Parentingmight not be a competition, but no matter how you look at it, some people are far more responsible when raising kids than others. Aside from the basics like food, clothing, a good home, and education, kids also need love, support, structure, trust, and openness to thrive.Unfortunately,not everyparent can provide this. Recently, the members of the r/AskReddit online community opened up about some very sensitive things from their past. Theysharedthe moments from their childhoods that they didn’t realize were extremely messed up until much later, when they grew up. Scroll down to see what challenges they faced when they were kids.Bored Pandagot in touch with the person who sparked the viral discussion,u/NeitherEntrepreneur3, to talk about parenting red and green flags, as well as healing from trauma. You’ll find our full interview with them below.Warning: some of these posts can be very uncomfortable to read for anyone who had a troubled upbringing or a traumatic past.This post may includeaffiliate links.
Parentingmight not be a competition, but no matter how you look at it, some people are far more responsible when raising kids than others. Aside from the basics like food, clothing, a good home, and education, kids also need love, support, structure, trust, and openness to thrive.Unfortunately,not everyparent can provide this. Recently, the members of the r/AskReddit online community opened up about some very sensitive things from their past. Theysharedthe moments from their childhoods that they didn’t realize were extremely messed up until much later, when they grew up. Scroll down to see what challenges they faced when they were kids.Bored Pandagot in touch with the person who sparked the viral discussion,u/NeitherEntrepreneur3, to talk about parenting red and green flags, as well as healing from trauma. You’ll find our full interview with them below.Warning: some of these posts can be very uncomfortable to read for anyone who had a troubled upbringing or a traumatic past.
This post may includeaffiliate links.
Still processing it because you dont hear much about a mom sexually abusing their daughter and trafficking them across state lines during roadtrips.I called a childhelp line once and they told me “moms dont r*pe their daughters”. I was 12. We had just gone over a lesson in school about abuse. I trashed my room and she beat the hell out of me, I dont remember what happened after.I told some friends of mine after I got into college. I call them my big brothers. One encouraged me to press charges but only if I wanted to. Theres a case file out there but its not like active or whatever cause I chickened out.F**k that was a lot harder than i thought.
We asked the author of the thread for their thoughts about some of the red flags that someone is probably not ready to be a parent yet. From their perspective, one sign is that the grownup believes that their wants come before their child’s needs.“When you bring a child into the world and you decide to raise it, it’s your responsibility to provide for that child. The same goes for adopted children, you made a decision to raise that kid, so making sure they have what they need is the top priority. Also, if you are in an unstable relationship before your child is born, chances are it won’t improve because you had a child,” u/NeitherEntrepreneur3 shared their thoughts with Bored Panda.The author of the thread pointed out that they don’t believe that it’s ever possible to be fully ready to be a parent. That being said, “You can at least look at your circumstances objectively and think about how your priorities in life will drastically change with a child in the mix.”
We asked the author of the thread for their thoughts about some of the red flags that someone is probably not ready to be a parent yet. From their perspective, one sign is that the grownup believes that their wants come before their child’s needs.
“When you bring a child into the world and you decide to raise it, it’s your responsibility to provide for that child. The same goes for adopted children, you made a decision to raise that kid, so making sure they have what they need is the top priority. Also, if you are in an unstable relationship before your child is born, chances are it won’t improve because you had a child,” u/NeitherEntrepreneur3 shared their thoughts with Bored Panda.
The author of the thread pointed out that they don’t believe that it’s ever possible to be fully ready to be a parent. That being said, “You can at least look at your circumstances objectively and think about how your priorities in life will drastically change with a child in the mix.”
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My dad used to like to go hunt for antiques in abandoned houses. He took me with him a couple of times. Turns out the houses were only abandoned between 8-5pm M-F.EDIT: my top comment ever is about being a 4th grade B&E man!
Not showing physical affection to your children. I don’t remember being hugged, kissed, or told “I love you”. I probably needed it. I make sure to do that with my daughter every day. I don’t care if we’ve had a bad day, that kid is going to know how loved she is.
On the flip side, for u/NeitherEntrepreneur3, some of the biggest parenting green flags include a sense of personal responsibility, honesty, and good communication. Being involved in their lives is a must! “Go to their games, school open houses, plays, recitals. If you can’t be there, communicate to your children why. If you have limited resources financially, consider your child’s needs, as in absolutely need this, before you consider your own wants and desires,” they said.“Tell your kids you are proud of them, build them up instead of tearing them down. Do this from a young age. I say this all from personal experience. Finally, be honest with your children. From a young age all the way to adulthood, kids are smarter than you might think. They can figure out if you’re lying because they likely know you better than you know yourself. If you lie to them, and they find out, they’ll keep that in their minds and it can create distrust in your relationship.”
