Most of us have someregretsin life. No matter how well we’re doing at the moment, we sometimes wish we could have done something differently in the past. Pursuing another career, having a different sort ofrelationship, taking better care of one’s health, and living with more courage… that’s just the tip of the iceberg.In a very candid and vulnerable online thread, the members of the r/AskReddit online community spilled the tea about what they did that made them feel likethey ‘wasted’their 20s. Scroll down to read their thoughts.Bored Pandawanted to find out more about dealing with our regrets in a healthy way, so we reached out to Jodi Wellman, MAPP, who was kind enough to answer our questions. Wellman is aspeaker,author, and leadership coach, as well as the founder of the‘Four Thousand Mondays’project, which aims to help people make the most of their lives. You’ll find the insights she shared with us as you read on.This post may includeaffiliate links.
Most of us have someregretsin life. No matter how well we’re doing at the moment, we sometimes wish we could have done something differently in the past. Pursuing another career, having a different sort ofrelationship, taking better care of one’s health, and living with more courage… that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
In a very candid and vulnerable online thread, the members of the r/AskReddit online community spilled the tea about what they did that made them feel likethey ‘wasted’their 20s. Scroll down to read their thoughts.
Bored Pandawanted to find out more about dealing with our regrets in a healthy way, so we reached out to Jodi Wellman, MAPP, who was kind enough to answer our questions. Wellman is aspeaker,author, and leadership coach, as well as the founder of the‘Four Thousand Mondays’project, which aims to help people make the most of their lives. You’ll find the insights she shared with us as you read on.
This post may includeaffiliate links.
Being too shy.To anyone younger reading this, TAKE RISKS! Ask that person out. Go to that local event you’ve been eyeing. Strike up a conversation with a cool-looking stranger. Get up on stage at a karaoke night. Volunteer. Join a club.Life is not a movie and there is no magical special person that will notice you and come pull you into the light. You have to do that yourself.
Wellman explained to Bored Panda in an email that there are two types of regrets. There are regrets of commission, as well as regrets of omission. The former are the things that we said or did that we wish we hadn’t. Meanwhile, the latter are the things we didn’t take action on that we wish we had.“Regrets of commission tend to fade over time as we learn to live with our stupidity (and rationalize our decisions), so it’s really the regrets of omission we need to worry about,” Wellman, the founder of’Four Thousand Mondays,‘said.“I get excited about these ‘paths not taken’ because as long as we are still alive, we have a chance to course-correct these regrets-in-the-making and take the path after all. It’s really never too late to go back to school, change careers, rekindle a relationship, travel to Iceland, go blonde.”
Wellman explained to Bored Panda in an email that there are two types of regrets. There are regrets of commission, as well as regrets of omission. The former are the things that we said or did that we wish we hadn’t. Meanwhile, the latter are the things we didn’t take action on that we wish we had.
“Regrets of commission tend to fade over time as we learn to live with our stupidity (and rationalize our decisions), so it’s really the regrets of omission we need to worry about,” Wellman, the founder of’Four Thousand Mondays,‘said.
“I get excited about these ‘paths not taken’ because as long as we are still alive, we have a chance to course-correct these regrets-in-the-making and take the path after all. It’s really never too late to go back to school, change careers, rekindle a relationship, travel to Iceland, go blonde.”
Fighting endless wars, Somalia, Afganistan, Iraq, Syria, and everywhere else around the world. Wasted my 20s, all my 30s and half my 40’s fighting. For what you ask? I have no idea now.
Thing about your twenties is, no matter how you spent it, you’ll wonder about the other path.Party, get wasted, spend everything you earn travelling the world, you’ll wish you’d been more studious and built better foundations.Study hard, work diligently, build good foundations, you’ll wish you’d partied and had more fun like the others did.
Wellman told us that, in her research, she’s found that the best way to “savor and appreciate” life is to practice’memento mori’—“to remember that we must die.““It’s only when we tune into how finite we really are that we snap out of autopilot and stop taking our days for granted. I get people counting how many Mondays they have left to live (it’s way less morbid than it sounds),” she told Bored Panda.“They can use my calculator hereif math feels unfun. Tune into that countdown timer, and, all of a sudden, we want to book that trip to Iceland!” she urged everyone to be more active in living life to the fullest.
Wellman told us that, in her research, she’s found that the best way to “savor and appreciate” life is to practice’memento mori’—“to remember that we must die.”
