Self-care is important to our mental, emotional, and physicalhealth. But somewhere down the road, it has become a mere buzzword.Content creators are teaching us about morning meditation, daily journaling, the ideal bedtime, practicing gratitude, walking, sugar detoxes, caffeine detoxes, digital detoxes—seriously, how many forms of detoxes?—and businesses are selling bath bombs, essential oils, mindfulness apps, fitness trackers, aromatherapy diffusers, weighted blankets, stress-relief candles, ambient sound machines, massage guns…Don’t get me wrong; none of these things are bad per se. It’s just that consumerism has taken over what was supposed to be a personal and meaningful habit, and now we’re being led to believe that we have to buy into the latest fad if we want to stay well.So Reddit userKendraxquinnasked people to list widespread self-care trends that they think are actually toxic. And they responded. Below, you will find some of the most popular entries and a chat we had with psychologist Lindsay Staples in between them!This post may includeaffiliate links.
Self-care is important to our mental, emotional, and physicalhealth. But somewhere down the road, it has become a mere buzzword.
Content creators are teaching us about morning meditation, daily journaling, the ideal bedtime, practicing gratitude, walking, sugar detoxes, caffeine detoxes, digital detoxes—seriously, how many forms of detoxes?—and businesses are selling bath bombs, essential oils, mindfulness apps, fitness trackers, aromatherapy diffusers, weighted blankets, stress-relief candles, ambient sound machines, massage guns…
Don’t get me wrong; none of these things are bad per se. It’s just that consumerism has taken over what was supposed to be a personal and meaningful habit, and now we’re being led to believe that we have to buy into the latest fad if we want to stay well.
So Reddit userKendraxquinnasked people to list widespread self-care trends that they think are actually toxic. And they responded. Below, you will find some of the most popular entries and a chat we had with psychologist Lindsay Staples in between them!
This post may includeaffiliate links.
Toxic positivity.“Your own thinking is the cause for all your hardships. Just think positive and all your problems will go away. If they don’t, you’re not thinking positive enough.“Congratulations, now people going through true hardships that have no or no easy solutions feel a giant amount of guilt on top of it.
“My job as a psychologist is hard sometimes. I absolutely need to take care of myself, but if one more person suggests I just take a bubble bath, I’m going to throw something.”
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Letting your children do a beauty regime. 9 year olds do not need to exfoliate, use night cream and day serum, and beg their mommie to spend $50 on special face potions and silk pillowcasesSlap some sunscreen and a big hat on them, and keep them the f**k off social media.
Any kind of “cleanse”. That’s what your liver and kidneys do.
Staples thinks of the whole thing a little differently. “Rather than a list of superficial self-care activities, I have a list of personal limits,” she shared.
“Sometimes the demands of my job cause me to compromise on these limits temporarily. But if I’m not following these personal rules of thumb for an extended period, then I am living unsustainably,” Staples added.
Mistaking things within the normal range of human emotion as mental illness.You’re supposed to feel anxious sometimes. Anger, disappointment, sadness? They’re all valid emotions you will sometimes feel.
HAES, “Healthy at every size,” has been distorted to mean you’re healthy no matter what and that’s just not true. Nobody should be fat shamed, but being overweight isn’t a healthy choice.
“Taking care of myself means being aware of what I need and being careful not to make too many compromises. So if you’re trying to bring more self-care into your life, observe what feeds you and what drains you, and name some flexible rules for yourself.““Always dragging on Monday mornings? Don’t schedule meetings then unless you really need to. Haven’t been making time for leisure and enjoyment? Start protecting Saturday afternoons and say no to extra demands unless you can name a really good reason to say yes.”
“Taking care of myself means being aware of what I need and being careful not to make too many compromises. So if you’re trying to bring more self-care into your life, observe what feeds you and what drains you, and name some flexible rules for yourself.”
“Always dragging on Monday mornings? Don’t schedule meetings then unless you really need to. Haven’t been making time for leisure and enjoyment? Start protecting Saturday afternoons and say no to extra demands unless you can name a really good reason to say yes.”
