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Saying “Blood is thicker than water” expecting us to allow a toxic relative back into our lives and putting up with it. Not setting healthy boundaries in other words. It stopped with me.
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Thinking your very shy kid will get less shy if you keep shaming it for being „too quiet“.
Breaking news: there’s no such thing as a perfectly informed generation of people. Not us, not you, not anyone else. We allmake mistakes. To err is human, after all. The boundaries of scientific knowledge are being pushed every single day. Thanks to that, we have made technological progress and learned more about the world we live in. But the price is having to update our collective understanding of how things work in physics, biology, economics, psychology, parenting, etc.Not everyone gets the memo. Staying up-to-date with leaps in science takes a lot of time and energy. For example, these days, it seems obvious to many of you that smoking is harmful or that consuming too much sugar is a surefire way to wreck your health. That wasn’t always the case.
Breaking news: there’s no such thing as a perfectly informed generation of people. Not us, not you, not anyone else. We allmake mistakes. To err is human, after all. The boundaries of scientific knowledge are being pushed every single day. Thanks to that, we have made technological progress and learned more about the world we live in. But the price is having to update our collective understanding of how things work in physics, biology, economics, psychology, parenting, etc.
Not everyone gets the memo. Staying up-to-date with leaps in science takes a lot of time and energy. For example, these days, it seems obvious to many of you that smoking is harmful or that consuming too much sugar is a surefire way to wreck your health. That wasn’t always the case.
Be nice to everyone, even when they’re cruel to you. That will make them feel bad for being mean to you.No. No, now people just mistake my kindness for stupidity and try to walk all over me.
Downplaying mental health. I was told to ignore my bullies, which got me nowhere but wanting to stay home “sick” all the time in junior high. When I asked for counseling I was told I didn’t need it.
Sticking it out in a marriage with someone who doesn’t respect you and betrays youSo many older women and men look down on divorcing over cheating or emotional abuse and blame them for ‘breaking up’ their families completely glossing over the fact that the abuser is the one who broke up the family.You shouldn’t have to make a marriage work with someone who makes you unhappy just because you have kids.
In the 1930s and 1940s, US cigarette companies onceused doctorsto promote smoking. Meanwhile, back in the 1960s, Big Sugarpaid scientiststo blame fat for health problems to keep the sugar industry profitable.It’s easy to believe something that gets repeated often (hello, illusory truth effect) and appeals to experts’ authority. The reality is that where huge profits are involved, the science involved can frequently get murky. That’s why it’s so important to weigh the reliability of any source and consider any agendas researchers might have. Double-check any info that seems too good or bad to be true.
In the 1930s and 1940s, US cigarette companies onceused doctorsto promote smoking. Meanwhile, back in the 1960s, Big Sugarpaid scientiststo blame fat for health problems to keep the sugar industry profitable.
It’s easy to believe something that gets repeated often (hello, illusory truth effect) and appeals to experts’ authority. The reality is that where huge profits are involved, the science involved can frequently get murky. That’s why it’s so important to weigh the reliability of any source and consider any agendas researchers might have. Double-check any info that seems too good or bad to be true.
My siblings and I literally were not allowed to have an opinion that differed from my parents. I remember one day my mom told me, “if I tell you the sky is black, you look at me and tell me yes ma’am” essentially saying we aren’t allowed to disagree with her!My siblings and I ALL suffer from decision paralysis and anxiety and I really believe it’s linked to how we literally were never allowed to think for ourselves without it being diSrESpEcTfuL.
Putting up with abuse from family because family.
Going to work sick, basically putting work first at all times.
The same inquisitive skepticism should hold true whether you’re talking about hard scientific knowledge or more social things like parenting trends. Relying on gossip, social pressure, and potential misinformation to inform your decisions isn’t the best idea.
Out of the four main parenting styles, an authoritative approach trumps authoritarian, permissive, and uninvolved ones.
Thinking you’re supposed to raise your kids the same way that you despised your parents raising you like. I don’t get the reasoning behind that.“Well that’s the way I was raised.“Yeah, so you should get it. It sucked and is a terrible idea.
What do your parents think is completely normal that you don’t agree with, Pandas? What do you personally think the younger generations believe now that will becompletely outdatedin the near future?
I don’t spank/smack/hit my kids.My four year old SCREECHED she hated me for a what felt like a solid hour. In reality it was five minutes. My solution? I picked her up and hugged her. Took deep steadying breaths to regulate hers and calm her down and told her no matter what that I loved her. After a minute she settled in my arms, apologized for yelling and saying she hates me and we continued on with our day.My first instinct was just smack her mouth/butt like what would have happened to me if I said that to my parents. So I did the exact opposite. I was not treated with respect regarding my emotions as a child and it has taken A LOT of self searching and therapy to help me cope and understand that as an adult.