“It’s only when we tune into how finite we really are that we snap out of autopilot and stop taking our days for granted. I get people counting how many Mondays they have left to live (it’s way less morbid than it sounds),” she told Bored Panda.
“They can use my calculator hereif math feels unfun. Tune into that countdown timer, and, all of a sudden, we want to book that trip to Iceland!” she urged everyone to be more active in living life to the fullest.
Your 20s are about finding out who you are. Nothing is wasted.I used to think time playing videogames was wasted…. But when I quit for a while I missed my friends, and I missed my instant stress outlet.I used to think I wasted money…. But I had a hell of a good time.I used to think I got a late start on my career from fumbling around…. But I got a new career at 35 that owed in part to my varied background, and I’ve been progressing through for over a decade.In short, none is wasted. Live every day like it is an opportunity.
No ambition. Lack of foresight. No goals.I spent so much time stressing out about my future that I never actually lived in the present.
Too scared of my parents to stand up to them and live life how I want.
The reality is that it is impossible to live‘perfectly’(whatever that might mean to us personally). All of us mess up. No matter who we are and how talented we might be, sooner or later we all do something we regret. In fact, you could even argue that life is all about making mistakes and then learning from them. It’s a core part of learning and growth.However, if we obsess about our imperfections and past mistakes, this can eat away at us, affecting our health, relationships, and careers. The healthy and mature thing is to embrace what’s happened and then make better decisions in the future.
The reality is that it is impossible to live‘perfectly’(whatever that might mean to us personally). All of us mess up. No matter who we are and how talented we might be, sooner or later we all do something we regret. In fact, you could even argue that life is all about making mistakes and then learning from them. It’s a core part of learning and growth.
However, if we obsess about our imperfections and past mistakes, this can eat away at us, affecting our health, relationships, and careers. The healthy and mature thing is to embrace what’s happened and then make better decisions in the future.
I did a PhD. The first time I made more than $30k in a year, I was 31 years old. F**k academia.
I always thought i was already too old. “Uh im 25, Im too old..”.
What feels like ‘wasting’ your 20s is a very subjective thing. Some folksmight regretgetting married ‘too young,’ while others absolutely love having started a family. Some young professionals wish that they’d have spent more time with family instead ofovertimeat the office. Meanwhile, others are proud that they had the discipline to become skilled in a path that they see as their calling.What’s a regret for one individual might be a badge of honor for someone else. But the grass is greener on the other side. We tend to envy what others have, thinking that life would be easier if we had this or that. The fact of the matter is there’s no such thing as a problem-free life. Making one decision means that you let go of others. If you could relive your 20s, you might have very different regrets after the second time around.
What feels like ‘wasting’ your 20s is a very subjective thing. Some folksmight regretgetting married ‘too young,’ while others absolutely love having started a family. Some young professionals wish that they’d have spent more time with family instead ofovertimeat the office. Meanwhile, others are proud that they had the discipline to become skilled in a path that they see as their calling.
What’s a regret for one individual might be a badge of honor for someone else. But the grass is greener on the other side. We tend to envy what others have, thinking that life would be easier if we had this or that. The fact of the matter is there’s no such thing as a problem-free life. Making one decision means that you let go of others. If you could relive your 20s, you might have very different regrets after the second time around.
Drinking heavily. Heeeavily. Will never get those years back.Thankfully, I realized while I couldn’t go back and change the start, I could decide to change the ending. Ten years sober this month.To anyone else struggling or in recovery. There is help. There are people who will help. The thing that dawned on me is that I was despairing for the future because I thought it would always suck. But my drinking was also making it suck. I decided I had no right blaming the world for a terrible future if I also contributed to make the future terrible. So I decided to do everything I could to make it good. And then when it still was terrible, THEN I could hate the world. Funnily enough… The future got better, and I didn’t need to hate/blame the world OR myself.
There’s no definitive magical formula for living a good life. However, in our experience, there are a few key things we can do. First of all, you want to make sure that you havestrong relationshipswith the people you care about. This can be your family, friends, coworkers, or anyone else who has a positive impact on how you feel.Secondly, you want to ensure that you’re doing whatever you can to take care of your physical andmental health. That means staying away from harmful habits (smoking, drinking alcohol, overeating processed food, etc.) and embracing positive ones (exercise, healthy eating, socializing, engaging in pastimes you love, meditating, learning new things, etc.).