Carbs are not bad for you. Gluten is not bad for you. Calories are not evil. Dairy is not bad for you. Grains are not bad for you. Sugar is not bad for you.These things BECOME bad for you if a) you’re allergic to them or otherwise intolerant, b) it’s the only thing you eat, c) it’s ultraprocessed and not balanced out with unprocessed foods.With all this diet culture c**p people have no idea what an actual healthy, balanced diet looks like any more. Eat a mix of foods, mostly unprocessed, and don’t punish yourself for indulging in the occasional piece of cake. Hating yourself into better habits does not work.
While it may feel like we are inundated with information about what we should eat and how much we should move, there often remains a disconnect between what we know and what we do.To set ourselves up for success on our personal self-improvement journey, Staples believes there are a few strategies we can try.“One is to stop and observe the things you do to feel better in the short term that have unwanted consequences in the long term,” she said. “Those are usually the things keeping you stuck.”
While it may feel like we are inundated with information about what we should eat and how much we should move, there often remains a disconnect between what we know and what we do.
To set ourselves up for success on our personal self-improvement journey, Staples believes there are a few strategies we can try.
“One is to stop and observe the things you do to feel better in the short term that have unwanted consequences in the long term,” she said. “Those are usually the things keeping you stuck.”
“You have to love yourself before someone else will love you.” I can say from experience that sometimes you need someone else to love you first. There was a time when my girlfriend saw value in me before I saw it in myself.
That constant pressure to always look on the bright side and be positive no matter what. A friend of mine “Jessie” went through a really tough time and every time she tried to open up about how she was feeling, people just told her to “stay positive” or “look on the bright side.” instead of helping. Sometimes, it’s okay to feel down and talk about it because forcing positivity can actually make things worse.
Another strategy, according to Staples, is to take time and try to articulate your own personal values. To do that, the psychologist suggests asking yourself questions such as what goals or principles are most important to you. Is it family? Success? Compassion for others? Your own health?Then, create mini-goals around them. “Make sure your goals are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound. Don’t say ‘I’m going to stop getting takeout all the time.’ Say ‘I’m going to start going to the grocery store every Thursday and making a meal at home, and after a month I’ll see how I feel.'”
Another strategy, according to Staples, is to take time and try to articulate your own personal values. To do that, the psychologist suggests asking yourself questions such as what goals or principles are most important to you. Is it family? Success? Compassion for others? Your own health?
Then, create mini-goals around them. “Make sure your goals are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound. Don’t say ‘I’m going to stop getting takeout all the time.’ Say ‘I’m going to start going to the grocery store every Thursday and making a meal at home, and after a month I’ll see how I feel.'”
That whole ‘hustle culture’ thing. It’s like society is telling us to burn out for the sake of productivity.
Toxic Christianity.. I know far too many country club Christians who use their religious status as a way to never be wrong, to have no integrity because they were “called”, and to go fill up their cup (self care) every Sunday in an expensive outfit to then go treat people like garbage every other minute of the week.
While the beginning might be difficult, keep in mind that it takes 7 to 15 weeks to form a strong habit, andresearch showsthat the key to doing so is gradual and consistent behavior change—with incentives often providing a helpful kickstart. A gradual step progression yields higher achievement levels and lower drop-offs than an abrupt and/or overly ambitious approach.
The “how not to give a fk” nonsense. I agree, don’t give a fk what people think if you enjoy a certain type of music. But do give a f**k about how your actions affect other people. Unfortunately, it seems that many people just take it to mean “don’t care that you might hurt other people.“In order to self-care and self-love, it is important to consider what consequences your actions have on the world around you.
Mommy wine/booze culture!!! Multiple drinks every night should not be the way you destress and look after yourself!!
Waking up at 5/6am to be ultra productive as early as possible. Prioritise your sleep, guysEdit: being a morning person is different and obviously if this sleep schedule works for you then great. But what’s toxic is that it’s pushed that waking up as early as possible is the best thing for everyone to be doing which is not true.
A popular self-care trend that’s actually toxic is constantly practicing ‘cutting off’ anyone who doesn’t agree with you. Sometimes, it’s important to have tough conversations, even if they’re uncomfortable. Isolating yourself from any criticism doesn’t help with personal growth.😌.
Self-prioritization to the extent that it morphs into main character syndrome or some other sort of extreme selfishness.Other people matter too and I think we often need reminders of that.