I go first.Blind obedience towards elders and authorities. Example my dad told me not to take time off work to visit him when he’s in the hospital because it will leave a bad impression on my boss. I don’t want a boss who judges me for visiting my father in a hospital.Of course, I’m not saying we shouldn’t be respectful, but we should be respectful of everyone, regardless of age, position, or any other variable.
Going through my things without asking, like looking through my drawers or checking my phone. They say it’s just because they care, but to me, it feels like a lack of trust and privacy. Nowadays, I can’t imagine doing that to anyone, even if it’s out of concern.
Racism. My parents are in their 70’s and definitely from “a different time”. (God, I hate that excuse).
Being compelled to answer the phone if it rings.
Openly mocking your spouse, the “Wife bad” mentality.My father and his friend got together and were talking about how their partners were stupid for liking a YouTube smoothie guy and how stupid women were and it was just really sad to see.Like if I thought someone was a moron and I didn’t agree with their views and we fought all the time and I was miserable with them, I would just…. Not date or marry them. I can’t imagine openly mocking my partner to my friends. I love and cherish him. I’ve been in relationships that made me miserable and I have no desire to do that again, i’d rather be single.I just do not get it .
Alternative medicine. No mom, you can’t call a guy who can remotely heal your burn wound.
Treating your daughters different than your sons, and playing favoritism with certain kids.Example 1: My mom couldn’t even drive me to school to complete my high school diploma after we moved in the middle of my sophomore year to another side of town, yet my grown a*s almost 25 year old brother (who isn’t even in college) lives and works with her and enjoys daily rides to work as well as the gym these days.Example 2: My Dad bought all 5 of his kids cars when they came of age except me. I was one of 6 at the time on his side, and he went on to have 3 more. He also bought his dg addict girlfriend at the time a new SUV. I caught the bus until I joined the military and saved up for a lemon, and then a slightly better lemon to get me to graduation.The sheer resentment that I have for both my parents till this day is sad. I hope this goes away soon with age. Not everyone deserves kids, but no kid deserves to feel less than or not good enough. That st 100% effects you in adulthood until you learn how to silence it.
Not talking about any negative emotions. They could handle me being happy but anytime I was sad, upset, depressed? Nope, they didn’t want to see it/deal with it. My mom would even say, “What the hell do you have to be so upset about?”Also, not showing affection or saying I love you. Years ago, my brother was admitted to the hospital. We didn’t know what was wrong with him and it was scary. I had been crying and my dad was very upset, too. As we were walking out of the hospital together, I went to reach for his hand. I thought it would be comforting, a sign that I would be there for him. He ripped his hand away from mine so fast. I was stunned and never tried to do that ever again.
A college degree is everything. Sure, it’s important. But degrees are generally extremely specific nowadays. Years ago I got a side job to pay off debts in the dining hall of a retirement home. When I told my parents this in passing conversation, my dad scoffed and said I should have applied to RUN the entire facility. Um, the current director has a MASTERS in management with an emphasis in geriatric care. My degree in X would never even get me an interview.
Being 4 hours early to the airport, i think everyone can relate here.
Drinking and Driving, my friends' parents would pick me up with a scotch on the rocks! Ashtrays full of smokes!
They don’t accept a person getting married before their elder siblings. My dad said that he wouldn’t look at my face ever again if I do that, and that I would only be a shame for them. Well, guess we’ll have a problem there. Cause my elder brother is against marriage. Not that I care about my dad threatening to never show respect to me ever again, he never did, anyways :D.
Spanking.I am actually estranged from my parents and relatives over this issue as my mother wanted me to spank my son with a paddle when his ADHD was diagnosed and we did not spank him at all. I was spanked religiously as a child, to the point where a family therapist we went to when I was 13 or 14 told my mother to try spanking me MORE. (this would have been in 1988 or 89) but my mother does not consider it abuse, which I do, and as a result she thinks I believe I was abused and refuses to talk to me.
Keeping batteries in the fridge.My parents still do this. Apparently this was a belief from a long time ago that batteries would last longer if they are kept in the fridge. But I can’t get it out of their mind that the batteries shouldn’t be in the fridge.
Finishing everything on your plate before you’re allowed to get up from the table. Causes overeating, and promotes an unhealthy relationship with food. If we had chosen to have kids, I would never ask this of my kids, and if they hated a side option or main option, I would simply make something else for them. I say this as a person with bad food sensory issues and a very unhealthy relationship with food (and fear of new foods). I was dx with autism recently, and it makes me irate I was forced to shove food in my pockets to hide it or feed it to the dog so I could get up from the table.
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Waiting until marriage for sex.
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Making kids hug family members just because they are family.
Not my parents but a lot of friend’s parents: being rude to service workers. Yeah, they’re there to help you but they don’t work for you nor are they your servants.