On the flip side, for u/NeitherEntrepreneur3, some of the biggest parenting green flags include a sense of personal responsibility, honesty, and good communication. Being involved in their lives is a must! “Go to their games, school open houses, plays, recitals. If you can’t be there, communicate to your children why. If you have limited resources financially, consider your child’s needs, as in absolutely need this, before you consider your own wants and desires,” they said.
“Tell your kids you are proud of them, build them up instead of tearing them down. Do this from a young age. I say this all from personal experience. Finally, be honest with your children. From a young age all the way to adulthood, kids are smarter than you might think. They can figure out if you’re lying because they likely know you better than you know yourself. If you lie to them, and they find out, they’ll keep that in their minds and it can create distrust in your relationship.”
My dad once took me into downtown LA to make me sit next to some homeless guys while berating me for getting a bad grade. He said I was gonna grow up to be just like them, lazy, poor, and stupid. A random guy in a business suit had to pull him to the side to tell him that what he was doing was abusive and would not give him the result he was looking for.
We asked u/NeitherEntrepreneur3 what advice they’d give someone who has suffered a traumatic childhood, to help them heal, recover, and move on. They were kind enough to share their thoughts on this. “Things that happened to you in childhood might leave both physical and mental wounds. Wounds can heal, but sometimes they leave scars. You are not the same person as you were before you got scarred. And just like physically, some mental wounds never fully heal,” they said.“You may suffer from these issues for the rest of your life. There may not be such a thing as ‘closure’ or resolution. Some things just go on. But you have to realize that you survived something traumatic and have to celebrate the battles you win when you can. It’s a harsh truth to realize, but some things will never get easier over time. You simply have to accept it, live with it, and endure.”
We asked u/NeitherEntrepreneur3 what advice they’d give someone who has suffered a traumatic childhood, to help them heal, recover, and move on. They were kind enough to share their thoughts on this. “Things that happened to you in childhood might leave both physical and mental wounds. Wounds can heal, but sometimes they leave scars. You are not the same person as you were before you got scarred. And just like physically, some mental wounds never fully heal,” they said.
“You may suffer from these issues for the rest of your life. There may not be such a thing as ‘closure’ or resolution. Some things just go on. But you have to realize that you survived something traumatic and have to celebrate the battles you win when you can. It’s a harsh truth to realize, but some things will never get easier over time. You simply have to accept it, live with it, and endure.”
My mom using me as a confidant/therapist from the age of 12 to 21. When I told her at 13 that I was depressed, all I got in response was “what do you want me to do about it?” Then proceeded to scream at me and call me lazy whenever I was having a depressive episode. Even now as an adult, I feel guilty for sitting around and not doing anything. I constantly feel like I have to do or clean something in order to feel productive. Took me years to let my brain and body rest when it needs it.
My parents were always pretty abusive. Mentally and physically. One particular instance sticks out in my head.My dad beating my as when I was in grade 2 or 3 (i said 4 originally but that was a different as whooping also with a hockey stick). Made me kneel on tile for hrs and beat me with an aluminum hockey stick for close to 2hrs (i only know the time interval because of my friends). I screamed so loud, my friends all sat outside the side of my house crying.After my dad went to bed, he told me to not move so I stayed kneeling on the hard tile floors all night crying. No sleep that night.The next day, both my legs from my hips to my ankles were completely black and blue. I couldn’t walk for several days after.It was just normal for me and I didn’t realize the extent of all the a*s whoopings until I was a teenager.I tell my wife some of them and she cries every time lol I only laugh because man, to be raised where child abuse wasn’t normal is literally unbelievable.
Children naturally look to theauthority figuresin their lives to get a sense of what’s right or wrong. However, someone who grows up in a dysfunctional household might not fully be aligned with societal and cultural values. In other words, what they think is completely ‘normal’ at home would shock others if they ever found out.Both over-involvement and under-involvement can have very negative consequences. Helicopter parents who never let their kids off their (metaphorical) leash can hurt their confidence and independence in the future. On the other hand, absent parents can make their munchkins feel isolated, unsupported, and as though they are worth less than others.
Children naturally look to theauthority figuresin their lives to get a sense of what’s right or wrong. However, someone who grows up in a dysfunctional household might not fully be aligned with societal and cultural values. In other words, what they think is completely ‘normal’ at home would shock others if they ever found out.
