Even though people have a lot in common, they still have very uniqueupbringings. Your background, culture, community, family life, and the specific way you were raised can give you all the tools you need to succeed in life… or leave you wondering why you haven’t developedmust-haveskills that all grown-ups seemingly should have.Recently, some of the members of AskRedditopened upabout the life skills they feel like they missed out on because nobody taught them, only to later realize that pretty much everyone around them seems to have picked them up somehow. Scroll down to read their thoughts.This post may includeaffiliate links.
Even though people have a lot in common, they still have very uniqueupbringings. Your background, culture, community, family life, and the specific way you were raised can give you all the tools you need to succeed in life… or leave you wondering why you haven’t developedmust-haveskills that all grown-ups seemingly should have.
Recently, some of the members of AskRedditopened upabout the life skills they feel like they missed out on because nobody taught them, only to later realize that pretty much everyone around them seems to have picked them up somehow. Scroll down to read their thoughts.
This post may includeaffiliate links.
The ability to figure out what to make for dinner every day. That looked so much easier as a kid.
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As a person with autism, the whole menu is the “secret menu”. It feels like the whole world was given the owners manual on “How to be a Human” and all I got was the 5 page IKEA manual.
I realised I didn’t have to get up at 7am on a Sunday, get dressed, & sit in the lounge listening to the radio.I learned it was ok to buy branded foods if you liked them better.I learned I could have a nap anytime, not just when I’m ill.And I learned to drive after being told it was “too technical” for me, I wouldn’t understand it. He ( my dad) successfully put my mum & sister off learning to drive but I learnt on the sly. I passed my test with the local Chief Examiner- a Mrs Elizabeth Brown. He exclaimed “is that allowed?” as if women driving instructors/ examiners didn’t exist.I also learnt to ride a bike despite it being “too dangerous.” Same for swimming—neither my mum or sister dared but I just snuck off. Learned at school & represented the school at swimming.
A lot about your childhood depends upon your family’s mix ofparenting styles. Permissive parents, who see their children more as friends than dependents, might let you figure things out more for yourself, which is an important part of growing up. However, that lack of direction, guidance, and rules can lead to some problems down the line regarding boundaries and impulsive behavior.
However,authoritative parentsprovide a good balance between rules, regulations, and expectations on the one hand and support, communication, and openness on the other. They’re warm and nurturing while also setting clear expectations and consequences for their children’s behavior. Kids who grow up in authoritative households tend to grow into very confident, independent, socially competent, and generally well-adjusted individuals.
That you don’t need to be constantly doing something productive. You can and should disconnect sometimes, just go watch a movie, read a book, or play a video game. Reddit and other social media will still be there. You aren’t missing out on anything.
How to self-motivate, I’m 32 and have no clue how to force myself to do something. Go to the gym, study, do laundry, make a Dr. appointment, even shower sometimes. This might be my ADHD/depression/anxiety but I see other people teaching themselves how to code, going to the gym regularly, eating healthy etc.
Cleaning as you cook.
There will always be some subjectivity when people talk about life skills that they personally believe are must-haves. Someone who’s very outdoorsy might want their children to be independent and physically active or spend lots of time in nature, join the scouts, and learn survival skills. Meanwhile, parents who are academics might emphasize reading, studying, academic performance, financial literacy, andothermore cerebral pursuits.
The core skills to focus on in life, at least at the start, are directly related to self-sufficiency. You need to knowhow tolive independently and when needed, help others in your family and community.
How to really grow up. I’m 40 years old but feel like a kid in a adult world.
I guess it’s not a life skill pe say but it’s more the horrible stark realisation that as a woman ‘they’ (corporate entities) want you to remain insecure about your weight/appearance etc so you will spend more money on diets/gym/make up/skin care etc.And as a kid I thought that insecurity would go away with age but my mum whose now 70 and is the thinnest that she’s ever been, is STILL going on about her weight/appearance, as is my grandmother at 93, and I just find it utterly tragic that it just never goes away.
All of adulthood is paying for things. Everything, all the time, everyday. Forever.
