When I was a child, my mom always told me to learn to do math in my head, “because you won’t always have a calculator with you!” Well, years have passed, I’m really good at mental arithmetic - but damn, the calculator on my smartphone gives me virtually no opportunity to improve in this skill.Be that as it may, from childhood, our parents instilled in us many different points of view, advice and instructions, which may have been truly useful in their time - but as adults, we understand that it is unlikely that literally following these recommendations would have benefited us. Or maybe it even does harm. So here is a selection of similar stories from the corresponding viralthread in the AskReddit community.More info:RedditThis post may includeaffiliate links.
When I was a child, my mom always told me to learn to do math in my head, “because you won’t always have a calculator with you!” Well, years have passed, I’m really good at mental arithmetic - but damn, the calculator on my smartphone gives me virtually no opportunity to improve in this skill.
Be that as it may, from childhood, our parents instilled in us many different points of view, advice and instructions, which may have been truly useful in their time - but as adults, we understand that it is unlikely that literally following these recommendations would have benefited us. Or maybe it even does harm. So here is a selection of similar stories from the corresponding viralthread in the AskReddit community.
More info:Reddit
This post may includeaffiliate links.
The need to always be productive. There is no sitting down. If you sit down you can be folding laundry, organizing something. The house must be spotless the yard must be pristine (even if there’s only one person to do all of it) and time for yourself is frivolous. Anything short of this is laziness. The ultimate sin.I’m literally sick from living that way. The guilt of self care is gut wrenching.
That the number on the scale matters.My whole life I agonized about my weight. My mom kept telling me I should weigh 120 but I could never get there. But now I’m almost 40 and I’ve finally figured it out. I can run a half marathon in under 2 hours and my mom still gets after me for my weight being over 130 at 5'4". I’m healthy and strong. The scale doesn’t matter.
Don’t talk back.I was just explaining my logic and my way of problem solving.Sorry that it sounded like disrespect but that’s your problem.And my parents wonder why I don’t share information with them anymore.Because heaven forbid your daughter share actual information with you.
No, in fact, life experience is an incredibly wholesome thing, and the ability to learn from your own and, importantly, other people’s mistakes is a skill of critical importance. But at the same time, it is important to realize something else - any generalization based on your own experience may turn out to be erroneous. For example, if for some reason you are unlucky with online dating, this in no way means that others will also be unlucky.
“You can’t always get what you want!”True Dad, but you keep forgetting the second part where if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need.
All unions are bad. (my dad).Refused to work a union job. Ended up with nothing but a life of financial struggles.He was not thrilled when I took a union job.Twenty years in a union (private sector). Good wages, vacation and traditional pension. It was not an easy job for me but at least I have something to show for it.
That I HAD to hug any family (or friends) who wanted to hug me. Everyone else’s feelings were more important than my own deep discomfort. I was constantly being forced to show physical “affection” because not doing so hurt my father’s, grandparents', and little brother’s feelings.It really got kicked into overdrive when my mother realized that other people were noticing me cringe away from even the slightest touch from her. Who knew that if you badly abuse your daughter, she’s going to flinch when you try to hug her??
“Almost any rule, any tradition and any advice from parents is nothing more than an extrapolation of other people’s life experiences,” says Irina Matveeva, apsychologist and certified NLP specialist, with whomBored Pandagot in touch for a comment here. “The only question is the volume and representativeness of the statistical sample. In other words, if the formation of some folk tradition requires the experience of thousands and thousands of people, then parental advice is often the experience of one person. And not necessarily of the same generation.”“I remember a semi-fictional story about a woman whose husband tried to find out why, when she boils sausages, she always cuts off the ends. She said that her mother taught her that way, and then, when the couple became interested and began to find out the origin of this idea, it turned out that the wife’s grandma simply had a single сasserole dish - a very small diameter."“In other words, someone else’s life experience is wonderful, but under two conditions. First, it should not clearly cause harm in changed life circumstances. Second, over time, it must necessarily be subject to critical revision,” Irina summarizes.