Both over-involvement and under-involvement can have very negative consequences. Helicopter parents who never let their kids off their (metaphorical) leash can hurt their confidence and independence in the future. On the other hand, absent parents can make their munchkins feel isolated, unsupported, and as though they are worth less than others.
That’s it’s not normal for moms to leave on vacation for 2 weeks and leave their 12 year old in charge of their 9 year old at home alone.
Healthlinewarnsthat parents who provide no discipline at home leave their kids to fend for themselves. This, in turn, eventually creates adults who don’t understand boundaries.On the flip side, parents who are overly enthusiastic about discipline at home can make their children feel fearful or rebellious.Something that no parent should ever do is withdraw their affection or attention. It’s harmful for kids if they believe that their parents’ love is conditional.
Healthlinewarnsthat parents who provide no discipline at home leave their kids to fend for themselves. This, in turn, eventually creates adults who don’t understand boundaries.
On the flip side, parents who are overly enthusiastic about discipline at home can make their children feel fearful or rebellious.
Something that no parent should ever do is withdraw their affection or attention. It’s harmful for kids if they believe that their parents’ love is conditional.
Being punished with isolation for having negative emotions.
I was born with cerebral palsy and used a walker as a child, this required me to hold on the walker to stand up and walk. All the way up till the 7th grade, they made me play all the sports in gym class (basketball, volleyball, badminton, etc). I was never told of wheelchair sports, nor was I ever offered an alternative to the sport we were practicing that week. As a consequence I have hated most sports until I became an adult and found that I could just watch on the sidelines far away from the ball and most harm that could befall me and enjoy the spectical. As an adult, I’ve come to realize that this means multiple gym teachers over the span of 6 years set me up to fail over and over and over again.
When I was about 7, my mom didn’t let me in the apartment one day after school. She just opened the door a few inches and stuck her head out. She had me give her my violin and book sack and told me to go play. She shut the door and I went and played.I always thought it was weird, but I never gave it more than two thoughts. One day, my much older brother casually said “don’t you remember when Mom was a prostitute?”Yeah, that was a little bit of a shock. Almost up there with her wanting me to take a nude photo of her with my birthday present, the newly released Polaroid One Step camera.I guess you could say there were signs.
Parenting is a huge responsibility. The adults in kids’ lives set the example for what is and isn’t acceptable. Ifdone wrong, your kids can grow up anxious, depressed, aggressive, struggling at school and work, facing problems connecting with others, and dealing with serious self-esteem issues.That’s why authoritative parenting is so powerful. Parents who communicate clearly, take their kids’ feelings into account, are emotionally available, and provide clear consequences for misbehavior are doingthings right.When your children have a good balance of support and structure in their lives, they grow up to be confident, independent adults who excel in their studies, build strong relationships, and are healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Parenting is a huge responsibility. The adults in kids’ lives set the example for what is and isn’t acceptable. Ifdone wrong, your kids can grow up anxious, depressed, aggressive, struggling at school and work, facing problems connecting with others, and dealing with serious self-esteem issues.
That’s why authoritative parenting is so powerful. Parents who communicate clearly, take their kids’ feelings into account, are emotionally available, and provide clear consequences for misbehavior are doingthings right.
When your children have a good balance of support and structure in their lives, they grow up to be confident, independent adults who excel in their studies, build strong relationships, and are healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally.
My Dad left shortly after I was born. I’d sometimes see him at weekends if he was sober enough to turn up. When I was 11 he told me he didn’t want to come see me anymore as that means driving and that means being sober (or not getting caught drink driving) He told me he would pay for train tickets and I could go to see him. So from age 11 I used to catch the train on a Friday afternoon from Nottingham into London then get the under ground then another train out to Essex. Where my dad would encourage me to drink and send me home drunk on a Sunday evening. At the time I just thought I was cool and independent.
“I watch a lot of AskReddit videos on YouTube, and most of them lean towards horror or weird things people have seen. It got me thinking about if I’d ever witnessed anything creepy or messed up, and I realized that some of my childhood memories are a bit ‘traumatic’ as some people have told me! This example was just one of those things that I had completely forgotten about until watching those videos on YouTube,” u/NeitherEntrepreneur3 explained how they got the inspiration to create the thread in the first place.