Selfdiagnosing ADHD, OCD all those kinds of things. Lets leave that to the professionals. Feeling a bit of chaos in your head sometimes does not automatically make you have adhd.
Neglecting sleep to get ahead in school or your career. Not getting enough sleep will catch up to you.
Therapy speak as a whole. People parrot it with no real understanding and next thing it’s being misused and abused everywhere. Words like “triggered” and “boundaries” do my head in. They both mean something very important and significant, but they don’t mean what the internet uses them as.
The Law of Attraction.No one wants cancer, depression or a s****y spouse.Stop telling people they can solve these things with positive thinking.Do the therapy, take the meds, he’s not going to change!
I swear to God. The blatant selfishness I’ve seen under the guise of “protecting your boundaries”.Yes, boundaries are important, but sometimes you should show up even when you’re not in the perfect mood. Sometimes you should do the favor without keeping score. And sometimes you should have the uncomfortable conversation even though you’d rather stick your head in the sand to protect your peace.I completely forgot where I read/saw/heard this but it was something along the lines of “These people are going to end up with perfect boundaries and no friends” and that rang so true for me.
Obsessively tracking every detail of your health can lead to more stress than benefits.
Only doing things that feel good or spark joy. Sometimes for your own long term health and future you must do things that aren’t super duper fun.
Every fad diet ever.
Conflating “beauty culture” with self care. Patriarchy and capitalism convincing you to obsess over wrinkles showing, etc and making you engage in a million step beauty routine is not healthy or actually Caring for yourself, it’s actually unhealthy for your mind and body .. and wallet.
Avoiding difficult conversations in the name of positive vibes.
Thinking so highly of yourself that constructive criticism appears to be hateful.
Insisting that self-care needs to be solitary and cost money. For most people, the self-care they really need is quality time with friends, family, and community, not buying some c**p to put on your face while you’re alone in the tub.Don’t get me wrong, I’m an introvert and alone time keeps me sane, but I don’t know if I’ve ever seen people celebrate “self-care” as being social.
Too much retail therapy/little treat culture. Obviously sometimes buying yourself something nice or getting a little treat because you did something great or had a bad day is fine and good. You can’t just constantly deprive yourself. But there’s a fine line between “I had a bad day, gotta get a Starbucks/cave in and buy that thing I’ve been looking for” and coffee out every day and a constant stream of Amazon boxes full of trinkets you don’t truly desire coming to the house. I’ve seen people put themselves into bad financial situations or turn into borderline hoarders because “I deserve a little treat” but it’s literally every day.
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Not sure if it’s popular anymore, but those 10-step skincare routines.Unless you actually know what products work for your skin AND actually find using like 10 products relaxing, you should use less. Otherwise, its a waste of money, waste of time, and could create more problems than fix them. Less is More, and it’s better to focus on the efficiency of one product at tackling one of your skin’s needs.
Ozempic and the like for people who do not have type 2 diabetes and/or morbid obesity. Those d**g have some very nasty side effects, and they don’t always go away when the person stops taking them.
Acupuncture and chiropractory.It’s fine if it helps you relax, but that pseudoscience is just that.
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Giving kids iPads and iPhones at young ages. My cousins did this with all 3 of their kids. They are all literally in their teens now and I swear I’ve never had a conversation worth remembering with any of them.They are my family but they are 3 little super socially awkward pasty white weirdos. Sat there and played chess on the iPad on Christmas Day ALL day. The youngest one has an interest in rocks and fossils so at least that’s something lol.
Productivity as self worth and the constant pursuit of efficiency. It starts to feel like an obligation rather than self care. There’s so much pressure to optimize- and it IS toxic.
I think some people cut others out of their lives instead of learning how to navigate complex emotions and situations. Sometimes it’s the most healthy thing you can do, and sometimes it just seems like people are hiding, or maybe engaging in some other destructive behavior.
Forcing yourself to do intense exercise instead of listening to your body and resting when needed.
Juicing. I wouldn’t say it’s “toxic”, but you’re literally just removing the fiber and making it more of a fast sugar.
Cancelling people to get internet points. There are valid reasons to do this in some situations, but I’m seeing more and more of a worrying trend where people simply don’t want to have difficult conversations, or, even worse, they love to put themselves as the hero in a story that never existed except in their own minds. Permanent damage is being done and when this trend fades out it will be extremely difficult to rebuild those bridges that have been burned.