“Almost any rule, any tradition and any advice from parents is nothing more than an extrapolation of other people’s life experiences,” says Irina Matveeva, apsychologist and certified NLP specialist, with whomBored Pandagot in touch for a comment here. “The only question is the volume and representativeness of the statistical sample. In other words, if the formation of some folk tradition requires the experience of thousands and thousands of people, then parental advice is often the experience of one person. And not necessarily of the same generation.”
“I remember a semi-fictional story about a woman whose husband tried to find out why, when she boils sausages, she always cuts off the ends. She said that her mother taught her that way, and then, when the couple became interested and began to find out the origin of this idea, it turned out that the wife’s grandma simply had a single сasserole dish - a very small diameter."
“In other words, someone else’s life experience is wonderful, but under two conditions. First, it should not clearly cause harm in changed life circumstances. Second, over time, it must necessarily be subject to critical revision,” Irina summarizes.
I was bullied a lot growing up. I was a miserable little girl who heard “Boys you pick on you actually like you,” and “Girls who pick on you are just jealous of you.”
“What will the neighbors think???” 🙄
The whole make you finish what’s on your plate thing. Yeah I’m not hungry why you making me eat?
Another clear example is the famous advice of Thomas Edison: “Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.” Advice that sounds cool, especially considering the scale of the author’s personality - however, if you look at it, it was only suitable for one person, Edison himself. After all, the great inventor always suffered from a lack of theoretical knowledge, which he covered with an incredible number of practical experiments. Fortunately, Edison himself had enviable health and truly inhuman perseverance and efficiency.
“Never do a job unless you’re gonna do it perfectly.” Now as an adult, I’ve had to unlearn all this damaging perfectionism.
Typical religious fanatic nonsense.-My role as a girl was to prepare myself to be the best wife and mother.-CSA is the victims fault.-What I wanted didn’t matter, know your place.-There’s no point in educating girls and women.-If someone is a religious leader, they can do no wrong.
That it’s normal to have something negative to say about everyone you know as soon as you leave any sort of gathering.
That I was completely indebted to them simply because they fed me and put a roof over my head. As if that isn’t the absolute bare minimum requirement of being a parent…
That I’ll quickly succumb to illness if I go outside with wet hair.
“Everyone is more important than you.”When I was a junior in high school she once quite seriously asked my best friend why he would be friends with me because she couldn’t understand why anyone would be.
It is always my fault when something bad happens. Hence, I am still trying to quit my habit of saying sorry every time something bad happens or feeling guilty about things that went wrong.
Always think the worst it’s usually not that bad . I think they thought it was a good message but it actually made me very scared all the time if I can’t get a hold of someone I think they are dead or hurt. Or if someone is having bad day I always think it’s something I did wrong. I am trying to change trying to look at things differently.
I’ve recently realized how much of my negative self-talk is directly from my parents. Something good happens and I STILL get negativity.
That the important people in your life should read your mind and know what you want them to do without asking. Absolutely not true- you need to set boundaries, voice your concerns and desires, and communicate to get what you want. Not just expect people to do what you want and be mad when they don’t.
That I always have to explain/justify my mood if I’m in a bad or irritable or sad mood. No I don’t. Just let me be!
That when you injure yourself, it’s 100% your fault and that the immediate response is to scold you for being injured, and worry 0% about the injury for a second or two.EDIT: I remember being at the fair one time and got lost for about 10 minutes. My mom just ran crying to the car because she used to tell us that if we ever got lost, to return to the car.Pops was still looking for me when I got to the car. My mom’s first words were “your dad is gonna be pissed at you!” and yanked my f-ing ear. My dad eventually shows up and his words were “why the f**k did you get lost???”
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That I should always smile and act as though everything is good in my life to people. What happens in our family should never be shared with people outside the family. That I should never share my personal business with anyone. Never be vulnerable or let people know they’ve hurt you.Thanks for making me super stunted at making friends growing up mom. Turns out that talking to people about your life and struggles and being vulnerable forges deep relationships and is a lot healthier.In retrospect it makes sense now how mom never had friends and still has none. She was shocked to see how many friends came out for our wedding and how much they genuinely love us.