In October 2001, my fam and I went to Disneyworld. I was 6 years old, my brother was 1. One night, we’re at some restaurant in the park, and I get chicken fingers and fries. For whatever reason, I didn’t finish my dinner. My dad was b*tching to my mom about how I wasn’t finishing the expensive chicken fingers (I have no idea how much the chicken fingers and fries cost on the kids menu, but it can’t be more than $30 in 2001 I’m guessing).Anyway, my dad leaves the table for about 5 minutes, comes back and whispers to me “hey [name], I just saw a little boy sitting outside the kitchen missing his fingers. They were all bloody. I asked him what happened, and he said the chef cut’s off little boy’s fingers if they don’t eat their chicken fingers.” He then said that the chef told him that they turn little boy’s fingers into chicken fingers.I was absolutely terrified. I didn’t want to have my fingers cut off. We left the restaurant, and I wouldn’t let go of my last chicken finger. I held onto that damn thing during the nightly fireworks over the castle, it was all I could think about. I refused to let my mom take the chicken finger out of my hand, I thought if I threw it away that the chef was gonna come cut off my fingers in the night.Finally I had to go to the bathroom that night and my mom threw away the chicken tender. I completely forgot about that until last week and it just hit me with that feeling of “wtf.”P.S., my brother and I haven’t had a relationship with our dad for several years (not because of the chicken tenders lol) but because he wasn’t really that great of a dad and has a 2nd family. Is it any wonder I’ve had chronic anxiety since I was around 5?
Having an older brother that emotionally and physically abused me. My family was very much ‘all siblings fight it’s normal’ about all of the things he would do. He’s now 23 and recently diagnosed as having antisocial personality disorder.
Apparently most parents don’t just have a stick lying around somewhere on every floor that they primarily use to beat their kids with.
Which of the stories shared in this list left the biggest impact on you, dear Pandas? What are some childhood experiences that left a deeply negative effect on you? Were there any experiences that you saw with fresh eyes once you grew up?
That I was expected to care for my little brother who was 8 years younger than me and my grandma with dementia. My dad worked long hours and my mom worked in the basement all day. During the summer I cooked, cleaned and took care of everything while they worked. Even gave my grandma insulin shots and changed her adult diapers. This started at age 12 and went until I was 15. That’s f****d up.
Does being a teen count as being part of my childhood? Being 14 and men in their 20s driving slowly behind me and asking me out or waiting outside my school and following me after school. I was so flattered back then. I know how gross it is now. Or when I was 16 and we were in a community picnic of hundreds of people and a group of guys in their early 20s thinking it was funny when they waited outside the bathroom for me and my friend and one of them hugging me from behind and grabbing my breasts while the the rest of the group laughed. Some of these guys I’ve known for a while too. And honestly I didn’t realize how much sexual abuse I went through until I was an adult. Some of the abuse was as early as maybe 3 or 4 years old.
That every time I left the house I smelled like an ashtray because my parents were such heavy smokers. I’m 75 and never smoked. They died at 55/70 from emphysema. Don’t smoke! Or at the very least, not around your kids.
It took me until I was 37 to understand how unhealthy my relationship was with my mother. My whole life she treated me as a friend not her child. My counselor called it parental emotional molestation. The woman is an alcoholic. I feel like I was never a kid. I became a mother at 15.
My parents fighting all the time. Like yelling-level fighting.My parents thinking it was super normal to raise me in a cult. They showed me pictures of Armageddon with fireballs coming down from the sky and killing everyone that wasn’t in our specific, tiny meaningless religion. Even all my friends from school.My dad having no interest in spending time with us. He would purposefully work as much as possible so he didn’t have to be home. We tried getting into mustangs and Led Zeppelin just so we’d have something to talk to him about.
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My father making me choose if I would stay with him or my mom. When I was 5. I normally stayed with him and would visit my mom on the weekends. This is after our place burned down and I was sent to live with my grandparents for a while. When my dad came back to pick me up, he and my mom were no longer together and I got no explanation, just a statement of fact.I’m a father myself, and both my parents died last year. I’ve gotten more details over the years and the realization that I chose the wrong parent so many years ago is one of those things that can just make you think….
I don’t think mine is as messed up as others but when my parents got divorced my parents split me and my siblings up. Dad got my older siblings and my mom got me and my brother. My mom moved to a state over and I didn’t really meet my dad until I was 5? I always thought my stepdad was my dad lol (we aren’t the same ethnicity either) I always thought all divorced parents split their kids up and couldn’t live in the same state lol.
