the stubborn kid used to disturb her! To prevent me from spoiling her “groove”, she used to give me the unplugged joystick and convince me we were playing a two player game!! Just to ensure I was still stuck in the trap, I used to hear “Yes honey! That’s how you play it! Mumma lost to you….” and “Good job, now jump jump jump….yes….you won yayyyy”, on a timely basis. This went on for four long years -_-It was such an EPIC lie….I later used it on my younger sister XD
My 3yo daughter sometimes doesn’t want to climb the stairs to our room and wants me to carry her, sayin “Don’t know how to climb.“When she does it I say “Show me how you don’t know.” and she climbs few steps to show me how she can’t. We repeat that until she’s upstairs.“How come you climbed it all if you don’t know how?” i ask afterwards.“I guess I knew.” she answers. …:)
Dennys is where I teach them restaurant etiquette. Zero pressure & light on the wallet.
My mother told me that spinach would make me strong like popeye and if i ate it i could lift the house. I would have a few spoonfulls and then she’d rush outside with me and i’d try and lift the house, squeezing my eyes shut with the effort. She’d go “It moved! It moved! Quick, eat some more!” and i’d run back inside and finish it off.Edit: Bonus semi related story, she made me a superman outfit and i jumped off the porch believing i could fly and hurt myself. Now she may not have directly lied and told me the suit could make me fly but i feel like her giving it to me without telling me i couldn’t makes her responsible.
Instead, try telling your children that what they’re actually doing is fighting the crimes of dust and grime! They’ll be regular dirt devils in no time — I can guarantee it.
Whenever my son goes to have a snack or a treat I tell him. “Let me taste it to make sure it’s not poison”. So free bites of snacks is coolBefore anyone gets too crazy, he knows it’s not real and has actually started taking my food to make sure it’s not poison. So it worked for a while now it has begun to backfire…. like most parenting tricks.
When my daughter was 4, she decided she really wanted a horse. I told her that since horses eat money, and I don’t earn all that much, we simply couldn’t get one.She believed that horses actually ate money until she was 14. Then she called me an a***hole.In my defence, I have a cousin who has horses and given how much she spends on them, I’m convinced to this day that they do actually eat money….
As a kid my mom told me I snore in my sleep. So she knew I was faking it when I was snoring. Took me a while to catch on but when I did it was harder for her to know I was faking it.
Don’t teach them to tell time! A friend taught me this one. In the winter I got to say, “Oh, it’s dark, time for bed” whenever I wanted to. In the summer I could point to the clock and say, “I know it’s light but look, it’s still bed time.” Sure, they’ll figure it out, but it worked for a couple of years at least.
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