Finding loveisn’t easy; you have to kiss a few frogs in the process. That means going on a bad date or two. One pollfoundthat 44% of people in the dating scene have gone on so many bad dates that they don’t think they’ll ever find “the one” anymore.
To learn more about how to avoid bad and awkward dates,Bored Pandareached out to dating coach Sabrina Bendory. She walked us through some red flags people looking for love should look out for. Read her expert advice below!
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The first thing people should do, according to her, is make sure that your date is who they say they are. “Google can definitely help with that!” she adds. Second, think about whether they’re committed to the date. “Have they been saying they want to take you out but then not making a plan? Or making a plan but then canceling last minute?” If the answer is “yes,” there should be some alarm bells ringing in your head.
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Coming on too strong should also be ared flag. Bendory says that if your potential date is showering you with excessive praise without knowing you, be cautious. She tells people who are looking for love to consider questions like: “Are they trying to propel the relationship at a very quick speed?” and “Are they already planning out a future even though you haven’t even met?”
Once you’re on the date, there are some things to look out for, too. If they, again, only talk mostly about themselves, that’s probably not a good sign. “This is okay to an extent because if someone is into you then they want to impress you,” Sabrina notes. “But if it’s excessive then it means they are self-involved and possibly a narcissist. You want to make sure they are also asking questions to discover who you are.”
If there’s one golden rule to any date, it’s to not bring up your ex. Bendory says that there are a few things to look out for here. “First: are they still hung up on the ex or in love with them? Or, are they still bitter and angry? Or, do they take zero accountability for any failed relationships and just say all their exes were ‘crazy’ or ‘psycho?'”
Took her out, hardly spoke to me, and didn’t bother following up, apparently, that’s the new norm.
Sabrina is a big believer in trusting your gut. If you don’t feel comfortable around the person you’re on a date with, then it’s probably not meant to be. “It could be the way they’re looking at you, touching you, the things they’re saying,” Sabrina says. “Or maybe it’s just a vibe you’re getting… but you just don’t feel secure and at ease with this person.”
Love bombingdoesn’t just happen in long-term relationships. It can happen during a first or second date. If a person is saying things like “I’ve never felt this way before” or “I feel like I could marry someone like you,” it’s a bad sign. “Healthy relationships build slowly and a rushed pace is usually a red flag,” Bendory explains.
The dating coach also advises looking out for too much negativity and complaining. “Is the date more like a vent session where they detail everything wrong with their job, their friends, their family, and their life in general? It’s fine to share some grievances, and we all have our fair share, but if that’s all they share and if everything in their world is terrible then you probably don’t want to be a part of it,” she says.At the same time, if they’re too secretive, that’s not good either. According to Sabrina, “[If] they don’t give straight answers, you catch inconsistencies, it just seems like they are hiding something,” that’s a red flag too.
The dating coach also advises looking out for too much negativity and complaining. “Is the date more like a vent session where they detail everything wrong with their job, their friends, their family, and their life in general? It’s fine to share some grievances, and we all have our fair share, but if that’s all they share and if everything in their world is terrible then you probably don’t want to be a part of it,” she says.
At the same time, if they’re too secretive, that’s not good either. According to Sabrina, “[If] they don’t give straight answers, you catch inconsistencies, it just seems like they are hiding something,” that’s a red flag too.
I (33m) was talking to this woman on an app and we decided to meet for a coffee date on a Saturday morning.I got to the cafe and I messaged her asking where she was. A few minutes later she said she just woke up. I asked her how long she would need to get ready and she said 1 hour. I told her that I can’t wait around because I had family plans and we will have to do something another time.A week later she messaged me apologising again and I decided to give her a second chance.We decided to meet up for boba tea.I got to the boba spot and then asked for 30 more minutes to get ready after I had just got there.I then sent her the above message.AIO? I have got mixed messages from friends about it.
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Ghosting, catfishing, hookup culture: are the dating world problems the consequences of the apps? Are we experiencing so many awful dates because of the apps?Dating coach Sabrina Bendory thinks it might be more common because people have to provide less information about themselves on the apps. “It’s so easy to be bamboozled on the apps,” she admits. “People can use AI to create a whole image and perception of them that just isn’t who they are.”