Othervital life skills include things like financial literacy (budgeting, doing your taxes, saving, investing, etc., so you can live below your means), taking care of your health (proper exercise, eating a nutritious diet, getting plenty of sleep, managing stress), and managing yourrelationships(developing emotional intelligence, focusing on positive friendships, etc.).There’s honestly nothing shameful if you don’t know a handful of skills that other people do. The important thing is to embrace the fact that you’ve got some knowledge gaps and then take the steps you need to rectify the situation. Do some research, practice those skills hands-on, look at your ‘failures’ as growth opportunities, and just keep repeating things until they become a habit. The important thing is to do something—anything—to improve your situation instead of beating yourself up for not having done so in the past.
Othervital life skills include things like financial literacy (budgeting, doing your taxes, saving, investing, etc., so you can live below your means), taking care of your health (proper exercise, eating a nutritious diet, getting plenty of sleep, managing stress), and managing yourrelationships(developing emotional intelligence, focusing on positive friendships, etc.).
There’s honestly nothing shameful if you don’t know a handful of skills that other people do. The important thing is to embrace the fact that you’ve got some knowledge gaps and then take the steps you need to rectify the situation. Do some research, practice those skills hands-on, look at your ‘failures’ as growth opportunities, and just keep repeating things until they become a habit. The important thing is to do something—anything—to improve your situation instead of beating yourself up for not having done so in the past.
That things get better when you start doing all the hard s**t consistently until eventually it becomes second nature. Also motivation doesn’t happen on its own, you have to push yourself each and every day to take the necessary actions to succeed.
That you’re not at the mercy of your feelings. I used to get depressed and just lean into it, because I believed that sadness was the truth. No one ever told me that not only did I not have to feel that way, that there were things I could do to fight it (behavioral activation), but that staying sad not only hurt me, it also hurt the people I care about.
That the game is rigged.Literally based on where you are born and who you are born to will determine your life trajectory so much more than how hard you work.We’re sold the lie that “work hard, do well” will get us where we want to be. The reality is that unless you’re born well off or get extremely lucky, life will be unfairly difficult and you’ll likely never get what you actually deserve.
What life skills do you feel youlearnedway too late compared to your family, friends, and colleagues, dear Pandas?
I tell you what, sometime between my parents and my generation, we lost knot-tying. My father in law has a repertoire of like a dozen or more knots he can use for different situations and I’m just looping and pulling nearly randomly.
My parents taught me everything from sewing to home-maintenance and small engine repairs. This is pretty common I where I grew up. Here in Ottawa/Canada people seem to think I’m freaking McGuyver.
I missed the boat on playing around with makeup while it was socially acceptable to be terrible at it. At 23, I interviewed for a clerical position that wouldn’t have any customer-facing tasks. At the end of the 30min interview, the woman rejected me. I asked if there was anything I could work on to make myself a more appealing applicant, and she said, “You have everything we’re looking for, but if you can’t even give us the benefit of blush, what can we really expect from your performance? A girl your age should know better.“That night, I cried to my boyfriend about how belittled I felt and spiraled over how many other opportunities I missed because I never felt the need to learn how to do makeup. I spent the next several days binge watching YouTube tutorials and product reviews, trying to build a skill I never knew I needed. I figured that even if I only ever used it in job interviews, at least I’d have the skill in my back pocket. My boyfriend picked up extra shifts to buy me my first set of products and brushes, but reminded me the whole way through that he loved my face no matter what some dumb old b***h in a blazer said.I got fairly good at doing my own face, and it really did make a difference in how professionals treated me as a young woman in the workforce. 10 years later, it’s crazy to think about how a single bad interview has cost me thousands in makeup but brought me hours of fun. I’m addicted to lipstick and rarely go out without it. Hell, I put it on to do my dishes.
Emptying the dryer lint. First time I moved out at 22, noticed that over the first few months my dryer would take longer and longer to dry my clothes. Mentioned it to my mother and she asked if I had been clearing the lint.It was a brick of lint, like a geological survey of all the loads that contributed to it.It’s a good thing I never burnt my apartment down.
Cleaning and how often you’re supposed to clean certain things.
How to eat like a normal person. my eating disorder started when i was like 8 and now i just have no idea how to eat a normal amount of food and talk about food normally. i hear the phrase “eat when you’re hungry and stop eating when you’re full” but like. how do you know when you’re hungry and full? if it’s some innate sense i lost it long ago.