There’s no definitive magical formula for living a good life. However, in our experience, there are a few key things we can do. First of all, you want to make sure that you havestrong relationshipswith the people you care about. This can be your family, friends, coworkers, or anyone else who has a positive impact on how you feel.
Secondly, you want to ensure that you’re doing whatever you can to take care of your physical andmental health. That means staying away from harmful habits (smoking, drinking alcohol, overeating processed food, etc.) and embracing positive ones (exercise, healthy eating, socializing, engaging in pastimes you love, meditating, learning new things, etc.).
Being scared of people and letting people take advantage of me. People would borrow what little money I had, with and without permission and never pay me back.
Treating the love of my life all wrong because I thought I was all right.
I pursued a career in a field that wasn’t right for me.
With that foundation in mind, think about what you truly want out of life. Then, try to find the courage to take one small step toward your goals every single day. You can’t imagine how quickly you can make progress this way.All that said, your 20s aren’t your entire life. It is perfectly possible to have an amazing life even if your youth didn’t turn out exactly as you wished it would.
With that foundation in mind, think about what you truly want out of life. Then, try to find the courage to take one small step toward your goals every single day. You can’t imagine how quickly you can make progress this way.
All that said, your 20s aren’t your entire life. It is perfectly possible to have an amazing life even if your youth didn’t turn out exactly as you wished it would.
Suffering from severe clinical depression, I barely left my bedroom. The years feel intangible to me. I might as well have been in a coma.
Spent too much time watching tv/movies and hanging out with myself alone. Spent too much time and money on alcohol in my late 20s. Oh and watching way too much p**n.
Far too much time spent on my career and not nearly enough on friends and family. Can’t say it wasn’t financially rewarding, but I’d give that all up for more time with friends and family who have since died.
Im 28 and I’ve done nothing. no trips, haven’t seen any music live, mever go out. all i do is work and sleep. like today for example, all i did was work and now im going to sleep soon so i can do the same thing tomorrow. honestly i hate life. I’ve had a total of 6 days vacation since i turned 20. i got a zoo pass 2 years ago and that’s the high light of my 20s so far.
Depression. Spent seven years of college in my dorm/ apartment reading books and taking naps.
Stayed home, smoked weed, became lazy and fat, developed social anxiety.Age 24, I had enough and went cold turkey. Got a factory job, breaking my back. Decided to lose weight. Ate healthy for 3 years. Left that factory job, went to college.Today, I am in IT doing the best job in the world and getting paid for it. I’m more fit, no more anxiety and I can’t stand the smell of weed. Life is what you make it. If you put in some effort and make changes, it will pay off. Just do it, don’t say it. Don’t think it.Stay humble while doing so. Good things will flow your way.
Got involved with a guy 10yrs older than me who was an abusive drunk who constantly cheated on me.Didn’t pull my head out of my a*s until late 20’s and went to college.Drank too much.
Multiple disabilities.Most of them went away when I found out at age 32 that I was iron deficient.
Kids and marriage. Had my first at 19, second at 21, married at 20. I get to enjoy my 40s without kids, im only 5 years away from my first being 18, but 40s vs 20s.
Procrastinating. Anything that involved making some sort of appointment or phone call I always put off. Would generally try to devote time to doing errands all at once and putting things off instead of taking tasks on as they come. Keeping a calendar and making a check list is something I adopted in my 30’s and I wish I started earlier.
Didn’t really have a game plan for making a living, and waited too long to figure one out. Also was too caught up in my feelings to act on a lot of good dating options I didn’t realize I had, which would have been fun.Things worked out great anyways, but still.
In my room alone and depressed. Greatest years my a*s.
Mental Illness. Never wanted to go to the Dr due to past trauma and spent too much time unmedicated.
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Was in a long term relationship from 23-28. Wasted some of the best years of my life.
I’m actually really lucky that the only thing I can think of is not investing more into my retirement.My 20’s brought me independence from a toxic family, my wife, a job I absolutely love and a heap of confidence I didn’t have.I dealt with a spate of horrific depression and decision making but my wife walked with me through therapy and it was absolutely life changing.
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Being depressed and just hiding out at home after work and on the weekends.
I was in a cult from the time I was 16 - 28. I grieve for that time I missed when I should have been doing dumb s**t with friends and traveling. Thankfully I was able to maintain a fair amount of my relationships outside the cult because that was a non negotiable for me. I’ve renewed those friendships and made them stronger. Enjoy my 30s being free.
AnxietyWay too much insecurity about being single whenever I wasn’t dating someone.