Ghosting, catfishing, hookup culture: are the dating world problems the consequences of the apps? Are we experiencing so many awful dates because of the apps?
Dating coach Sabrina Bendory thinks it might be more common because people have to provide less information about themselves on the apps. “It’s so easy to be bamboozled on the apps,” she admits. “People can use AI to create a whole image and perception of them that just isn’t who they are.”
For the first time in a while I had a match on Hinge.We were hanging out for a week and decided to go for a date. Scheduled the location and time. I bought flowers, and came to Brooklyn Bridge Park.I arrived there early. I texted her 10 minutes before the meeting time. No response. I texted her 15 minutes after the meeting time. She unmatched me. No response, no message, nothing. Just removed the match. Not ideal.I’m not even sad. Just disappointed. I still followed the plan, enjoyed the sunset in the park, got some food, etc. But why would not you just text me in advance before I come? I don’t care about flowers cost, because it’s almost nothing. I don’t care about wasted time, because the weather is very nice and I wanted to go for a walk anyway. It’s more about respect and responsibility. Just be an adult and make decisions.This is still not the worst date in my life. At the worst one the girl just told me- “you have red hair. I hate red hair” and run away.Maybe I’m that ugly. I don’t know. I guess so. But this time I was using very recent photos with no editing. She knew how I look like.It’s frustrating to have just two dates in my life and both are going this way.Ps. It was surprisingly hard to get rid of flowers. I approached at least 5 people and offered them the flowers. Nobody wanted them.I was able to give flowers to a girl who was alone in the bar. She liked them and took them. But then her boyfriend (I guess) got back. Brother, sorry for interfering with your date. I tried not to approach couples.I’m just surprised that nobody wants to take flowers. Idk whether they don’t want to take them from me, or they just expect some kind of scam, but I’m just surprised, that getting rid of flowers took about 30 minutes.I guess I’m done with dating. I’m just tired of it. And I guess I don’t have chances. So, why bother. This is such frustrating experience.
“It’s also hard to gauge chemistry through someone’s dating profile,” Bendory continues. “At least, when you meet in person, you have established a baseline level of chemistry and compatibility and then you can build on that on a date.“However, when we think about it, before dating apps were a thing, people used to go on blind dates. That’s when people really used to have zero information about their date! “I imagine a lot of people had negative experiences dating that way as well!” Bendory observes.
“It’s also hard to gauge chemistry through someone’s dating profile,” Bendory continues. “At least, when you meet in person, you have established a baseline level of chemistry and compatibility and then you can build on that on a date.”
However, when we think about it, before dating apps were a thing, people used to go on blind dates. That’s when people really used to have zero information about their date! “I imagine a lot of people had negative experiences dating that way as well!” Bendory observes.
First attempt at dating after a divorce.Met her at an after work event- Latina, 23F, a lot of tattoos, seemed really nice at first and interested in me… First date was at a Mexican place, told her I was in recovery, she had two shots, figured it was first date jitters.The rest is all there… I work for the State of MI and she’s a city LEO; and yes, have a record of two DUIs from when I was 21, not proud but working on my alcoholism and toxic tendencies to be a better partner for future Mrs. Right.REALLY?! WHAT is wrong with people? I just decided to start dating again after the divorce, trying to turn my life around and these are the options?
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Matched on tinder like 3 weeks ago and have been casually talking since. We went on 1 date and I planned to take her to the state fair for our second date. Paid $100 for these fair tickets and trying to get time off for work was a huge debacle :( she seemed so nice too I’m shocked this happened, but at least we were never something official.
Everything was fine before that! And we had been talking for two weeks before this date and he has been nothing but nice! I even thought in my head at one point how it seemed like the date was going great, but then it turned left so hard I had to cut the date short ! I felt so uncomfortable him touching and talking about my features…. It’s just a dealbreaker to me especially this being the first date how zero-ed in he was on my details when I never once even went there with him.
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