The overuse of botox, fillers, lip injections, using loads of face care products and makeup with toxic ingredients. Ladies, let your skin breathe!! Stop contouring your face every damn day, you don’t need it. Save it for going out, not just sitting at home doing tiktoks and taking selfies.Also being nasty or mean to others in lieu of setting reasonable appropriate boundaries and communicating like an adult.
“You do you.” “Be yourself.” YOLO. Well what if “being yourself” is killing/hurting somebody. It reinforces sociopathic behavior. We have lost the moral code that makes society cohesive. And I’m not talking about laws, religion, etc. specifically, just basic decency. Like not being an a*****e.
The whole “my feeling are as real as facts” self help nonsense.It is maddening to be in a relationship with someone that will insist on you apologizing for how they feel about what you said or did without regard to what actually happened.
Essential oils.
When my dad had terminal cancer, we had so many family members pushing the dumbest “cures”. From essential oils to sitting in an oxygen chamber. We actually had a few WTF laughs.
Obsessively tracking every calorie can turn self-care into stress.
Any self-care multi-level marketing is toxic.A lot of self-care influencing is also toxic because of the subtle narrative that even if you buy all the products they’re pushing, it will never be enough. You will never be the “It” girl because she doesn’t exist. That leaves people in a cycle of debt and poor self-image.Also, the zero-waste trend specifically about using charcoal powder in DIY mascara… literally toxic, because it wasn’t meant for your eyes.
Almost all of them.Life is not meant to be a constant emotional evolution, and you don’t always have something you’re meant to be improving on to get “over there”.Sometimes it’s okay to just be, how you are, without needing to grow or change.Toxic positivity, ‘wellness’ and self improvement is to blame for many people feeling s****y about themselves.
Consuming a lot of “self-care” or “motivational” content, be it from books, guides, online videos, etc. It seems to be very easy for it to become cheap entertainment that feels like it’ll at some point automatically unlock something in you even without making any effort to make necessary changes.
Loving yourself no matter what can be bad for you, sometimes you’re just wrong and need to change. Parts of you are s**t.
Healing crystals.
Frequent chemical peels.
I’d argue that the use of self care as a way to excuse oneself from responsibility was trendy. At the end of the day, going through unpleasant things and doing the dirty work head on will yield you with better results than choosing self care the moment you feel uncomfortable or anxious.
Bedrotting, or stagnation and phone scrolling as “mental health days"Yeah it feels good but that doesn’t mean it’s good FOR you, and it’s way too easy to make it a recurring habitYes, mental health days are important, but you should at least move your body and make some food or listen to music or even just stare at the sky. Just being on your phone is not mental health.-someone who has been guilty of this a lot and is trying to break the habit.
“Manifesting"Wishful thinking and guilt-tripping for most people. Absolute hell for those of us with OCD.
The idea that “no is a complete sentence,” you don’t owe anyone a single thing, don’t do anything you don’t want to do, social obligation is imaginary, diatribe. Oh ok, tell me you have no friends and strained relationships with your family without telling me you have no friends and strained relationships with family.To a certain extent obviously we all have to set some boundaries and prioritize our own wellbeing over that of others. But if everyone lived their lives this way then no one would have any friends or social networks whatsoever.
I’ve seen several videos, where people just restock their guest bathrooms. It’s totally unnecessary and a lot of waste. I mean, who does a whole skincare routine in someone else’s bathroom with random products they’ve bought?
The rise of productivity systems.It’s horrible to market more systems to perfectionists that they have to upkeep, only to get discouraged because they can’t perfectly use the system given, and then saying “well you just aren’t actually doing dopamine cleansing perfectly”.
Tanning.
Social media detoxes can be toxic if they’re used to escape real problems.
Copious amounts of a single ingredient to “reduce inflammation” or whatever else.No, consuming a c**p ton of turmeric, garlic, or whatever food won’t fix you. But it might make you more susceptible to the bad side effects of that food or even a food allergy.
Supplementing with Cassia cinnamon can be toxic to the liver. Ceylon is the better choice due to its lower coumarin content.
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