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Thanksgiving when I was 7. My parents were getting a divorce and it was supposed to be the first time we did a holiday at two separate houses. Instead, my father took my sister and I up to the Stanley Hotel in Estes Park Colorado for 4 nights where we hung out at the bar (they had Pac Man that was in the table!), played on the lawn in the snow, and read a lot of books. It is still one of my favorite Thanksgivings ever. Or…..My parents were in a contentious custody battle and my mother was losing her mind. She threatened him with the old “If I can’t have them nobody will,” so he kidnapped us for the weekend. My now-stepmother was the only one who knew where we were, and this was the 80s so tracking people down was a lot more difficult than it is today. The police were actively looking for us back home, but nobody knew where we’d gone. We arrive back in town on Monday morning because that’s when the courts opened back up and his attorney could get it sorted out. He did a bang up job hiding this all from us for decades.
When I was 16 I went to my mom because I was so anxious and experiencing near constant panic attacks. I couldn’t focus at school, could barely breathe at home. I lost 12 pounds in two weeks.She told me I was just having a stomachache and I better get over it soon.Experiences like this were common and only now, at 27, am I really starting to unpack it all.
In a friends grandparent’s basement when we were 6-7, he picks up a hunting rifle, says “oh look it’s my grandpas old gun!” Points it at my chest and pulled the trigger. He had no way of knowing, but thank f**k it wasn’t loaded. It did make a loud click from being dry fired that haunts me on occasion to this day.
I had to tell my co-workers that somebody was smoking mth right outside of the back door. They asked how I know it’s mth, and I was like “I could smell it? It smelled like mth.” And the look that they gave me made me realize it probably isn’t normal that I can identify ds based on smell because of the environment I was raised in.Didn’t fully sink in how f**d it was until I smacked a friend’s vape out of their hand when they almost vaped next to my daughter. Can’t imagine my kid in the situations I was in as a kid.
There is a chance you’ll be close to a sex offender. One of my parents mutual friends was who paid particular attention to me from the age of 7-14/15. Thankfully, they never left me there unsupervised but didn’t really say anything when he’d tell me he wanted to marry me.
When I was like 5 getting in trouble deeply distressed me. My family, thinking this was funny would trick me into writing or saying swear words and then pretend I was in trouble until I cried 🙃.
Apparently a single near death experience is enough to cause a phobia or something.I thought having them was natural!
Giving your kids edibles when they’re sick and not telling them why they are freaking the f**k out.
My mum and the guy she was having an affair with “confiding” to my 5-year-old self that we would be moving to England with him for a new life. Thirty-seven years later I can still see them, off their faces with me in some motel room eating chips and drinking cans of coke.My parents had a rocky marriage that ended in divorce when I was about 10. My dad was no saint, but the older I get the more I feel like that was a really scummy thing to do. To him and me.My parents are both dead now and I wish I could talk to them about a lot of things. Guess that’s the way it goes eh.RIP MUM AND DAD.
My parents and their friends getting belligerently drunk around me as an extremely young child. Having giant parties (200+ people) at our house with massive amounts of alcohol and presumably d***s. My parents taking me to bars with them on school nights when I was too young to stay home on my own- sometimes we’d be out until midnight, and then they’d drive us home drunk.Oh and also after going deer hunting with my dad he’d let me watch him gut the deer. Watching intestines fall out of an animal you saw alive just an hour before really does something to a 8 year old.
Sexual abuse, seeing my first line of c*ke at the age of four or five (and knowing what it was), my stepdad punching a hole in the wall next to my mums head, stepdad stamping on our cat as it’s trying to get in the door pinning it down to the floor. Stepdad allowing and encouraging me to shoot an air rifle indoors at the age of six, it had a scope on it which I put my eye socket directly onto before shooting it and giving myself my first black eye. My stepdad actively encouraging my little sister to be racist and teaching her to say monkey whenever she sees a black person and the n word.As a side note my stepdad is st scared of dogs of any size even puppies due to a chihuahua bite he suffered when he was young and it’s hilarious to watch him in my black aunts house. She has gollywogs and two f***g giant pit bulls.
My parents were holistic heath freaks who didn’t believe in western medicine. I’m 31 and my life is f****d up because of what I think is undiagnosed ADHD, anxiety and severe depression.Oh and im viscerally uncomfortable with going to the doctor because hahaha conditioning.
I used to sleep with my parents up until I was around 6 years old thanks to having night terrors as a kid. During that time they had sex every weekend around the same time I would get up in the morning during the school week, 7:00 am ish. I didn’t know what they were doing so I always pretended to be asleep so I wouldn’t have to talk to them about it?They both always slept naked so I didn’t really think anything of it anyways. Safe to say though after some time I felt weird about the whole situation and moved back into my own bed.They were good parents tho lol.
I lost my virginity at 13 to a 20 year old💀.
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