“The only people that sleep during the day are firefighters and [escorts] - and you aren’t either of those” I still can’t sleep/nap during the day. Lol Added note: The point my parents were trying to make - was sleeping during the day was lazy behavior. I didn’t have a night job (They used those two as an example) I was 10. Still stupid - yes, of course.
Don’t ever ask for help.As an adult I watched the end of “My Cousin Vinny” and realized how that had been holding me back.
Not to cry because everyone will think you are weak
The vast gulf between “adults” and “children.” I’m in my early 50s and I still think of other people as “adults.”
I can’t wear white after Labor Day.I can’t ever weigh more than 120 pounds.I can’t go swimming after a meal.I can’t do this or that because yadda yadda blah blah blah.
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Another one: “You can never stand to be a little uncomfortable.“My narcissistic mom’s way of dismissing my need for anything (food, bathroom, warmth) that would inconvenience her. I still struggle with trying to ignore my own physical needs so I’m not an inconvenience, even if I’m all alone.For example, sometimes I’ll wait until I’m almost bursting to finally use the restroom because I grew up hearing, “Can’t you hold it for a little bit longer? We’ll be there in 20 minutes,” or “You just went! How can you have to go again so soon?“The other big thing was being cold all winter long, to the point of having a constant sore throat and getting strep throat at least once or twice every winter. The cold air would make me feel like I was swallowing glass. My parents refused to let me have a space heater or an electric blanket because “it’s too expensive.“I still struggle with turning up the heat, even though I’m paying it myself. I feel guilty if anyone comes to my house, like they’re going to judge me for wasting so much money to be warm. (My normal body temperature is also below 98.6, so I get a lot colder more easily than most people do.)My parents always turned the heat off at night, no matter how cold it was. I finally realized, as an adult, that of course they weren’t cold. They could cuddle up together and stay nice and toasty. They also didn’t have sensitive throats like I do.Anyway, money was a little tight, but looking back on it now, it wasn’t that tight. We still did all the normal middle-class suburbia things. As an adult, I can’t imagine letting my child be cold or denying them a bathroom break or forcing them to eat food they hated because it would inconvenience me to tend to their needs. Some people really shouldn’t have kids.
My mom is a FIRM believer that someone out there is gonna poison Halloween candy or sneak [illegal substances] in it.She’s still fg convinced this happens.There has never once been single a corroborated case of this happening ever in the history of mankind. Never.Tootsie roll pops, smarties, Dum Dums, anything that could be easily “tampered with” we were ordered to throw in the trash. She watched us do it just to make sure and checked our candy to see if we missed any.I’m 38 years old I have my own kids who are trick-or-treat age now. [Illegal substances] are EXPENSIVE nobody is putting fg pot into the Halloween cookies. Jail really sucks nobody is sneaking cyanide into the f*****g blow pops.
You must deep clean the entire house a day before guests come over. (So it’s freshly cleaned)So any family gathering, visiting for the weekend, family dinners, etc….bleach everything, baseboards, kitchen grout, dust ceiling fans/vents, do all the laundry, etc. We talking hands and knees scrubbing.We “spring cleaned” every month if not more.It’s crazy how people can actually visit a lived-in home where maybe the couch hasnt been vacuumed in the last week, or the porch hasn’t been swept. People really don’t care how clean the inside of your fridge is or if you wiped down the garbage can.I still do it to this day, but not as neurotic.
That if you’re yourself everyone will leaveMy folksThey are afraid of themselvesI love my weird tribe of chosen family
You just have to suck it up. Life’s hard.But I shouldn’t have to just stay quiet though. I should be able to speak up and let someone know when I don’t like something or disagree with it.
“It’s not worth the risk”So much life missed out on not taking a small risk…and I’m not talking about skydiving…more like going into the city late at night to see your favorite band play “you might get mugged, it’s not worth the risk”
They insisted socks should always match. Turns out, mismatched socks bring a bit of rebel flair to life. haha
That they “have eyes on the back of their head” so basically to say they’re always watching me especially when I was little so I wouldn’t do something bad. I’ve never seen their extra eyes so I’m going with ridiculous.
Don’t complain
You can’t eat warm food for breakfast
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