All the nuances of home maintenance. Thankfully, I’ve found some good resources for this but I’m 10 years into home ownership and still finding new things to do better.
I was always told to wear plastic bags on your feet when you run in the snow to keep your feet warm and dry. However, no one told me they actually go on your feet. UNDER your shoes. First time I took this advice I layered two plastic bags around my running shoes and tied them around my ankles, and was very confused why the bags kept ripping and I was slipping all over. Some old man passed me up and said “honey I think those go on your feet, not your shoes.”.
Being confident. We were laughed at and unsupported as children and were not allowed to have an opinion.
Networking.How was I supposed to know that I need to keep in contact with everyone I have ever worked with on the off chance that they can get me in the door for job openings? No one told me this.
How to budget.
My personal list of skills I picked up after I left home:social dancingpublic speakingsocializing in a work environmentbudgetingbasic understanding of laws and taxeswork with difficult peoplegoing out alonedo whatever you want.
I noticed alot of people are afraid to speak out when they see something wrong. Like they hope someone else will deal with it.
Useless knowledge. I know alittle bit about alot of things. I know all manner of facts that in no way actually help me in any sort of daily life situation.
Damn, Mom had severe ADHD and Dad ‘went out for cigarettes’ when I was 12. Nobody taught me anything.
As stupid as it sounds, but that you have the freedom to do whatever. You spend the first 20 years of your life being told “no you can’t do that” for various reasons, it took me years to figure out that I can just go to the town over for an event if I want to.
How important having good credit is and that you should be building that up asap. You can live without it, yes, but it limits your financing options for big purchases if you don’t have any.
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That interest earnt in a savings account can still be taxed like wth.I’m saving money and not spending and I’m still being taxed!!!You get to keep a certain amount but still.
Personal body maintenance, everything from eating right and exercising to personal hygiene.
Not a super important one, but how to shuffle cards. My parents did teach me, but I’ve been to a number of game nights as an adult where someone doesn’t know how to shuffle and it’s just a little awkward.If you have kids, you should teach them to shuffle!
How to be smooth socially. How to manage authority and suck up right.
Meal planning and grocery shopping. I know how to cook (ie prepare ingredients and follow a recipe), but regularly having a fully stocked kitchen and being able to just throw together a meal based on whatever you happen to have on hand? Nope.Unless I have a very specific meal/recipe planned and specifically shop for those ingredients, I never know what to buy at the grocery store beyond like cereal, milk, eggs, and bread.
How to buy a house or car.Anything involving insurance.
How to communicate, problem resolution skills, and relationship skills.
Cursive/ script my signature is atrocious.
How to date. Others dated when we were teens and learned a whole range of skills at 44 that I still lack despite having married before.
How to argue constructively and civilly.
As a guy, that you get off your a*s to shake the hand of the person that extended their hand in greeting. My father was wheelchair bound, so he never taught nor modelled this for me; this fact really never hit me until I was in my forties!
I’ve always tried to teach the younger guys who just got out of high school about stuff but you know what? They never listen and I have to sit there and listen to him complain about their struggles. Life is as easy or hard as you make it. There are tons of things no one taught me such as waiting until you’re in your 30s to get married because living with people is a lot different than dating them.
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Not me, but I see far too often- Political literacy- Financial literacy- Parental competency.
How to take care of a car. I didn’t know about the importance of rust proofing (I live in a winter climate). I always thought you couldn’t get car washes in the winter due to the cold but turns out it’s super important to wash away the road salt. I didn’t know how important oil changes are, or to change the filters. I didn’t know that little nicks in the paint could turn into rust real quick… learned a lot the hard way. I’m glad my first car was a beater.
Having a personality of any kind. Turns out, when your parents don’t acknowledge you need love and nurture and protection, you learn a little about yourself. You gotta teach them something, anything. Preferably good things, not like “don’t cheat, smok3, drink etc.” like my father or lie and beat us like my mother.Took me a decade to learn I am nonbinary. I still don’t even know if I even like the opposite sex or something.
Finishing school. Always thought my street smarts would take me far, and they certainly have, but it took a lot longer and I missed many great opportunities dropping out.
To ask for help.