Calling me out of the blue and being upset when I don’t answer. I don’t get this one because they grew up in a time where it was perfectly normal to not have caller ID and not have an answering machine (I myself did, in fact) - if you called and I wasn’t home and within earshot of someone calling for me, you didn’t speak to me until I call you back (assuming you also are available) at that time. But we didn’t get upset over it, unless it was the 3rd or 4th time in a row. Phone tag.Now I get the worst of both worlds: unexpected calls and frustration when I don’t pick up. Just text me to ask if I can chat. Otherwise, I assume it’s an emergency; no one calls out of the blue unless it is.
Considering yelling, screaming and violent acts of anger normal.So many older couples joke about their wives hitting them if they are home late from the bar, joking about how their husband threw their phone at the wall when he was pissed off like it’s funny.I had an older lady at work I tell me how she picked up a bbq chicken for a quick dinner and her husband threw it at the wall because he was sick of eating chicken, she laughed and said he’s just a character.Honey, he’s not a character he’s an a*****e.
Treating children as if they are an extension of themselves instead of as fully functioning entities with their own wants, needs, desires and dreams.I will NEVER invalidate my son’s feelings and experiences the way mine were and continue to be.
Just overall living standards. The house is breaking down. Parts of the ceiling missing, mold growing, ants all over. Nothing I do or say convinces them it shouldn’t be like this. They like to give me the “when you have kids we’ll watch em” and in my mind I’m like yeah, definitely not here.
Being able to retire early on your savings.
We never said I love you. Which is really strange because my parents were wonderful loving people, and I always felt very loved, but we just never said the words.
Screaming at each other over literally any conflict, no matter how minor.Getting out of the car and walking home like an idiot.Sharing all the bad s**t your spouse does with your kid instead of, I don’t know, keeping a lid on it like an adult! And just talking directly to your spouse.Jesus, the stress.
Growing up we had a sock basket and after every load came out of the dryer the socks were just thrown into the basket. It was up to you to find two matching socks when you needed. It wasn’t until I moved and started doing my own laundry that I started pairing socks and putting them in a drawer.
My mother has this unbelievably crazy system for sorting colors for laundry. It’s not just whites, lights, and darks. It seems like every color of the rainbow gets a pile. Also, everything goes in the dryer.
Gossiping about everyone.
Waiting an absurdly long amount of time before seeking medical treatment.
Steaming my vegetables only. That’s the only way my mother cooked vegetables until I showed her that I saute. Now she sautes vegetables.
Driving really short distances. Its not that strange that I’d rather walk 20 minutes than drive for 5. Parking and fuel are expensive.
Going to church.
Corporal punishment for children. I actually thought it was “normal” for the majority of my childhood, but yeah, no.
Alcoholism.
In rural Midwest, we had “farm dogs”. Dogs that basically lived outside 90% of the time, and then came in during extreme weather.Of course, they had free rein of the barns and yard and stuff, but were only partially house broken.As a dog owner now, that seems so crazy to me.
My parents will go swimming anywhere that remotely resembles a beach.What if it is made of slippery rocks covered in smelly seaweed? Yup.What if the beach has sharp rocks, likely to cut your foot? Doesn’t matter.What if the beach is made of mud or clay? Believe it or not, straight to swimming.What if you need to walk through 30 yards of itchy grass? Of course, swimming will help make it less itchy.I think they’ve changed their standards after I pointed out that some family friends agreed to come swimming with us, then decided not to swim when they saw the location.To be clear, I respect their “who cares?” Attitude. However I also think that most people would agree not to swim near the town’s gross storm drainage.
Coffee pot in the bedroom.
Empathy. My parents are both very objective and I thought everyone was like that. The first time I learned about a death in someone else' family, I shrugged and said “Okay. What else is new?” because I didn’t realize the correct response was “I’m sorry to hear that”. My family would just “so and so is dead” “…cool"Or when I was invited to an elementary school birthday party, I thought money was an appropriate gift because who doesn’t like money? Turns out it’s weird to do that…
Politics. Everywhere. The news is always on. Whatever the rage bait headline is for the day is at the dinner table. I got yelled at for saying something (very surface-level and unrelated to any policy) positive about a president my parents didn’t like when I was little. I wrote a poem in elementary school about a complex political policy that my parents didn’t like and always complained about at home, having no idea what it really was and just using the buzzword title. I have to watch what I say because it can easily be misconstrued as a verbal political attack on their beliefs.I didn’t realize anyone grew up in an environment where they didn’t know their parents' political views or where having a talk about politics was a serious and eventful conversation. I didn’t have the self-awareness to realize that most kids do not (or at least did not in those less politically-charged years) in fact go around elementary school giving opinions (or more like their parents' opinions that they parrot) about buzzwords from the news. I didn’t realize that most people do not put political campaign signs in their yards. I now realize that none of this is normal, but it took until high school, when it was far too late to go back on the damage I’d done to my image in elementary and middle school.
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