I joined the army at 18 and spent the rest of my life up until now trying to claw myself out of the grave they dug me in. For years I’ve been sitting in this hole in absolute limbo. PTSD, anxiety and depression is a f**g bh.
Got married way too young.
Being sad about a failed relationship & career.
College.I applied for tons of internships but never got my foot in the door anywhere. I had good grades but there’s always someone better. It seriously feels as if no human has ever seen any of my applications because I never heard anything back. It’s as if I don’t exist.I spent just about everything on the courses and textbooks and software… I never got to use any of what I learned.Now, years later, nearly everything I learned is obsolete. Every job application remains unread. I have nothing to show for my hard work except a lot of pain.
Being too poor.On top of that, being too depressed to be able to climb out of the monumental hole to be able to change anything.Thankfully, I did eventually make that climb. But now I’m in my 30s, wishing I could do the stupid things that I would have done in my 20s with this kind of money, but knowing better, so I can’t :P.
I wallowed in grief and got high. A wasted waste of a decade.
Wasted it having an eating disorder and worrying too much about my body and what other people thought. Tons of therapy later and things are way better. I don’t give two f***s about wearing my robe into the gas station to get my coffee.
Married an addict who was 10 years older. Kept me from going to school and had to work constantly to make rent. Believed too many promises.
Working too damned hard and trying to finish my degree at the same time. I wish I’d goofed off more.
Didn’t do any introspection and soul searching. I distracted myself with a lot of s**t. It took a few of the right kind of people to guide me to where I am now.By the way, the introspection and soul searching should be a constant thing. We shouldn’t stop learning and thinking about ourselves and why we act the way we do.
No ambition, expected great things to just happen to me. Put almost no effort into college or finding a job after that. Finally landed a job at 27 working for a newspaper making low wages for second shifts that stole my weekends and afternoons.Never looked at the bigger picture of how much of my life I was wasting because I didn’t take the time to realize it could have been better. Finally shifted careers into IT and at least I have my weekends now in my 30s and I’m making more but still a long way to go.
Partying and altogether f*****g off, dating the wrong people, hanging out with the wrong people. Getting hurt numerous times and ultimately ending up with a major painkiller addiction. 8 years clean and trying to play catchup while being a good mom.
Got pressured and all but forced into a marriage to the worst human being I ever met.
Drank, nearly everyday. Certainly everyday I could.
Being a pick-me mentally ill dumpster fire of a person.Oh and working the same s****y job for too long.
Drugs. I sold my dreams for numb, and hatred.
I made, what seemed to me at the time, a big pile of money in my mid twenties. It wasn’t a large amount of money at all, but felt like it at the time. I just lived off it for a few years and played World of Warcraft full time! No regrets, I wish I could go back to that time in my life in some ways. However, I fully appreciate this probably wasn’t the healthiest way to exist, but I was doing exactly what I wanted to at that time.Was it a waste? Most people would probably say so. I had a blast though and really miss not being able to just no-life games to my hearts content now. Life has changed.I am a little bit further behind in my career compared to some others, and sometimes that feels a bit odd, but I was never going to be the guy to go school - uni - job - kids - rip. It’s just not me and that’s ok.
Drugs, sex and working in places that didn’t respect my time. Now, I’m in my 30s,sober, brain damage from the drugs. Terrible depression and sleep disorder. No sex and I just got fired from my job.Don’t be like me.
Turning 30 next month. I’ve advanced far from where I started ten years ago but I can’t help but feel like I haven’t lived up to my potential. I started a masters but never finished it, have been in the same medium-paying job (but low for the area) for the last four years, don’t own any property, and have made some really terrible financial decisions that if I hadn’t I would be in a much better spot right now. It hurts.
Religion. Horrible way to waste a life, and one of my deepest regrets. Life is a billion times better now that I’m out.
Damn, clubbing, pubbing, I won’t be home 99% of the time. Didn’t do anything of value other than work and give my mom cash.
Not quite out of my 20s yet but…. I decided it would be better to get experience with “real people” doing “real jobs” than go to college. Realized I am in no way above a hard days work or menial labor but I am ffing bad at it. Now I realize how dumb I was, and college wasn’t just ‘something to do’ it was my way out of being unskilled replaceable ‘meat’ until Im old and broken.
Medical school. Residency. Fellowship. Woke up one day in my 30s.
Seeing myself thru the unhealed pain of others instead of being proud of the bad**s girl I was.
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