Socializing.
DIY… I own a house and I can’t do s*** Honestly, I have to pay someone to do every from decorating to fixing appliances. I can change a bulb. That’s about it.My Dad could do anything and everything, so I either didn’t pay enough attention or he didn’t show me 😂.
How to interact with people.
What hospice is. I was 21 when I found out my grandpa was in hospice but I thought it was just another term for being in the hospital and my parents never elaborated. I was 2 hours away and thought I had more time to visit him (thought he was just sick) so when he died I was in shock. I’m mad I didn’t ask more questions but looking back I really thought my parents would spell it out for me if it was that serious.
Social skills are SUPER important. Like, legit. Your life improves so much if you learn how to be social. Not saying you need to be a butterfly, but you can at least settle to be a social moth.Learning some semblance of charisma means more than so many other things you could possibly learn about people. Makes a huge difference.
Gonna bite the bullet and admit this one - showering. Love my folks to bits, but they’re people who do a thing for you until they don’t, jumping immediately from full support to none at all. As soon as I was old enough that they weren’t actually doing the scrubbing, I was on my own, except for the occasional scolding when it had been too long. So nothing was really explained.It doesn’t help that I’m autistic and need clear instructions for everything.So as stupid as it may sound to some, I didn’t know how to properly wash for years, well into high school. I could do my hair and not much else. I’m really lucky I didn’t get sick more. I’ve gotten better but still struggle with some parts of hygiene - brushing my teeth, washing my face, cleaning my ears - all things I had to shamefully look up YouTube tutorials for, and still forget to do. Thank God for the internet so I can actually fill the gaps.
The different things you can do with your money besides keeping it in a checking account in the bank. No one talks about HYSA or CDs or even the stock market in my real life. But apparently everyone else already knew about these things and I only found out about it all in my late 30s. I always had a 401k thankfully, but all these other things you can do to make your money work for you? It’s like everyone got a f*****g manual and I missed it.
Seems silly, but how to moisturize. My dermatologist just told me to do it but I didn’t know how and had to ask.
I didn’t learn until my late twenties that unprovoked verbal abuse was wrong, because it happened to me all the time during my school years and nobody was called on it.
How to grocery shopHow to live on your ownHow to save money .
Buy Realestate young.Marriage is over rated, but can be fulfilling if you’re with someone that is willing to make it work and is kind to you.Never hire an insurance adjuster before getting an initial quote from the insurance company. Rather they get 20% on anything extra they get you vs 20% of everything you get.
Denim jeans and nice dress slacks are not worn the same way. Jeans can sit low on your hips. Slacks go up just below your belly button.
How to tie anything other than a shoelace knot.
Critical thinking and research skills is all you ever need. Unfortunately, the education system or lack thereof failed so many. Leaving me on top to judge all the way down….
That you should be wiping down your cabinets often -we just never lived in one place long enough for it to make a difference.
How to write a damn resumeStill remember sitting in front of computer looking up websites and instructions thinking, all these classes we had to attend and things we had to get to or do to demonstrate value and not a one about HOW to write a resume?And not so long after, how little a resume kind of matters (Context dependant of course).
DANCING. What am I supposed to do with my face.
How to fall in love and have a healthy adult relationship.
The phonetic alphabet.
How to learn what skills are needed for well paying jobs.
Taxes.
When I was a kid, there were several times I thought to myself, “I’m not going to do it; they can’t make me." And every single time, I wound up doing it. Later, I couldn’t remember what exactly they said or did that “made” me do it.I’m 40 now, and I still feel the same way. I’m a pushover. I’m actually kind of terrified of what things I might do if an “important” person told me I “have to.“The worst part about this is I’m a teacher, and I can’t get the students to do anything. Not even the simplest things, like putting their calculator back in the charger.Every day, the students re-arrange all the chairs and desks however they want (I’ve made it clear this is “not allowed”), and every day I put them all back at lunch and after school, only for them to be left in whatever corner of the room after the next class.At some point, every adult learned how to manipulate people, but I didn’t.
Social skills ..and when I follow articles advising how to be friends people assume I’m manipulative or too nice it can’t be genui6 .
How to judge people. Friend or foe? Who can you trust?
That I’m autistic 😶.
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